Unfinished
by kristinmw afspouse
Summary: Jax's first serious relationship was cut short by a stint in jail. When he gets out, can he convince her that their story is still unfinished? Jax/OC, slightly AU no Tara , pre-season 1
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - Thanks so much for reading! This story is slightly AU, mostly because of the fact that Tara Knowles does not exist, and also takes place about 4-5 years before the start of season 1. **

**Please please review and let us know what you think! Any feedback is greatly appreciated! **

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Jax Teller blinked in the sunlight as he stepped outside, striding to the picnic table and taking a seat atop it. His long, blond hair hung in curtains around his face as he leaned over a notepad, scribbling a letter. He looked up pensively, contemplating the next line, not noticing the figure taking a seat next to him until he spoke.

"Who you writing?" Otto Delaney asked, even though he already knew the answer; it was the same person to Jax had been writing to a few times a month for the last four years. Jax didn't bother to answer.

"I don't know why you bother," Otto continued, "She never writes back, hasn't come to see you once since you've been inside." Jax remained silent as he scrawled the last few lines of his letter.

'I don't know if you're even reading my letters. Shit, you're probably just throwing them all away. But if you are reading this, I'll be released next Monday. I want to give us another chance. If you do, too, be at the clubhouse when I get out. If not, I'll know your answer and you won't hear from me again.'

Jax set the pen down and tore the page from the notepad, folding it up and sticking it in the pocket of his orange jumpsuit. He looked over at the man he owed his life to, the reason he'd be getting out of this hell-hole that was Chino State Penitentiary in just over a week's time, and the only thing on his mind was whether or not Carrie would be at the clubhouse when he got out. In fact, she'd been just about the only thing on his mind for the past eight years.

_Jax leaned against his bike watching his best friend since birth, Opie Winston, walk up to the front door of his girlfriend Donna's house wondering once again why he'd agreed to this double date. 'No,' he corrected himself, 'Not a date.' Jax Teller didn't date; he didn't have to. Girls fell over themselves to get to him. But Donna had bugged Opie relentlessly, complaining that she was tired of it always being the 'Jax and Opie show, featuring Donna,' and Opie had convinced Jax to come out with them and Donna's friend, Carrie Sullivan. _

_Jax knew Carrie, or at least had known who she was, back when she was an awkward, gangly freshman at Charming High School. She'd been a cute girl, as far as Jax could remember, but that's all she'd really been to him – just a young girl. He'd never taken much notice of her. All he really knew about her was that she was a good friend of Donna's and two years younger than him, now in her junior year of high school. Jax smirked to himself, thinking about how he hadn't made it past his junior year when he and Opie had started prospecting for the Sons of Anarchy. School just got in the way of his duties to the club and he knew what his future would be – what did he need high school for? _

_He sighed as Opie walked out, Donna following closely behind. His eyes widened as he watched the girl following Donna – this was no awkward, gangly freshman. Something had happened to Carrie Sullivan over the past two years – something fucking great. Her dark red hair now hung in loose and deliberate curls around her shoulders and the California sun had given her a nice tan. As she walked nervously towards him, his eyes rested on the nice chest that had definitely not been there two years ago. The v-neck shirt she was wearing showed off her cleavage and he couldn't stop himself from being surprised at what a little bit of time could do for a girl. _

"_Jax, you remember Carrie," Donna said by way of introduction as they walked up to him. Jax grinned over at Carrie, who still looked incredibly nervous, and nodded. _

"_You've sure grown up, darlin," he said, handing a helmet to her. He didn't miss the knowing glance Donna shot to Opie, a very 'I told you so' look that Jax was familiar with. Carrie smiled shyly as she took the proffered helmet, causing Jax's grin to widen. He was always surrounded by aggressive women vying for his attention because of the cut on his back. He took her shy demeanor as a challenge, and it almost excited him. _

_Donna hopped on the back of Opie's bike and Carrie followed her lead, tentatively wrapping her arms around Jax's waist. He revved his bike, tilting his head back slightly to speak to her. _

"_You're gonna have to hold on tighter than that," he said and grinned as he felt her grip tighten. He pulled away from the curb, following Opie to the pool hall they were going to. _

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie Sullivan glanced up from her spot at the kitchen table to see her 16 year old brother, Chris, walk in the front door, a pile of mail in his hand. He dumped the mail on the table, leaning over to kiss his sister on the top of the head.

"I grabbed your mail," he said and she smiled over at him as he walked to her refrigerator. He dug around for a second before walking back to the table with a beer in his hand.

"Thank you," Carrie said, immediately taking the beer from his hand and opening it for herself as he frowned at her.

"Mom lets me have one," he grumbled. Carrie cocked an eyebrow at him.

"She does not," she said, beginning to sift through the mail in front of her. Chris opened his mouth to argue back when both of their eyes fell upon the envelope in her hand. Carrie froze, reading her name and address scrawled across the front in familiar handwriting.

"You gonna open this one?" Chris asked. Carrie ran her thumb over her name, slowly shaking her head as she stood and walked to the hall closet, standing on her tip toes to reach a box on the shelf in the back.

"You really should read some of those," Chris said as Carrie dropped the letter in the box and shoved it to the back of the closet again, "I mean, just hear what he has to say. He's a great guy, and he obviously still loves you." Carrie rolled her eyes at the same argument she'd heard from him for the last four years, ever since her and Jax had broken up. Chris had only been eight when Carrie and Jax had started dating, and he had idolized him. Still did, even though Jax had been in jail for the past four years. Carrie had no idea when he was getting out, but knowing what he had been charged for, she knew it would be several more years before he'd even have the possibility of parole.

"If you like him so much, why don't you fuck him?" she snapped. Chris raised his arms in surrender as she sat back down at the table.

"I'm sorry," Chris said, "I just… I just think it'd be good for you to see what he has to say. I mean, you keep every damn letter, even if you don't open them. There's gotta be a part of you that wants to read them if you're not just throwing them away."

"I don't want to talk about Jax's letters," Carrie said, "I don't want to talk about Jax at all. Ever." Chris frowned but didn't say anything. Carrie's cell phone started ringing and she glanced up, seeing it was Donna.

"Hello," she said, propping the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she sifted through the rest of the mail.

"Hey, Carrie," came Donna's voice, "I needed to ask you a favor."

"Sure, what do you need?" Carrie asked.

"My prick of a boss is keeping me until God knows when on Thursday and Opie is going to be busy, so I was going to see if you could take the kids over to the clubhouse after you close up the day care? Piney or Bobby should be there to watch them, but they can't pick them up on their bikes," Donna said, sounding exasperated. Carrie's parents had owned and operated a small day care in Charming and after high school, Carrie had been taken on as the head manager. She gave Donna the family discount for her two kids: Ellie, who was 4 and Kenny, who was 2. Donna often had problems with her boss getting off work on time, and Carrie had always been there to help out when she needed her.

"Yeah, of course," Carrie said.

"Thank you so much," Donna said, and then hesitated before continuing, "By the way… if there was some information about a certain ex-boyfriend, would you want to hear it?" Carrie froze. Why was everyone talking about Jax today?

"Is he hurt?" Carrie asked hesitatingly. She knew from the fact that he was still sending her letters that he was alive, and that was about all the information she cared to know.

"No, no, nothing like that, he's fine," Donna assured her.

"Then no, I don't want to know," Carrie said firmly.

"But-" Donna started.

"Donna, please," Carrie said, "Don't do this. I don't want to hear anything about Jax." She heard Donna sigh.

"Okay, okay. I guess you'll find out soon enough anyway," she said cryptically, in a way that made Carrie curious, but not enough to ask.

"Okay, whatever," Carrie responded, "Are we still on for lunch this weekend?"

"Yeah, definitely, I'll see you then," Donna said.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

At the end of the day on Thursday, Carrie gathered her purse from the reception desk at the day care and walked into the room used for after school care to see one of the teachers, Neeta Benson, reading a story to Ellie and Kenny. She smiled watching how both kids sat with rapt attention, hanging on Neeta's every word. Kenny was a rambunctious two year old, usually more inclined to run around in circles than to sit and listen to a story, but Neeta had a certain way about her that demanded good behavior.

Carrie always thought that personality trait must have come in really handy when she was Jax's nanny, as Carrie was sure he had been a handful. Neeta had come to work at the day care after Jax had outgrown a nanny (though Neeta would always tell Carrie that the day Jax Teller outgrew needing someone watching over him and keeping him out of trouble, pigs would be flying). Carrie had always been extremely fond of Neeta, but over the past four years she had been one of the few people in her life not constantly pestering her about Jax, and it made her appreciate Neeta even more. She got it from Donna, Chris, even her parents still asked about him every now and then (though they weren't nearly as big of fans of Jax as her brother was).

Neeta looked up as Carrie walked into the room and set the book down, leaning down to the kids and telling them to gather their things. Ellie and Kenny both looked around at Carrie and beamed at her, running up and grabbing her legs.

"Aunt Carrie!" they both cried and she laughed, hugging them back.

"Hey guys, go grab your backpacks and I'll take you to the clubhouse to see grandpa," she said, and they scurried off to do as she asked. Neeta helped Carrie haul out a couple of car seats for the kids and loaded them into her car before settling Ellie and Kenny in.

"Thanks, Neeta," Carrie said, "I'll see you tomorrow?" Neeta smiled and nodded, waving good bye to Kenny and Ellie.

"Tomorrow," she said before walking over to her own car.

Carrie drove the kids to the clubhouse, her heart racing as it always did when she was faced with going places that reminded her of Jax. The only assurance she had was that she didn't have to worry about running into him. She pulled into the clubhouse looked around at the empty parking lot. She sighed, knowing she'd have to walk in. Every time she'd dropped the kids off, there had been people around to take them and she'd thus far been able to avoid actually walking inside.

"Guess I'll walk you guys inside and see if we can find grandpa," Carrie said, turning around to look at Ellie and Kenny in the back seat. Ellie grinned while Kenny nodded his head forcefully at the word 'grandpa.' Carrie stepped out of the car, walking around to unload the kids and took their hands as she walked them to the door of the clubhouse.

She walked in and the only person inside was Tig on the couch, currently with a croweater on his lap nibbling on his ear.

"Hey, Carrie," he greeted her with surprise, giving her a swift smile as his eyes raked her body. The usual for Tig; she'd gotten so used to him that she hardly ever got creeped out anymore.

"Hey Tig," she responded, glancing hopefully around the clubhouse before she resigned herself to the fact that nobody else was here, "I'm dropping off Ellie and Kenny for Donna – she said Piney or Bobby would be around?" Tig shook his head.

"Nah, they had to go on a tow. Shouldn't be too long, I can watch 'em for you til they get back," Tig offered, his eyes rolling slightly to the back of his head as the croweater moved from his ear to his neck. Carrie looked doubtfully at him before glancing at the two little kids huddled next to her.

"Um… no, that's okay, you're…. busy. I'll wait for them," she said. Tig shrugged.

"Suit yourself," he said, "Make yourself at home." Carrie was relieved when Tig finally stood, hauling the croweater to the dorms in the back.

"Why don't you guys sit on the couch and color?" Carrie suggested, walking Elle and Kenny over to a table and taking out a coloring book and crayons from Ellie's backpack. She stood up, glancing around the clubhouse which exactly the same as it was the first time she'd seen in eight years ago. The only thing that had changed was the addition of several new mug shots that lined the wall of infamy.

Carrie felt the familiar stabbing of pain as she looked at Jax's mug shot, his blond hair hanging unkempt and tucked behind his ears, his blue eyes staring down the camera. It hadn't been too long after this photo had been taken that they'd broken up, sometime after his arrest and before his sentencing. They'd been together four years, and she'd spent the next four trying to pretend as if Jax Teller had never existed. That was hard when your best friend was married to his best friend, but she'd made it clear long ago that any mention of Jax in front of her was not allowed.

It hadn't worked. Along with the hundreds of letters Jax had sent over the course of the last four years assuring her that she would not forget him, he was also still a lasting presence in her thoughts and dreams. If anyone asked, she would never be able to deny that she still loved him and probably always would, so luckily the people in her life were smart enough not to ask. She'd spent more than enough nights crying over their failed relationship, what he did to her, how things had ended.

"Grandpa!" Ellie's cry jerked Carrie out of her reverie and she turned to see Piney walking into the clubhouse, Kenny and Ellie running to him before crashing into him. Bobby followed him shortly after and Carrie walked to the table to get her purse.

"Hi Piney, Bobby," she greeted. They both looked up, just noticing her.

"Carrie!" Bobby said, sounding more surprised than Carrie thought the occasion warranted, "You're… here. Today." Carrie nodded, confused.

"Yeah, I just came by to drop off Kenny and Ellie," she explained. Bobby nodded.

"But you weren't here on Monday…" he said, his voice trailing off. Carrie frowned.

"Monday? What was Mon-" she started, but cut herself off as a third person walked through the door, the sun glinting off his blond hair before the door closed behind them, looking even more surprised than Bobby to see her standing in his clubhouse. Apparently, Jax Teller had gotten his get out of jail card. Unfortunately for both of them, it had not been free. What his sentence had cost the both of them hung in the air between them, almost tangible.

"Carrie?" he said, a look of bewilderment in his eyes as if she was a mirage. Carrie shifted uncomfortably, her heart racing, every emotion possible coursing through her – fear, hurt, anger, surprise… love. She finally said the only thing she could think of.

"You got out?" she said, and relief seemed to flood his face as he nodded. Carrie glanced over at Bobby who was watching the exchange between them while Ellie and Kenny dragged Piney over to look at their coloring.

"You… you didn't know?" Jax asked tentatively. Carrie shook her head, walking towards him and the door.

"No, I… um… I should go," she said, trying to brush past him. He grabbed her arm, turning her towards him. She looked up at him, at the blue eyes that she'd once thought could pierce through her soul and down to the t-shirt that couldn't quite hide the strong body he'd acquired during his prison stint. Her eyes widened as she realized that prison had actually managed to make Jax Teller better looking.

"You've grown up," he said softly. She stared at him for a second, knowing he knew she was recalling the first thing he'd said to her on their first date.

"Oh, yeah," she said awkwardly, looking longingly at the door. All she wanted was to get out of the clubhouse and away from Jax as fast as possible. Being around him stirred too much within her (not all of it completely unwelcome), but seeing him so suddenly had taken her by surprise and she was not equipped at the moment to deal with it. She silently cursed Donna for not telling her to expect to see Jax when she dropped off the kids.

"Okay, well.. bye," she said, rushing out of the door. As soon as she heard the door shut behind her she broke out in a run to her car, flinging the door open and sitting inside. She fumbled around for her keys, begging herself not to cry until she was at least out of the lot and preferably in the privacy of her own home.

This must have been the news Donna wanted to tell her –Jax had gotten out of jail. Carrie hadn't even known what his sentence was, but considering the charge had been smuggling and gun running she'd figured he'd be inside for much longer. A part of her was practically singing she was so happy he was out earlier than expected. She loved that he had his life back, that he was no longer a prisoner. But the other part of her was terrified. She hadn't had to deal with living in the same small town as him yet. What would if they ran into each other, as they inevitably would in a town boasting a population less than half the size of most major colleges.

She finally found her keys at the bottom of her purse and jammed them in the ignition, speeding out of the lot and to her house.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - Thank you so so much for all the reviews! We love them so much that even though we're on vacation right now, we decided to post this chapter the first chance we got to say thanks! **

**Also, we had some questions about our other story - Crushes and Conspiracy. We decided to take it down because we just weren't happy with it and we came up with this story that we thought was much better and more fun to write, as well as being less confusing as there is only one main OC to keep up with. We're really sorry to those who were following it, but we promise that we'll definitely be continuing with this story to completion - we're very committed to it, especially with all the love we've been getting from everybody! **

**We hope you all continue to like the story and if you are, we'd definitely appreciate you letting us know! **

**Thanks for reading! **

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Jax lay on his bed in his dorm room, resting his head against the wall. He reached over and grabbed the ashtray off of his bedside table, resting it on his chest for easier access. He turned his head to see the redheaded croweater close the door behind her as she left the room and he closed his eyes, trying to purge the feelings of misery out of his mind.

He'd braced himself for his release on Monday; he hadn't really expected her to show up, so when she wasn't there he thought he'd washed his hands of her and had gone on to enjoy his first night of freedom. But seeing her three days later, standing in his clubhouse with no idea he'd even been released, was what had knocked him on his ass. It had given him hope. If she didn't know he'd been released, that means she didn't read his last letter. If she didn't read his last letter, that means that her absence at his coming home party didn't mean anything.

But then he'd seen the hurt in her eyes. It was the same look she'd given him when she'd walked into his dorm room, right before she'd ended their relationship. It was the look that haunted his every fucking waking moment. And seeing that look again, followed by her racing out of the clubhouse as if she couldn't wait to get as far away from him as possible, had killed him. It should have proven once again that she didn't love him anymore, but he knew things between them were unfinished and he couldn't stop the 'what if's' from running through his mind. It was fucking torture.

He had no idea how long he lay like that, thinking through every possibility of Carrie, all the things that could've been or could be, until he reached for another cigarette and realized he'd smoked his entire pack. He sighed, hauling himself out of bed and pulling on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and his cut. If he couldn't smoke, he needed to drink. He walked into the clubhouse to see most of the guys milling around and his mother sitting at the bar. He grabbed a bottle of jack and a shot glass and sat down next to Gemma, filling the glass and shooting it.

"Something bothering you?" Gemma asked, eyeing her son knowingly. Jax shot her a look that plainly said he did not want to talk about it, but knew his mother too well to think that would stop her.

"It's usually Kyle out here pouring shots at noon," she said, eyeing the bottle of Jack, "Thought you were more of a coffee guy." Jax remained silent, pouring another shot, relishing in the burn of the whiskey traveling down his throat.

"Heard Carrie was at the clubhouse yesterday," Gemma continued, and Jax sighed, pouring yet another shot. Gemma took the bottle away from him, looking at him seriously.

"You've gotta be at the table in a few hours," she said. Jax ran a hand through his hair knowing she was right and that getting drunk enough to forget about yesterday's events would have to wait until after church.

"So what did Carrie say?" Gemma prodded. Jax shook his head.

"Didn't the little birdie that told you she was here tell you what she said?" he asked gruffly. Gemma stared blankly at him, waiting for him to answer her question.

"She didn't fucking say anything. She bolted as soon as she saw me. Didn't even know I was out," he said. Gemma looked at him thoughtfully, taking a drag of her cigarette.

"Well you can't just keep moping around the clubhouse for the rest of your life. If you're so torn up about it, go apologize to the girl," Gemma told him.

"Apologize? I tried for the last four fucking years to apologize! She never answered my letters, never came to see me… it's done. I'm not chasing her around anymore," Jax spat. Gemma shrugged, stubbing her cigarette out in the ashtray.

"You're gonna be miserable until you talk things out with her, and that's no good for anyone," Gemma told him.

"I'm fine," Jax said firmly. Gemma stood, shaking her head.

"No baby, you're not fine," she said, kissing him lightly before walking out of the clubhouse.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Early that evening, Clay called everyone into church and Jax rose slowly from his spot at the bar, all thoughts of Carrie vanishing from his mind as he filed into the chapel behind everyone else, dropping his prepay into the cigar box before entering. He glanced around the small room, happy to be back where he belonged – with his brothers.

He moved to sit in his usual seat until he realized Juice was occupying it. Glancing around the room, he saw Clay at the head of the table and Tig, the Sergeant at Arms to his right, followed by Chibs, Opie, and Piney. Across from Piney sat Kyle, followed by Juice, the Intelligence Officer, and Bobby, the Secretary. The only seats open were at the foot of the table and the Vice President's seat to Clay's left that Otto had occupied before falling on the sword for Jax. His VP patch lay on the table in front of the empty seat. Jax stood, glancing over at Clay. Clay nodded his head to the seat.

"Sit down," he said. Jax raised his eyebrows, glancing around the table at all his brothers trying to withhold their grins. All except Kyle, whose frown Jax knew was genuine. He looked back up at Clay.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Clay nodded.

"Came from Otto himself. We've all voted on it. You're the new VP. Congrats brother," Clay said, as catcalls and whistles rained from around the table. Grinning, Jax walked over to Clay who stood and embraced him, giving him a pat on the back.

"You're going to make Otto proud, we know it," Clay said as they pulled apart. Jax tentatively took the VP patch from him, staring at it, before looking around the table again.

"Thanks, boys," he said, shocked that the day he'd been waiting for since patching in to the Sons had happened. He took Otto's seat that now belonged to him, and as he sat down he immediately felt that this was right; this was where he belonged. He threw up a silent thanks to Otto; he had always known he'd be occupying this seat eventually, he just hadn't expected it so soon and it was bittersweet that it had to be under these circumstances. He and Otto had been arrested together nearly five years ago for smuggling and gun running and Otto had claimed sole responsibility, giving Jax 5 to 10 years, a slap on the wrist, and Otto 20 to life. Jax had gotten out in 4. If he'd known what Otto had been planning, he wouldn't have let him do it, but by the time word got back to Jax what had happened, it was done. All Otto had asked for in return was to make sure his wife, Luann, was taken care of. He'd told Jax that he'd had his time and this was Jax's turn; that he wasn't going to let Jax spend the better part of his life behind bars.

"I won't let you down," Jax added, looking around the table at all the nods of support he was getting from his brothers. Well, most of his brothers.

Church last longer than usual as the club filled Jax in on all that had gone down while he'd been away. He was kept up to speed with the gun business with the RIRA, which had grown immensely with several new buyers and gone on without a hitch since Jax and Otto's arrest and they were expecting a new shipment of AK-47s and Glocks that they already had a buyer lined up for. Everything else seemed to be going smoothly for the club at the moment. They had begun running protective runs for the Chief of Charming PD, Unser, which had been good for a few bucks in between deals. Jax took in all the news, noticing that he was looking at it all through a new lens now that he was a leader of SAMCRO.

The meeting broke up with the bang of Clay's gavel and everyone rose, ready and excited for the usual Friday night debauchery. As soon as Jax walked out of the chapel and into the clubhouse, thoughts of Carrie came flooding back to him and his elation of becoming the new VP had dissipated. Opie brought him a shot over, raising his own to him.

"Congrats, brother," he said grinning. Jax took the shot, nodding.

"Yeah, thanks, Ope," Jax responded. Opie looked hesitatingly at him.

"Everything all right with you?" Opie asked.

"I just got out of prison. Everything's great," Jax responded, trying to dodge any uncomfortable questions about Carrie. He thought about his mom's advice – that he was going to drive himself crazy until he talked to her – but he shook it out of his head. Tonight was a night for celebration, and he didn't need it ruined by another rejection.

Jax spent the rest of the night accepting congratulatory drinks from his brothers and croweaters until he'd finally drank himself into a comfortable stupor and was ready to retire back to his dorm room with some company. His eyes raked around the clubhouse, his heart jolting a bit every time he saw a red headed woman running around, hoping for the briefest of moments that it was Carrie. But of course it never was. It was always some croweater whose hair was never the right shade of red, and he doubted if a single one of them was a natural red head. They were either too tall or too short or too skinny or too old. But one of them would have to do.

His eyes finally landed on one who if he squinted and possibly put a bag over her face, she could pass for Carrie. He knew she would just be a cheap imitation; nothing he'd ever had had even compared to how he and Carrie were together.

"_Are you sure about this?" Jax asked Carrie as he lay on top of her in his dorm room, his lips trailing down her neck to her chest. _

"_Yes." She told him breathlessly as she fisted his hair in her hand. She and Jax had been together three months and while it seemed like a short amount of time she'd known Jackson Teller was the one she wanted to have her first time with. _

_Jax smiled as he took a pert nipple in his mouth, his free hand working its way down to the button on her shorts. Carrie arched her back, letting a small moan escape her lips as goose bumps began to form on her flesh, not from the cold, but from the heat pooling deep inside her. She put her hands on Jax's toned chest, her nails lightly scratching him as she explored, causing Jax to get even harder than he already was. _

_As Jax peeled off her shorts, he smirked at the white cotton panties she was wearing, a fine allusion of her pureness. He'd never been with someone so inexperienced; his own first time was years ago in the same dorm room he was in now with an experienced sweet butt. He'd never been interested in the idea of taking someone's virginity before; that was more Tig's thing. But now, looking at Carrie staring up at him with heavy lids, want in her eyes, he was more turned on than he'd ever been before. _

_He unbuckled his jeans, letting them slide to the floor with his boxers, trying to hide his smirk when Carrie's eyes widened at the sight of his manhood. He'd had plenty of girls tell him what a nice dick he had, but her frightened yet excited expression was so cute he couldn't help but smile. He crawled back on the bed with her, putting a hand on her cheek as he kissed her deeply. _

"_Tell me if I hurt you?" he asked her, putting a hand on her sex, slipping a finger inside of her. She wiggled against him, enjoying the euphoria she was experiencing. He'd done this to her many times before, but every time still felt like an overload of sensations. She gasped when he slipped another finger into her, moving them in and out of her. She smiled at him, pulling him down on top of her and kissing him frantically. _

_Jax grabbed a condom from the bedside table, slipping it on deftly and positioning himself at her entrance, slowly sliding in. When he reached her barrier, he pushed through it, her face marring with pain as he did so. He held her, not moving, kissing her forehead. The stillness was killing him, but he didn't want to rush her. _

_After what felt like an eternity Carrie began moving her hips against his, nodding at him that it was OK to go on. Jax slid out of her slowly, before filling her again. He kept a steady rhythm, slowly speeding up, till they were both ravenous for release. Jax felt the surge of an orgasm upon him, and couldn't hold off any longer, finally releasing himself into the condom. He knew that it was rare for a virgin to come her first time, but he wanted to give her the same feeling she gave him. _

_He pulled out of her, slipping his fingers inside of her, continuing to pump them in and out. He rubbed her clit with his free hand, watching as she bit her lip, closing her eyes. She cried out as Jax brought her to orgasm, twisting the sheets in one hand, while her other dug into Jax's shoulders. After a few minutes of bliss, lying intertwined, Carrie jumped up and ran into the bathroom to clean up, and Jax peeled the condom off, tossing it expertly into the trashcan. He flipped his bedside light on, and smirked at the blood stained sheets. His Mom was going to have a field day with this one, and he made a mental note to get the prospect, Kyle, to wash them after Carrie left. _

_Carrie came out of the bathroom with Jax's SAMCRO t-shirt on, and gaped at the stain on his bed. Her face flushed with embarrassment, and Jax sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her into his lap. "I'm sorry." She muttered, mortified at the mess. _

"_Hey, it's fine. I've got plenty of sheets." He assured her. _

"_I'm so embarrassed." She moaned into his neck, hiding her face. _

_He pulled her face up to look at her, smiling softly. "Don't be. It's fine." He told her seriously, kissing her softly. _

"_I'll wash them." She offered, and he shook his head with his signature grin. _

"_That's what the prospect's for."_

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie rushed into the diner Monday afternoon, late to meet Donna for lunch. She saw her petite friend sitting in a booth on the far side of the diner and slid in across from her.

"Sorry I'm late, I got held up at the day care," Carrie said apologetically. Donna shook her head.

"No worries, my prick manager is out today so I don't have to worry about rushing back to the store," Donna said happily. The waitress walked up to them and took their orders before leaving the two girls alone again.

"So any problems dropping the kids off on Thursday?" Donna asked, a sly grin on her face. Carrie rolled her eyes.

"I think you know there were problems. I can't believe you didn't tell me…he was out," Carrie said, avoiding saying Jax's name. It still hurt too much, "I'm still mad at you about that, by the way," she added. Donna shrugged, still grinning.

"Hey I tried to. You said you didn't want any news on him at all unless he was hurt," Donna reminded her innocently. Carrie looked dubiously at her friend.

"I think you should've known I'd want to know if there was any chance of running into him. And, since you asked, it went terribly. We had no idea what to say to each other and I just ran out of there before I knew what happened," Carrie said. Donna looked disappointed.

"You didn't talk to him at all?" she asked. Carrie shook her head.

"Not really, nothing of importance was said," she said, frowning at the memory, "How in the hell did he get out so early? He told me he'd be in for 10 years at least, with the charges against him." Donna furrowed her brow, looking across the table at Carrie.

"You don't know?" Donna asked, "You really haven't had any news on Jax since you two broke up, have you?" Carrie shook her head and Donna leaned across the table, lowering her voice, "Well I don't know all the details, but apparently Otto did something to get Jax charged as an accessory, so he only got 5 to 10. He was released early for good behavior. Opie thinks Otto will probably be in for the rest of his life."

Carrie's eyes widened as she was once again reminded of the deep bond the club shared. She'd never really been able to understand it, but she had always appreciated and respected it. She thought about poor Luann, and how terrible it must be to know you'll probably never see your husband outside of visiting hours ever again. She hadn't known Otto as well as Luann, but it was clear anytime you saw them together how in love they still were. Carrie suddenly felt incredibly selfish for wondering if she could have waited for Jax for just 10 years.

"Wow," she said, "I can't believe he did that for him." Donna nodded as she glanced up at the waitress setting their food down, before walking away quickly again.

"So are you going to see Jax again?" Donna prodded. Carrie winced. It still caused brief jolts of pain every time she heard his name spoken; more painful even than when he suddenly flashed into her mind out of nowhere – something that had been happening more and more since their run in at the clubhouse. The last thing she wanted to be doing right now was having this conversation. She stirred her coke around, taking a moment to respond.

"I don't know," she said truthfully, "Not if I can help it."

"You can't tell me you don't still love him. I saw you with Mr. what's-his-name from the bank and you- know-who that worked for Oswald. It wasn't the same with any of them. Things aren't finished between you and Jax," Donna told her. Carrie frowned. A part of her knew Donna was right, but she didn't want to think about what she was saying. Donna had always been very blunt and up front, refusing to sugar coat anything for her. It was one of the things she liked best about her, but right now it was just annoying.

"It doesn't matter," Carrie told her firmly, "I can't even be in the same room with him – that much was proven last week."

"It's been over 4 years, and I know how miserable he's been-" Donna started, but Carrie cut her off.

"I don't care how miserable he is, Donna. He broke my heart!" Carrie said, her voice rising. She looked quickly around the diner to make sure she hadn't attracted any attention. Donna looked at her sympathetically.

"I know he did, Carrie. But you've got to put this to bed, otherwise you're going to be miserable, too," she said. Carrie shook her head.

"It is put to bed. I don't want to have anything to do with him. I want to go on like I have the last 4 years – pretending like he doesn't exist," Carrie said stubbornly.

"If you want to pretend like he doesn't exist, why do you have a box full of his letters stuffed in the back of your closet?" Donna asked. Carrie sighed, checking her watch quickly. She threw down several bills on the table.

"I need to get back to work," she said. Donna frowned.

"Carrie, come on, I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about Jax anymore," Donna said, worried she had pushed her friend too far. She knew if she could just get those two idiots in a room together, Carrie would realize how much she'd missed Jax and how much she loved him, but she knew that the decision to talk things out with Jax would have to be Carrie's own; nothing she said was going to be able to convince her to do it.

"No, I really need to get back to work," Carrie repeated, "I'll… call you later." Donna nodded, watching Carrie walk out of the diner, wishing she wasn't dealing with the two most stubborn people in the world.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie smiled and waved as the last child walked out of the day care, hand in hand with his mom. She stood, locking the door behind them and sighed, glad for the end of the day. She walked into the after school classroom to see Neeta busily straightening and cleaning up and walked across to help her out. Neeta shot her a curious glance. Carrie was being unusually quiet, trying to keep her mind off of her lunch with Donna and blond haired boys that broke her heart.

"You ever gonna tell me what crawled up your ass and died?" Neeta asked, looking over Carrie, who couldn't help but chuckle at the older woman. Carrie shook her head as she worked on putting the blocks away.

"Nothing," Carrie mumbled, knowing full well at Neeta's disbelieving expression that she wasn't going to be able to get out of this one, "It's just… I dropped off Ellie and Kenny at TM last week and I saw… him."

"You saw who?" Neeta asked. Carrie rolled her eyes.

"You know who," she said. Neeta shrugged.

"There's lots of boys that work at TM," she said. Carrie sighed, knowing Neeta was teasing her.

"Jax, okay? Jax was there. He's out, I didn't know, things were awkward, and that's what crawled up my ass and died," Carrie said exasperatedly. Neeta put down the books she was organizing and looked over at Carrie.

"So what you gonna do about it?" Neeta asked. Carrie shook her head.

"I'm not doing anything about it," she responded a little more briskly than she intended to, "Jax hurt me more than anyone else ever has. I can't go through that again." Neeta looked pensively at her, taking a seat at one of the tables, motioning for Carrie to sit across from her.

"Let me tell you a story about Jackson Teller," she said as Carrie took her seat at the table, "Jax was probably about 8 when he got a BB gun for his birthday. He was so excited – I'd never seen that boy's eyes light up like that before when he unwrapped it. He wanted to take it outside right away and started shooting that gun off like he was Billy the Kid."

"Neeta, I-" Carrie interrupted, not really wanting to walk down Neeta's memory lane of Jax.

"Hush," Neeta said, "Let me tell this story. So he starts shooting off this gun and he hits a bird out of a tree. That bird tumbled down, landed right in his backyard. Jax was terrified – thought he'd killed the little thing. He ran over to it, scooped it up in his hands, brought it right over to me and Gemma, tears in his eyes. Then it started moving in his little hands and he got so excited, but its wing was hurt." Carrie listened impatiently, wondering what the point of this story was.

"Jax took that bird in, cared for night and day, nursed the little thing back to health with Gemma's help until one day it was strong enough to fly again. He took it outside and released it, miserable the whole time because he didn't want to let the little thing go," Neeta finished, looking at Carrie, who stared blankly back at her.

"So… what? Am I the bird in this story?" Carrie asked. Neeta shrugged, beginning to wipe down the table.

"It's just a story," Neeta said, "You can be the bird if you wanna be the bird." Carrie looked crossly across the table at her.

"Yeah, well, I bet as soon as that bird was strong enough, it flew as far away from Jax Teller as it possibly could," Carrie said, "I'm sure _the bird_ wasn't stupid enough to let Jax hurt it again."


	3. Chapter 3

Donna handed Jax a beer, taking a seat on the patio next to Opie, watching Ellie and Kenny playing in the sandbox in their backyard.

"Thanks," Jax said, smiling over at her and sitting back comfortably in his chair as he cracked open the beer.

"No problem," Donna said, smiling back at him and reaching for Opie's hand absent-mindedly, "How's life on the outside been?"

"Great," Jax replied without very much conviction. Donna nodded, squeezing Opie's hand.

"Well I'm glad you came over. It's just like old times," she said, "Well… almost." Jax jerked his head to look over at her, Carrie's name hanging unsaid between them all. If it was just like old times, she'd be here too, with the four of them, having a beer and laughing with them all.

"You know, we didn't have the kids," Donna said quickly, though everyone knew what she was really talking about. Jax nodded, looking back over at Kenny and Ellie playing.

"They're beautiful," Jax murmured, watching them. They were another reminder at everything he'd missed inside. Donna had been about 8 months pregnant with Ellie when he'd gone inside and he'd never gotten to meet either of Opie's kids until he'd gotten out. Even though Opie had visited him often, Chino was a little far to drag an infant for visiting hours.

"Thanks," Donna said beaming. Her smile faded as Kenny started wailing, following shortly by Ellie.

"Looks like someone needs a nap," she said, standing up to take the kids upstairs. Opie watched her walk inside before turning his attention back to Jax.

"So how are you doing?" Opie asked him earnestly. He had hardly seen his best friend since he'd been released. After seeing Carrie at the clubhouse, Jax had pretty much stayed sulking in his dorm room, usually with a croweater to try to comfort him. Jax sighed, shaking his head before taking another swig of his beer.

"I'm fine, Ope. I wish people would stop asking me that," Jax said. Opie narrowed his eyes thoughtfully as he looked at Jax, wondering if he should let the subject drop or press him for more.

"People keep asking cuz you don't look like you're fine, brother," Opie responded, "I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess this has to do with seeing Carrie last week at the clubhouse." Jax eyed him warily, choosing to drink his beer rather than respond. Opie nodded, leaning forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees.

"You gonna talk to her again?" Opie asked. Jax rolled his eyes to the sky, sighing.

"Now you sound like my mom," he replied, "She's trying to get me to talk to her, too." Opie shrugged, sitting back in his chair.

"I'm not telling you to do anything, just that you can't go on like you are. You're gonna run out of red-headed croweaters pretty soon," he said. Jax looked over at him, his lips pursed, and shrugged.

"She's had 4 years to talk to me," he said angrily, "I tried. I'm done." Opie looked doubtfully at his friend as Donna came back outside.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie stood in her kitchen, staring at the box full of letters from Jax sitting on the counter. She tentatively reached out to grab it, hovering it over the trash can, debating on throwing it away. There had to be over 100 unopened letters sitting in this box. Unopened and unanswered. When he'd first gone away, he'd written her at least once a week. The first letter she'd received from him she'd stared at for weeks, wondering if she should read it or not. She hadn't been able to bring herself to open it, but she found she couldn't get rid of it either, so she shoved it in a box that she had put in the very back of her bedroom closet at her old apartment, behind all the shoes she never wore. Each subsequent letter had immediately gone into the box. She'd debating throwing the box out when she'd moved into her house, but somehow the box had come with her, now stuck in the very back of the highest shelf of her hall closet – out of sight, out of mind.

Now was the moment of truth. Throwing this box away would be symbolic of her washing her hands of Jax. She'd have nothing left with ties to him. She'd already purged her house of all pictures or any object that contained memories of Jax. All that was left were these letters. Once she had rid her house of these, that'd be it. But did she want that to be it? She set the box back down on the counter, sighing, not able to take her eyes off of it as the debate warring in her mind carried on.

"_Smuggling? SMUGGLING? How could this happen?" Carrie yelled angrily at Jax, pacing the living room of her apartment. She wasn't stupid – she knew Jax was involved in less than legal activities with the Sons, but she'd thought they were smart enough to not get caught. She was getting a huge dose of reality that was too much for her 20 year old shoulders to carry. Jax narrowed his eyes at her, glaring furiously. _

"_I know, okay? Things got fucked up, we got busted. There's nothing I can do about it now!" Jax yelled back at her. _

"_Things got fucked up?" Carrie shrieked, "You're going to PRISON Jax – PRISON! I think that's a little more than fucked up!"_

"_You think I'm happy about this? You think I wanted this to happen? I'm fucking freaking out!" he screamed, something he wouldn't ever have admitted to anybody else. Carrie sighed, her anger replaced by the incredible helplessness she felt. She sat down at the dining room table, grabbing his pack of cigarettes and lighting one. She took a drag, inhaling deeply in an effort to gain her composure, and looked calmly at Jax. _

"_How long?" she finally asked. He sighed, running his hands through his hair as he took the seat across from her. _

"_I dunno. I won't get sentenced until my court date, which isn't for another six months, if all goes according to plan," Jax said wearily. Carrie scoffed. _

"_So much for fair and speedy," she muttered. Her eyes rose to meet his, "Best guess. How long do you think you'll be in for?" Jax shook his head. _

"_Rosen says since this is my first major offense the judge should be lenient. But it'll probably be around… 10 years or so," he said, watching for her reaction. Her eyes widened as the color drained from her face. _

"_10?" she repeated meekly, "10 _years_?" He nodded slowly. _

"_I could get out earlier, for good behavior and shit," he said. She looked up at him hopefully until he continued, "So I might be out in 6 or 7." _

"_6 or 7 _years?" _she repeated, viciously stubbing her cigarette out in the ashtray as Jax nodded again. She stood up, walking to her freezer and pulling out the bottle of vodka she kept in there, courtesy of Jax. She went to make a quick drink but changed her mind, instead taking a shot straight from the bottle. Jax met her in the kitchen._

"_Look, I know this is shitty. It's not like I'm asking you to wait for me," he said hoping to appease her, and she looked at him, her brown eyes filling with tears. _

"_What do you mean you're not asking me to wait for you?" she asked. He threw his arms up in frustration._

"_I can't fucking win with you!" he said. _

"_So, what… you don't want to be with me anymore?" she asked, her bottom lip quivering. He looked at her, stuck between a rock and a hard place. _

"_No! Of course I do… I just thought you wouldn't… I mean… would you wait if I did ask?" he asked tentatively._

"_I don't know!" she yelled, her voice rising again, "I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my boyfriend is going to JAIL!" _

"_Stop making this all about you! I'm the one that's going to be spending years behind bars –not YOU!" he yelled back at her. _

"_Don't you DARE make me feel like I'm being selfish! We've been together for FOUR years! Your actions affect me too. This isn't just about you!" Carrie screamed, the anger returning and causing her blood to boil. _

"_This isn't what I need right now!" Jax shouted. What he needed was for her to hold him, to tell him everything was going to be okay. He didn't need her to be throwing all of this in his face; he'd already had to deal with that when his lawyer, Rosen, had given him a hard dose of reality when he explained what Jax was looking at. _

"_I don't give a FUCK what you need!" Carrie screamed, anger and helplessness and sadness and frustration flooding through her to the point where she could barely think straight. _

"_I'm gonna sleep at the clubhouse tonight," Jax said. The last thing he wanted to deal with right now was his old lady's wrath. He grabbed his keys off the counter and stalked towards the door. _

"_Yeah, you do that!" she called after him as he slammed the front door shut behind him. _

_Jax drove angrily towards the clubhouse, pulling into a gas station on the way back, knowing he didn't have near enough cigarettes left to get him through what was sure to be a stress filled night. He walked inside, striding up to the counter and asking the girl standing behind it for a pack of smokes. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place where he knew her from. _

"_Rough night?" she asked, looking at his expression as she rang up the cigarettes. He shook his head. _

"_You have no idea," he muttered, grabbing some cash out of his wallet. He took a second to look at the girl who was now leaning over the counter giving him a nice view of her full cleavage, her bleach blond hair hanging in waves down to her tits. She was the complete opposite of Carrie, and she was currently eye-fucking the shit out of him. _

"_I get off in 15 minutes," the girl purred, "Maybe I could turn your night around." Jax stared back at her, thoughts of the next ten years behind bars filling his mind. This is what he needed right now – someone to comfort him, not someone screaming in his face. Knowing he would live to regret the decision but not giving a fuck at that moment, he replied, "If you get off now, I'll give you a ride." _

_The girls eyes lit up and she grinned flirtatiously at him, nodding. She turned to her coworker, standing in the back. _

"_Ray! I'm taking off!" she said, before dashing around the counter and following Jax outside to his bike. He handed her a helmet and she climbed on the bike, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. _

_Carrie didn't sleep all night. All she could think about was Jax – how much she loved him, how scared she was for him, how much it killed her that she couldn't do anything to stop what was going to happen. Her bed felt so empty without him lying there beside her. She needed him to know that she would wait for him, no matter how long he'd be inside for. She knew there was nobody else for her – it had always been and always would be Jax. She'd wait forever for him if he asked her to. _

_The next morning she drove over to the clubhouse and walked inside. A few of the guys were sprawled around the various surfaces of the clubhouse, several with croweaters lying chaotically across them. She saw Opie stand up quickly from his seat at the bar when he saw her there. _

"_Hey… Carrie," he greeted her, "Umm… Jax isn't here." Carrie stopped in her tracks and looked at him, her eyebrows furrowed. _

"_What do you mean he isn't here? He told me he was sleeping here last night – where else would he be?" she asked, confused. Opie looked conflicted, glancing wildly around the room. _

"_Yeah, you know, I'll go check for you," he said, turning to walk down the hall. Carrie's heart started beating faster and she tried to shove away the accusations that were flooding her mind at Opie's suspicious actions. But she knew in her heart what she would find in Jax's room, and she felt a piece of herself die. _

"_Get out of my way," she said, brushing past him and walking down the hall to Jax's room. _

"_Carrie, wait!" Opie called, but she ignored him, turning the corner to walk to the end of the hall where his room was. She opened the door and immediately felt all color drain from her face as her eyes went from Jax, sheets pulled up to his waist as he lay back on his bed smoking a cigarette to the thong and bra lying haphazardly on the floor. Her eyes went from the underwear on the floor to Jax's shame filled face as he refused to make eye contact with her. _

_The bathroom door opened and Carrie's heart stopped as she saw Lily Perkins walk out wearing one of Jax's SAMCRO t-shirts. She smirked at Carrie haughtily as she stood in the doorway, leaning casually against the frame. Carrie looked back at Jax who made no move to do anything. _

"_Is this what happens every time we get in a fight?" Carrie finally asked, her voice full of all of the pain and incredulity that she felt, "And with _her_ of all people?" Jax's eyes finally met hers as he looked back at Lily and it finally dawned on him where he knew her from. _

"_Carrie-" he started, trapped, naked under the sheets. Carrie took one last look at him, knowing the pain she felt was resonating out of her eyes. _

"_God I hope she was worth it," she said, before closing the door behind her and walking out of the clubhouse. _

Carrie looked down at the box of letters in her hand, remembering all the pain she'd felt when she saw Jax with Lily. 4 years she'd wasted on him… she refused to waste anymore. She dumped the box in the trash, smiling to herself. She grabbed a beer and took it out back to her porch, watching a couple of squirrels chasing each other around a tree and feeling an immense burden rise off of her shoulders.

She finished her beer and walked back inside, going straight to the trashcan to empty the trash. Once it was out of her house, it would be final. Her past with Jax would be exactly that – in the past. As she grabbed the bag, she noticed a letter that had fallen out of the box, stuck halfway under the trashcan. She bent down to pick it up, noticing with a jolt that this one was addressed to 'My love.' After it had become apparent that she was not returning his letters, he had begun using the outside of his letters to express his sentiments. She subconsciously grasped her hand over her heart, feeling it constrict.

_Carrie lay on her bed listening to music and sighed, frustrated with her newly instated imprisonment. After getting arrested with Jax for public intoxication and minor in possession, she had been subsequently grounded for life by her parents – which would total to two whole months before she'd be graduated from high school and free from the imposing thumb of her parents. After her arrest, they had become even less supportive of their relationship than they had been for the past two years. _

_She heard a knock on her door and groaned, assuming it was her mother there to have yet another talk with her about how 'that Teller boy is no good' for her. She walked over to open it, raising her eyebrows and grinning when she saw 8 year old Chris standing at the door, an excited gleam in his eye as he bounced on the heels of his feet. _

"_Hey, Buggy," she said and he glanced quickly around, raising his finger to his lips. _

"_Shhhh," he said quietly, a serious expression on his face. Amused, Carrie tried to copy his expression, nodding sagely. Chris crooked his finger at her, motioning for her to bend down to his level. Carrie did so, resting her hands on her knees. _

"_What's up?" Carrie whispered. Chris took one last glance around the hallway before he was assured that they were alone. _

"_Jax is at my window," he whispered in a low voice. _

"_What?" Carrie asked, a little too loudly. _

"_Shhh!" Chris said. Carrie held up her hands in surrender. _

"_Sorry!" she whispered, "What do you mean Jax is at your window?"_

"_He threw rocks at my window and he thought it was your window but I told him it was my window so he asked if I could go get you and he called me his helper!" Chris said proudly. Grinning, Carrie rushed back inside her room, Chris hot on her heels, and opened her window, which was on the same side of the house as Chris'. She saw Jax standing there, grinning sexily up at her. _

"_What are you doing here?" she asked as loudly as she dared. She knew her parents were still downstairs watching TV. _

"_Bustin' you outta the joint, darlin'," he said and she laughed, looking behind her. She held a finger up to Jax, running back to her closet to grab the fire escape ladder her parents had insisted she keep since her room was on the second floor, and which had been exceptionally helpful in sneaking out during her rebellious teenage years. She threw it out the window, latching it to the window sill before turning to Chris. _

"_Thanks, Buggy," she said grinning. Her brother nodded at her as he watched her climb out of her window and down the ladder, jumping into Jax's arms as she got to the bottom. She looked back up at Chris and waved as he waved excitedly back, before looking over at Jax and putting his 'cool face' on, giving Jax a slight head nod. Jax grinned, giving him a head nod back, before taking Carrie's hand and walking her to the street where Opie and Donna were waiting. Grinning, happier than she had been in weeks, Carrie said hi to her friends before climbing on the back of Jax's bike and they took off, finally stopping when they reached some woods on the edge of the Charming city limits. _

_They all climbed off their bikes and Opie and Jax took a bottle of Jack each out of their saddlebags before leading the girls through the woods to a clearing they'd all been to before. They sat around, passing the bottles around, laughing and talking. Carrie relished in the feeling of being surrounded by friends and her boyfriend, all of whom she knew would do anything for her. Eventually, Donna climbed up on Opie's lap, cuddling against him and kissing him lightly on the lips. Jax grinned down at Carrie, taking her hand and leading her through the woods to give Opie and Donna some alone time, and to try to get some for themselves. They settled against a tree, Carrie curled into Jax as he wrapped his arms around her. _

"_I hate not being able to see you all the time," Jax said, rubbing Carrie's arm with her hand. _

"_I know," Carrie murmured. She pulled away from him, looking sadly up at him, "My parents have pretty much forbidden me to see you anymore." She saw the panic flit into Jax's eyes as he looked wildly back at her, alarmed. Jax knew her parents weren't his biggest fan, but he never thought they'd forbid her to see him. And though he may not give a fuck what her parents thought, he knew that deep down Carrie did, and he wasn't sure what she was trying to tell him with this revelation. _

"_What? No, Carrie, no way. I can't live without you. I love you," he said, the fear still present in his eyes. Carrie's eyes widened as she looked at him, a slow smile creeping onto her face. _

"_You've… you've never said that to me before," she said, sliding closer to him across the brush of the forest floor. He looked back at her unsmiling, his expression one of all seriousness. _

"_What? That I love you? Of course I love you, Carrie," he told her. She grinned wider. _

"_I love you, too," she whispered quietly, watching as some of the panic left his eyes, 'And I don't want to live without you either. We've just gotta tough it out for two more months, figure it out. Then I'll graduate high school and I can do whatever I want… or whoever I want," she added slyly. He grinned at her, all fear gone from his expression as he took her in his arms, kissing her deeply. _

Carrie sighed, running her thumb again over the 'my love' on the envelope before she opened the garbage bag, grabbing the box and pulling it out. She realized that the only way to get past this once and for all was to face it head on, and the only way to do that would be to finally read the damn letters that had haunted her for four years.

She set the box on the table and opened it, pulling out a letter. She stared at it for several moments before finally turning it over. She slid her finger under the glued flap, feeling it tear under her finger before revealing a hastily folded piece of lined paper, covered front to back.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

Carrie sat staring at the letter in her hand, knowing her decision but terrified to start reading it and the rest of the letters. Her break up with Jax had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to go through, and she now knew what it felt like when Jax Teller broke your heart. She knew she couldn't go through that again, but was protecting herself from further pain actually _causing_ her more pain?

She was jerked out of her thoughts by a soft knock on the front door and frowned, wondering who it could be. The only people that ever visited unannounced were her parents, Chris, and Donna, and all of them usually just burst right inside as if it was their own house. Her heart began racing as she wondered if it could possibly be who she thought it was – as if her thoughts had caused him to appear. She cautiously walked to her door, grasping the knob and delaying the moment when she would have to open it.

She slowly swung the door open, her heart practically leaping into her throat as it revealed a forlorn and tortured looking Jax, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his head ducked down as he glanced up at her nervously. She stood in the doorway, staring at him for the second time in the last week, hundreds of thoughts crowding their way into the forefront of her mind.

"Hi…" was all she was finally able to get out.

"Hey," he said. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously before continuing, "Can I come in? Talk to you for a second?" Carrie nodded silently, stepping out of his way to allow him entrance.

"Nice place," he said, looking around her living room that opened directly to the kitchen and dining area. She looked around, too, remembering with a jolt that of course, he'd never seen the place she'd lived for the year.

"Oh, thanks," she replied. They stood there awkwardly, the tension between them palpable until Jax's eyes landed on the open box full of his letters in the dining room. His brow furrowed as he looked between the letters and Carrie.

"You kept them?" he asked, striding over to the box and digging through it quickly before turning back to her, his confusion replaced with anger, "You didn't open _any_ of them?" She stood defensively in the living room, bristling at his attitude.

"Of course I didn't open them," she said, trying to keep her voice calm but feeling her emotions begin to take control of her, "Just _looking_ at them tore me apart, why would I _read _them?" He glared at her, shaking his head.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because you fucking loved me? Maybe because I was trying to make things right, to apologize!" he yelled.

"YOU BROKE MY HEART!" Carrie screamed at him, anger welling inside of her, "I didn't want a fucking apology! I wanted you out of my life!" She could sense Jax's fury rising as he grabbed the box, throwing it against the wall. The letters scattered all across the floor as he stood there seething.

"Then why bother keeping them?" he asked, the pain in his voice betraying him.

"Well I was just about to throw them away when you knocked on my damn door!" Carrie lied, wanting in that moment for him to feel a fraction of the pain he'd been causing her over the last four years. She turned her back on him for a minute, trying to keep her tears under control.

"Yeah, well if you're so done with me, why do you still have my crow on your shoulder?" he asked harshly, the tattoo Carrie had gotten over 5 years ago on her shoulder blade peeking out from behind her tank top. Her hand flew instinctively over her shoulder to cover the tattoo before she turned back around to face Jax.

"You caused me enough pain, Jax," she spat at him, "I didn't want the added pain of getting the damn thing removed." Jax shook his head.

"I don't believe that," he said, striding towards her, "If you really wanted me out of your life, you wouldn't have kept these letters, and you wouldn't have kept that tattoo." Carrie shook her head wildly.

"No," she insisted, not able to come up with an argument. She knew the reason she kept the letters and the tattoo just as well as he did. She still loved him, still wanted a part of him with her, even if every fiber of her being tried to deny it.

He strode towards her, grabbing her head in between his hands and kissed her fiercely. She felt her body respond, melting into the kiss, before shoving him back. As if of its own accord, her hand flew back and slapped Jax across the face and they stood staring at each other, chests heaving as they both struggled to catch their breath. Carrie's eyes searched Jax's face as his did the same and before she knew what was happening she had embraced him again, throwing her arms around his neck as he kissed her hungrily, pushing her against the wall as he enveloped her in his arms. Every emotion each of them was feeling – anger, hurt, love, desperation – was built into that kiss before Carrie placed her hands on Jax's chest, breaking apart from him and pushing him slightly away from her. He looked back at her, trying to find through her eyes what she was thinking.

"This can't happen right now. I'm… I'm the bird, Jax. I need to fly away," she said helplessly, shaking her head. He furrowed his brow, confused.

"The fuck you talking about?" he asked. She looked distraught.

"You know, the bird, and you hurt it with the BB gun but you still didn't want to let it go," she tried to explain. He blinked once, a dawning expression coming over him.

"Have you been talking to Neeta about me?" he asked. Carried shrugged, not answering the question.

"I think…you need to leave," She said softly. He kept a straight face, not breaking eye contact from her until she finally blinked and looked away.

"When can I see you again?" he asked, unable to keep a touch of hopefulness out of his voice.

"I don't know, Jax. I don't know if it's a good idea if you do. I just need some time to think about things," Carrie said, the pain of her words etched across her face. She had never been as good as Jax at hiding her emotions. He narrowed his eyes slightly but otherwise his face remained impassive.

"Yeah," he said. He took another glance around the room, his eyes raking over the letters he had spent four years pouring his heart and soul into and which now lie discarded over the floor, before he turned and walked out.

Jax stormed into the clubhouse, making a beeline for the bar and grabbed a half full bottle of Jack from behind it. He took a long pull of it, sitting on a bar stool while he stewed in his thoughts. She needed time? She'd had nothing but time the last four years. The thoughts rolling through his mind boiled his blood as he fueled his anger with the burning whisky he kept tipping back. He'd thought about almost nothing but her the entire time he was locked up, and now it seemed that Carrie hadn't given him a second thought.

Refusing to think about the mistakes on his part that had caused Carrie to ignore his letters, he continued drowning his sorrows in his bottle of whiskey, glad that his brothers partying around the clubhouse had the right frame of mind to ignore him. His mind drifted back to the kiss at her house. The connection that had always existed so tangibly between them was still there; he knew she felt it, too. He knew she still loved him; what he didn't know was whether or not that would be enough. He reached the end of the bottle and was disappointed that he was still able to form semi-coherent thoughts about Carrie. He'd been in love with her since he was 18 years old – would he ever get to the point where she wasn't always on his mind?

He looked around the clubhouse and saw a red-headed croweater wandering around. In his drunken state, she looked exactly like Carrie, but every red head he saw always reminded him of Carrie. Giving up on drowning his sorrows, he decided instead to try to fuck them away. He grabbed the red head and led her back to his bedroom where he was able to stick his dick in her without ever letting his thoughts stray from Carrie's lips on his.

**SOASOASOA**

Carrie looked around her kitchen, sighing at the letters strewn across the floor like confetti and began scooping them up, piling them back in the box that had housed them for years. After she'd collected them all, she sat in front of the box and grabbed the top letter, opening it carefully. It was a short letter and, according to the postmark, written just a few months into his sentence. Tears sprang to her eyes as she began reading Jax's sweet words that poured out of the page and directly into her heart.

_Carrie- _

_I don't have a lot of time, but I needed to write you again. I have so much I want to say to you, I just don't know how to put it all into words. I'm just hoping you read this. I'll say it again and every day for the rest of my life - I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I know I'll never be able to apologize enough and I'd give anything to take it all back. I love you so much – more than anything. I need you, Carrie. I can't even tell you how much I fucking need you. I know I don't have any right to ask anything of you, but I'm just hoping you don't hate me. It kills me, knowing I hurt you so bad to deserve your hate. You mean everything to me – you're all I think about inside, you're all that gets me through my day. Please forgive me. _

_I love you. _

_Jax_

She set the letter down, looking at the hundred-plus letters remaining in the box, eager and hesitant at the same time to see what they all said. She didn't hate Jax; she loved him too much for her to ever hate him and it saddened her to think that he'd spent 4 years thinking that. But what had she ever given him to prove otherwise? She'd never written him back, never visited.

She read through several more letters, careful to check the dates on them. The dates were scattered, a few during the first year, several others during his second and third years inside, but they were all more of the same. He'd take it all back if he could, he wants nothing more than to go back and do everything differently, and he understands why she hasn't written back but he hopes she's reading the letters.

The next letter she came to made her heart skip a beat. Written a year into his sentence, this wasn't a love letter dripping with sincerity; it was angry, hurt and mean.

**Carrie -**

**It's taken me a year inside to finally realize that you're full of shit. Our entire relationship was full of shit. Opie came to visit, said Donna told him she can't even say my name around you, you stuck up bitch. Too good for me now? I hate that I wasted 4 fucking years on you. I'm not surprised that you can't take 5 minutes out of your day to fucking write me back. You weren't there for me when I needed you after I was arrested, so why should I think you'd be there now? Always so fucking selfish. Always just thinking about yourself. **

**I hate that about you. That's why I fucked that girl - because of you. And I'm glad I did because it got me rid of you. If I'd know how good some strange pussy would feel after being with only you for 4 years I'd have done it a lot sooner. Opie says you're fucking some guy at Oswald's company now. Guess he hasn't realized what a selfish bitch you are. When he finally runs for the hills make sure you let him know the gas station chick's an easy lay with great tits. Maybe I'll look her up when I finally get out of here. **

**I've finally realized something: I never actually loved you. You mean nothing to me. So don't worry about any more letters from me. This will be the last one you get. Go fuck yourself. **

**Jax**

She bit her lip, her heart constricting and her eyes widening as she read through the letter whose sole purpose was to hurt her, and job well done. He had written it after a year of her refusing to answer any of his letters, after Opie had told him she had started seeing somebody else.

His thoughts were so scattered on the page. He was so hurt; so angry at her. She knew he didn't mean anything he wrote – countless love letters written after this one were proof of that – but that didn't stop it from hurting her heart, and she finally realized that she was not the only one hurt by their breakup. It had been easier for her outside – she'd been able to try and move on, dated a few other people. Not that any of them had lasted long or helped her to forget Jax.

She glanced at her watch, it was already close to midnight but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep until she had finished looking through the entire box. She took the next letter, checking the postmark on the envelope. This was written about 6 months before his release. She slid her finger underneath the glue sealed flap and opened it, her heart beating wildly in anticipation of another hurtful letter. She looked at the scrawled writing and began to read.

_Carrie-_

_I hope that you're reading all these letters I'm sending. I'm starting to feel like a stalker, but writing you is the only bright spot in my week. Opie came to visit the other day, he said you got promoted at the day care a while back. I'm so proud of you. You'll make a great boss. Make sure to take care of Neeta, I know she likes working there. Opie showed me a picture of you and Donna. You look great. Your smile still makes my day. _

_I love you so much Carrie, I wish I could see you and tell you that in person. I need you to know that. I've always loved you, I always will love you. I know I've said that I'm sorry every possible way I know how, and none of them seem to be working. You need to know that you're what gets me through every day in this hell hole. _

_I hope your family is doing well, tell Buggy I said what's up. Ma is doing good, she asks me about you every time she comes up here. I don't know why she bothers; you know as well as I do she already knows the answer to most questions she asks. She said she was going to try to meet up with you for lunch one day soon, if she acts on it I apologize in advance. _

_In a couple months I find out if I can bust out of this joint early. As long as no crazy shit happens between now and then I should be good to leave sometime next year. I have you to thank for that, there are a lot of assholes in here that deserve a good beat down, but every time I think of the possibility of waiting even longer to see you again, I manage to make it through another day. _

_I've got to get going. I love you Carrie._

_Hoping this time I get a response. _

_Love, Jax_

She sighed, so many emotions running through her she didn't know what to do with them all. She smiled as she skimmed the letter one more time before putting it to the side and picking up the next letter in the pile.

Several hours later, she'd finished reading every letter Jax had ever written to her. She'd found several more awful, hurtful letters, but for the most part they were all about his love for her. She looked at the pile stacked on her dining room table, exhausted and confused. Reading through his letters, the love for her and hurt at her disregard pouring off the pages, she didn't know what to do. She regretted more than anything not opening the letters sooner, but wondered if she had if they'd have had the same effect. Would she have cared about his apologies and how much he loved and needed her 4 years ago? She wasn't sure.

She took one last look at the letters before making her way to bed where she knew she was unlikely to get a good night's sleep. She was sure her dreams would be full of her lost love, and she hoped they might be able to tell her if he was worth the risk.

**SOASOASOA**

The next morning, Carrie worked diligently in the day care, trying her best to focus on the schedule she was making, but her thoughts kept wandering back to Jax's letters to her. She knew she wouldn't be able to focus until she worked out all the emotions she was feeling. Sighing, she stood up from her desk and found Neeta, who was hanging up children's artwork while the class was napping. Neeta looked up when she noticed her, smiling warmly at Carrie.

"Can I talk to you?" Carrie asked her softly, not daring to wake the three year olds sleeping on their mats on the floor. Neeta nodded, motioning to the reading corner on the opposite side of the room where the women could talk without disturbing the children, but still keep an eye on them. Neeta looked at Carrie expectantly, waiting for her to start.

"I read the letters Jax sent me while he was in jail," She told her. Neeta's face remained impassive as she waited for Carrie to continue.

"And…" Neeta prompted when she didn't say anything.

"And, I didn't realize how much I'd hurt him," Carrie said sadly, "I didn't realize how much he needed me."

"Of course he needed you." Neeta chided her, "That boy was crazy about you… _is_ crazy about you."

"I know he is, but he hurt me too! Why do I feel so guilty about hurting him when he hurt me?" Carrie questioned.

"Because you love him, crazy girl, that's why. You don't want to think about him hurt," Neeta explained to her.

"But I don't want to love him anymore," Carrie admitted quietly, "He hurt me so badly; I don't want to feel that way ever again."

Neeta sat thoughtfully for a moment, thinking about what Carrie told her, before she spoke again.

"When Jax was 10, his little brother Thomas thought he was a god. He wanted nothing more than to hang out with Jax and his friends and feel like one of them. One morning Thomas begged Jax to let him go ride bikes to the park with him to play with Jax's buddies. Jax told Thomas that he was too young and he didn't want to have to babysit him. Told him he didn't want him taggin' along with him and his friends. Thomas came to me crying, and I told Jax he needed to be nicer to his brother. Jax threw a fit and told Thomas he hated him, and wished he would just go away."

Carrie snorted. "I hope you spanked him."

Neeta smiled, and continued her story. "Later that day, Thomas got put into the hospital – you know he had a bad heart like his Mama and Jax – but it hit him harder than them, so he was always in and out of the hospital. The next day, Thomas passed on. Jax sat by his brother's bedside crying after we were told he went to be with the lord, telling his brother how much he loved him and how if he would just wake up Jax would take him everywhere with him. He told me later he wished he could take the day before back and just take Thomas to the park. He thought his brother died thinking Jax hated him."

Carrie blinked away tears that had formed while she thought of the dark time in Jax's life, only a few years before he was destined to lose his father as well.

"So… am I Thomas in this story?" she asked tentatively, wondering what Neeta was trying to tell her.

Neeta rolled her eyes. "You're not dead honey. All I was trying to tell you is that Jax doesn't get second chances to make things right with the people he loves very often. He knows he hurt you and he's going to do everything in his power to make it right."

"So you think I should give him a second chance?" Carrie asked. Neeta shook her head.

"I'm not telling you to do anything – that's gotta be your choice," Neeta replied, "But I will say this: the kind of love you and Jax have – that's a once in a lifetime kind of thing. A lot of people never find that but you two did, and I don't think either one of you should let that go without a fight. I know Jax won't."

* * *

**A/N - So much thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or alerted this story! We get so excited every time a new one comes in and we're so happy people are reading and enjoying this story! **

**Please let us know what you thought about this last chapter! We really appreciate it! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Thanks again to all those who have read and reviewed and/or alerted this story!**

* * *

Carrie mindlessly pushed her food around her plate as she sat at the dining room table at her parents' house for dinner, trying to make it seem like she was eating. She'd had very little appetite since Jax had paid her a visit and it had been the only thing on her mind since.

"So how are things going with that nice young man from the bank? What was his name? Billy? Bobby?" her mother, Helen, asked her as she reached for the bread basket. Carrie rolled her eyes.

"It was Sam, and we broke up like 4 months ago, mom," she said.

"Hmmm well nobody tells me anything around here anymore," Helen said, bristling, "What happened? I liked him. Always so polite, good job,_ very_ handsome."

"He was wimpy," Chris spoke up from beside her. Carrie looked over at him, giving him a small smile.

"Wimpy?" Helen repeated, "What do you mean wimpy?" Carrie's father, George, sat focused on his meal, knowing better than to try and partake in this conversation.

"He never took control of anything. It was frustrating," Carrie tried to elaborate.

"So? You want some man controlling you?" Helen asked.

"No, just someone who can pick a restaurant every now and then," Carrie muttered, not wanting to get into this argument right now.

"Well you're never going to find somebody perfect," Helen responded. Carrie sighed.

"I don't want somebody perfect," she responded, "Just… somebody perfect for me." She pushed the mashed potatoes around on her plate with her fork, knowing she already knew who that was but having no idea what to do about it.

After dinner, Carrie helped clear the table and went outside to sit on the porch with her brother. They sat in silence for a while, staring out at the street ahead of them.

"So how's school going?" Carrie finally asked. Chris shrugged.

"Fine," he said, "You gonna come to some of my games this season?" Carrie smiled and nodded.

"Every home game! Couldn't miss my little brother as starting quarterback now could I?" she asked. He smiled back at her.

"Good," he said. He paused as if he wasn't sure he should say what he was about to before he continued, "Heard Jax was out." Carrie glanced over at him, her brow furrowed.

"Where'd you hear that?" she asked. Chris shrugged.

"You weren't the only one he wrote to," he said. Carrie gaped at him, her eyebrows raised.

"What? He wrote you? Did you write back?" she asked.

"I… may have written him once or twice," he said as Carrie stared at him in shock, "A month," he added. She blinked a few times, trying to process the information.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. What did he say?" she asked.

"Mostly he just asked about you," he responded.

"So much for brotherly loyalty," Carrie grumbled.

"Oh I had words with him before we went away about what he did," he said, "But Jesus Christ Carrie, the guy was so torn up about it, it was kinda hard to stay mad at him." Carrie glared at him before leaning back in her chair.

"So what'd you tell him?" she asked. Chris shrugged.

"Nothing much, I guess. Just… whatever was going on with you at the time," he said, "He just wanted to know how you were doing, since you weren't writing him back." Carrie sighed and nodded, staring silently out at the street ahead of them for several minutes before speaking again.

"I read his letters," she finally admitted. Chris raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"It's about time," he said.

"I know. I feel like shit that I never wrote him back. I'm actually… I'm glad you wrote to him," she said. Chris reached over to take her hand, squeezing it.

"He loves you, Carrie," he said, looking over at her, "And I always liked him. He's the only one of your boyfriends I've ever had any respect for." Carrie smirked at him, shaking her head.

"I think you put the Sons of Anarchy on too high a pedestal," she told him, "They're the reason Jax was in jail for 4 years. The reason Otto is probably gonna be in for the rest of his life."

"Yeah, you got anything in your life you're so dedicated to you'd risk that much?" Chris asked, "I'm not saying jail's great or anything, but loyalty like that's rare. It's cool." Carrie rolled her eyes, knowing how much Chris had always idolized the Sons growing up – so much so that he went and traded in the car their parents had given him when he turned 16 for a motorcycle. Their parents had a field day when that happened, but in the end he'd been able to keep it. Chris had always been able to get away with murder, unlike Carrie. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he was the baby, younger than Carrie by 8 years.

"So you gonna get back together with him?" Chris asked.

"Don't push it, Buggy," Carrie responded, choosing not to answer the question. Especially since she didn't even know if it was a possibility now; he'd been so angry when she'd kicked him out the day before. Chris frowned at her.

"Don't call me that. No one's called me that since I was, like, 12," he said. She grinned, playfully punching him on the arm.

"Yeah, well, you'll always be Buggy to me," she said and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, I think you and Jax are both idiots if you don't get back together," Chris retorted. Carrie shook her head.

"Don't let mom hear you say that," she said, grinning, trying to keep her voice sounding light hearted.

"I won't," Chris grumbled, "But she's an idiot, too, half the time." Carrie laughed, nodding in agreement. She loved her mother, but sometimes she had the most backwards viewpoints. Ever since Carrie and Jax were arrested together after a tiny little case of public intoxication and minor in possession, she'd had it in for Jax.

"So… are you going to tell him you read the letters?" Chris asked. Carrie leaned back in her chair, pulling her knees up and resting her heels on the seat.

"Yeah, I'm gonna tell him," she said.

"When?" Chris asked eagerly. Carrie shrugged, running a hand through her hair.

"When I find the courage," she said. Chris shook his head.

"You have nothing to be worried about. He's nuts about you, trust me. His ego's just hurt a little, that's all," Chris told her. Carrie nodded.

"Yeah, okay. Maybe I'll go talk to him tomorrow," she told him.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie had told herself she was going to wait until the next day to talk to Jax, but driving home after dinner, she found she couldn't wait any longer. She needed to get everything she was feeling off of her chest, and now was as good a time as any. She pulled into the Teller-Morrow lot and parked her car, sitting nervously in it for several minutes before finally mustering the courage to get out of the car.

She walked inside and wasn't surprised to find it bustling with activity. Music was blaring and croweaters were running around, chasing after any attention the Sons would throw at them. She scanned the room and couldn't see any sign of Jax. She walked up to the bar where a patch with a Mohawk and tribal tattoos on either side of his head sat. She didn't recognize him and figured he must have joined after Jax went inside. He glanced over at her and smiled broadly at her, immediately losing any intimidation the Mohawk and tattoos gave him. She smiled back at him.

"Hey, I'm looking for Jax," she told him. He nodded.

"Of course you are," he said, his grin faltering slightly as he realized this was not a possibility of a hookup for him, "He's in his room. It's down that hall, last door on your-"

"She knows where it is, idiot," Opie cut in as he walked up to them. Carrie looked over at Opie and he gave her a small smile.

"Is he… is he alone?" Carried asked him cautiously.

"Would I let you go back there if he wasn't?" Opie asked. Carrie grinned.

"Let me? You wouldn't be able to stop me," she reminded him. He shrugged.

"Yeah, he's alone, far as I know," he said, stepping back so she could pass him.

"Was that the famous Carrie?" Juice asked as he put two and two together, his eyes following Carrie's retreating figure as she disappeared around the corner.

"Uh huh," Opie replied.

"Well this is gonna be interesting," Juice said, standing from his seat at the bar and walking off as if to follow Carrie. Opie grabbed him by the back of the cut, dragging him back to the bar just in time to see Gemma walk up. She gave him a look.

"You grab me by the back of my shirt I'll cut your hand off," she said, sliding onto a seat at the bar to wait for Carrie to come back out.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Opie said before walking off to join the rest of the party, leaving Gemma at the bar to her thoughts. This was definitely an interesting turn of events – Carrie going to Jax instead of the other way around. Carrie had been her son's first and only love, and she'd always liked the girl. She'd never seen him happier than when he was with her, and he'd never been more committed to the club. Carrie had been good for Jax – she kept a good head on his shoulders without criticizing or complaining about the life he had lead. She had loved him, all of him.

Until he'd gotten arrested, and then Gemma had been the one left to pick up the pieces after they broke up. She was already dealing with her son about to go to prison, and on top of that she'd had to deal with a son who didn't care if he lived or died. She'd been terrified he'd be sent away with that attitude and be killed inside. It had disturbed her to know that Carrie had the power to hurt him like that, and even though she knew the reason for their break up lay mostly on Jax's shoulders, she couldn't help but be angry that Carrie hadn't been there for him when he needed her the most.

Carrie knocked softly on Jax's door, butterflies warring in her stomach. She couldn't remember ever being so nervous about anything in her entire life. Jax yelled that the door was open and she walked in to see him lying on his bed shirtless, smoking a cigarette. Jax looked up as she entered and surprise flitted across his face, followed quickly by the impassive expression he often wore.

"What are you doing here?" he asked curtly. She looked briefly around the room before turning back to him.

"Well this is a much nicer view than the last time I opened this door," she said lightly. He glared over at her.

"Too soon?" she asked, "Okay… not funny." She took a step into the room, her eyes not leaving Jax's, "Can we talk?" she asked. He shrugged noncommittally, motioning for her to come in. He made no attempt to move, so she sat stiffly on the bed, turning to face him.

"I wanted to tell you…" she started, her voice trailing off as she began to lose her nerve. She took a deep breath and started over, "I wanted to tell you I read your letters." He glanced up at her, taking another drag of his cigarette, his face remaining impassive.

"Yeah," was all he said.

"They made me cry," she told him, "Some of them were so… you were so angry at me. But most of them were so sweet. They reminded me of falling in love with you all over again." She stared down at her hands as he sat there, unresponsive, his mind also returning to the first time he'd known he was in love with her.

_Jax pulled into the parking lot of Charming High School to see students pouring out of the front doors, happy to be done with school until the next morning. He threw his finished cigarette on the ground before pushing himself off his bike, his eyes eagerly scanning the crowd for Carrie. They'd been together six months and it was scaring him how much he liked her; he couldn't even stand the 8 hours a day they had to be apart so she could go to school. _

_He finally spotted her standing under the breezeway talking with a group of girls. She didn't notice him as he approached them and he picked up on some of their conversation. _

"_Oh my God, Carrie. Luke Berringer is totally checking you out," a small brunette girl said excitedly, looking over at a group of boys wearing letterman jackets. Jax followed her gaze, his eyes narrowing as he saw one looking a little too lustily as his girl. _

"_Like I care," Carrie responded and Jax smiled, debating on letting her know he was there but choosing instead to listen to the conversation. _

"_Oh come on, Carrie," another girl, this one blond with what Jax couldn't help but notice were a great set of tits, spoke up, "He's the captain of the football team. He's been trying to get a date with you for weeks. Luke is a guy who can take care of you, not some loser high school drop out who's never gonna amount to more than a grease monkey. I mean, I get that Jax is hot in a bad boy kind of way, but you've had your fun. We're graduating next year and it's time to get serious about our relationships." _

_Carrie snorted. She knew how desperate Lily was for Jax to notice her when he was still in school with them. She had long suspected that one of the only reasons Lily had sought out a friendship with her was because of Donna and Opie getting together, and she saw that as an in to Jax. _

"_Oh please, Lily. I see the way you look at Jax when he picks me up – you're so jealous. Jax is way more of a man than Luke would ever hope to be, and I can promise you – he takes care of me just fine," Carrie retorted. Jax smirked. _

"_I am not- that is so not even a little bit true," Lily insisted, but the flush in her cheeks gave her away, "Think about your reputation, Carrie," she added, while the other girls all nodded in agreement. _

"_Oh, okay, Lily, like your reputation for sucking off the entire football team underneath the bleachers every time they win a game?" she asked, causing Lily's jaw to drop, "Or yours, Becca, for being such an idiot you think dolphins are baby sharks? Or Whitney, who has a reputation for giving hand jobs underneath the lunch table. Not exactly hygienic." Whitney and Becca looked mildly affronted and before any of them could respond, Carrie continued, "I don't want some guy like Luke, anyway. I want someone that cares about me, that's there for me." _

"_Then get a dog," Whitney snapped, obviously still offended. _

"_Oh wait, she already did," Lily said nastily, causing all the girls to break out into giggles. Carrie pulled her hand back, slapping Lily as hard as she could across the face. _

"_I can't believe I never saw what a terrible person you are," she said, shaking her hand out as Lily stood there, staring at her, her hand pressed against her cheek, "You are not my friend." _

_She immediately turned around and spotted Jax, her anger dissipating and she suddenly started feeling flustered. She smiled shyly at him, trying to smooth her hair down with her hands as she walked up to him. And in that moment, Jax knew he was in love for the first time. He pulled her close to him and leaned her back, kissing her deeply as she threw her arms around his neck. After what could have been years, he straightened up, grinning at her as he threw her over his shoulder. She squealed, catching the dirty looks of Lily, Whitney, and Becca as Jax carried her to his bike. _

Jax snapped out of his reverie as he realized Carrie had started talking again.

"You know, the real reason I didn't get your crow removed was because… I wanted to feel like I always had a part of you with me. I love you so much. I know I do because you wouldn't have been able to hurt me so much if I didn't love you," she paused, looking down at him and sighed when he still didn't respond.

"I guess this conversation is pointless," she muttered as she started to rise from the bed. He glanced up at her, his hand reaching out for her arm as he pulled her back down, looking beseechingly at her. She curled into him, resting her head on his chest as he wrapped his arm around her. They lay like that, a million thoughts going unsaid between the two of them, until Carrie's breath evened out and she fell asleep. Jax kissed her lightly on the forehead and reached over to turn off the light.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie stirred the next morning, her eyes opening slowly as she realized she was still in the same clothes from last night and for a moment she didn't know where she was. Her apprehension vanished almost instantly as she felt Jax's arms wrapped firmly around her and she lifted her head, peeking up at him.

"Morning," he whispered, a worried expression crossing his face as if he was unsure what her reaction would be. She sat up, smiling at him.

"Morning," she responded, and the worry was erased from his face as he smiled back at her.

"So you didn't say much last night," she told him. He shrugged, his arm still firmly wrapped around her waist.

"You read my letters. Wasn't much else left to say," he said. She chewed nervously on her bottom lip for a moment.

"So you… do you…" she sighed, trying to organize her thoughts, "Do you still feel that way?" He sat up, pulling her closer to him as he leaned down and kissed her.

"I'll always feel that way," he whispered to her, "You know how I feel."

She lay with her cheek pressed to his chest, listening to his heart beat, before finally sitting up. "You think anyone is up yet?"

Jax snorted. "I'd hope so, it's almost noon."

Carrie groaned, thinking of the knowing stares she was sure to receive when she made her walk of shame.

Jax laughed at her reaction, "Don't worry, everyone's just gonna think we had wild hot sex all night and that you came crawling back to me because you couldn't resist my charm and good looks any longer."

Carrie gave him an expression of faux anger. "I can resist your charm just fine thank you."

Jax raised his eyebrows. "Wanna test that theory?" He asked her, rolling on top of her, looking down at her with a wolfish smile.

"Yes." She said, biting her bottom lip. "But!" She interrupted as he began kissing her neck. "Not now, I have to go."

Jax pouted as she wiggled out from under him, jumping up off the bed. He stood up wrapping an arm lazily around her waist and led her to the door. "Ready for the inquisition?"

Carrie sighed. "There's no way I could just jump out the window instead?"

" 'Fraid not darling." He told her with his patented grin.

"You're just loving this aren't you?" She asked him.

"Oh yeah."

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**A/N - Please review! We really appreciate the feedback, if you have a moment to spare! Thanks! **


	6. Chapter 6

Jax pulled up to Carrie's house, parking his bike in her driveway and looking up at it, full of a nervous energy he hadn't felt in years. When she'd called earlier that day and asked him to come over for dinner he'd immediately accepted, happy that things seemed to be moving in the right direction since she'd come to see him the night before. Now that he was here, however, he found himself unsure of what he'd find inside.

Not much had been said between them the night before and as much as he wanted it to, he knew they wouldn't be able to just pick up right where they left off. Too much had happened and too much time had passed between them. He knew they were going to have to have the conversation he always dreaded. He hated talking about his feelings; at expressing to someone what they meant to him. For God's sake, it'd taken him two years to tell her he loved her. It'd been a lot easier writing to her, not having to worry about her reaction to his words. But he knew their history had caused a distance between them, and if they were going to have any chance of closing it, they'd need to work through things.

He pulled himself off his bike and walked up to the door, knocking lightly. She came to the door quickly, smiling shyly at him as she stepped aside for him to walk in. He smiled back at her, the electricity that had always existed between them permeating throughout the room.

"Dinner's almost ready," she said, and he resisted the urge to take her in his arms and kiss her and prolong whatever conversation they needed to have.

"Smell's good," he said as she led him into the living room. She smiled back at him and ran to check on the food before joining him on the couch. She looked at him hesitatingly, as though she wasn't sure how to form the words she wanted to say.

"Jax, I need to talk to you," she said. He eyed her warily.

"Yeah, I figured as much," he said. She took a deep breath, steadying herself.

"I've been thinking a lot about you and us lately," she started and he felt his heart quicken, "And after I read your letters, I realized that I have a lot to apologize to you for," she said, looking directly at him. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, waiting for her to continue. She paused, flicking her eyes away from him briefly as she gathered her thoughts before returning her gaze to his.

"I was so mad at you after I saw you with Lily, I never once stopped to think that I hurt you, too. I'm so sorry for what I said to you that day." She didn't need to clarify; he knew what day she was talking about.

"I just need you to know that… whatever this is, whatever is happening between us or whatever does happen, I'll never desert you like that again," she said, grasping his hand, "I could make up a million excuses about why I reacted the way I did, but no matter what the reasons were, if it was because I was just young or terrified or whatever, I know I was being selfish, and you didn't deserve that. I know you needed me to be there for you that day, and I wasn't, and I'm sorry." She ended the speech in a whisper, her eyes full of sadness. He stared at her for a moment before he leaned over, grasping the back of her head, and kissed her deeply, pouring everything he felt into that kiss. Kissing her felt natural and right and having her in his arms without her pushing him away made him feel whole again. It wasn't until the oven timer beeped that they broke apart.

"So does that mean you forgive me?" she asked. He nodded.

"Carrie, I forgave you a long time ago," he told her. She nodded, looking relieved, before flicking her eyes towards the kitchen.

"I need to get the food out before it burns," she said reluctantly, standing up and walking to the kitchen. Jax followed her in, wrapping his arms around her from behind as she began making their plates. She giggled as he kissed her neck, finally turning around to face him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she peered up at him.

"So are we doing this?" she asked. He shifted his body, pulling her closer to him.

"Carrie, you know the way I feel about you. It hasn't changed. You know I'm in. I need to know if you are," he said.

"I'm in," she whispered, "I'm all in." He grinned irresistibly down at her before kissing her hungrily. She ran her hands through his hair, wrapping it in her fists as their passion increased.

"Jax," she whispered as his lips moved down her neck to her collarbone, gently nipping at the tender flesh. He groaned against her, feeling himself harden at the sound of his name on her lips. He wanted to taste every part of her, consumed with need to be inside her again. Leaving their dinner forgotten on the counter, he swept her up in his arms and carried her back to her room.

Once inside, he set her down, pushing her against the wall as she frantically tore his cut and t-shirt off and threw them on the floor, revealing the band of white boxers above his low hung jeans. Her heart raced as she ran her hands down his chest and his eyes closed briefly at the feel of her touch against his skin. When he opened them again, he looked into her eyes which reflected the same need and desire and affection he felt.

He tugged on the bottom of her tank top and she lifted her arms as he tore it off of her before reaching behind her and expertly unsnapping her bra, letting it fall to the floor. He ran his hands over her breasts and she threw her head back against the wall as his thumbs trailed over her nipples, which hardened immediately at his touch. He slowly moved his hands down her sides and to her back, memories flooding through him at the feel of her soft skin before slowly unbuttoning her jeans, shoving them and her panties to the floor before she stepped out of them and kicked them away.

Her hands reached out, rubbing against his jean-clad dick as she felt it harden at her touch, his jeans tightening around him. She gazed up at him, his eyes burning into hers, as she moved her hands to his belt buckle, quickly undoing it and his jeans fell to the floor. He stepped out of them and his boxers before he wrapped his hand behind her head, kissing her deeply as he reached down and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he walked her over to the bed, gently setting her down and crawling on top of her. He gazed down at her, brushing a strand of hair out of her face and running his finger down her cheek.

"God I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you, too," she replied softly, running her hands through his hair to his strong shoulders, "So much." He leaned his head down, kissing her as she wrapped a leg around his waist and he slowly moved his hips, running his cock along her wet slit. She moaned against his lips, practically panting in anticipation as he took his spot at her entrance. She gasped as he thrust inside of her, feeling her tight pussy wrapped around him. He paused, reveling in the intense pleasure as he allowed her to adjust to him. They gazed intently at one another, both back in a place that felt so natural and right and perfect, but that hadn't been visited together in so long.

She whimpered as she looked up at him, grinding her hips against his and practically begging him to fuck her. He grinned down at her as he began to slowly move his hips, groaning at the friction created as her name escaped from his lips. Finally not able to stand the slow pace, he sped up his movements, her heavy breathing and heavily-lidded eyes signs that she was close.

"Don't come yet," he said and her eyes flung open, looking up at him in desperation. He slowed down again, wanting to prolong their time together until he felt himself reach the edge.

"Jax… I can't… I'm gonna come," she panted as he began pounding into her, feeling his eminent release. He felt her walls restrict around him as the spasms of her orgasm shot through her and she screamed his name just before he reached his own climax, emptying himself into her. They stayed like that as their breathing returned to normal and she smiled lazily up at him, running her fingers through his hair.

"I'm so glad you're back," she whispered to him and he felt his face break into a smile. He knew their reconciliation wasn't going to be easy, that there would be hurdles they'd have to overcome, but he felt at that moment that they could get through anything together.

"We left the food sitting on the counter," she said, suddenly remembering.

"That's what microwaves are for, darlin'," he said, nuzzling against her neck.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax lay in bed with Carrie a few days later, his arm wrapped around her, his hand mindlessly running up her arm. He could've stayed like that forever, but he knew their time was limited. He turned his head to glance at the clock on her nightstand and groaned.

"I gotta go," he grumbled, rolling off the bed to get dressed. She propped herself up on her elbow, smiling as she watched him pull his jeans up and throw a t-shirt over his head. He grinned at her as he slid his cut over his shoulders and straightened it out. He slid back on the bed on top of her, kissing her.

"Aren't you gonna be late for church?" she asked him, smiling up at him as he pulled out of the kiss.

"Yes," he said, kissing her again, "Especially if I don't leave right now." She giggled as he kissed her again and she pushed him away.

"Go, I'm already in enough shit with your mother, I don't also need to be the reason you're late," she said. He pursed his lips, shaking his head as they both remembered the death stare she received from Gemma as Jax walked her out of the clubhouse the week before. Apparently, all was not so easily forgiven and forgotten by Mrs. Teller-Morrow.

"Don't you worry about Gemma," he said, finally pulling himself off of her, "You coming by the clubhouse later?" Carrie nodded, pulling the sheets up over her as she sat up in the bed.

"What? Stay away and let the croweaters get a piece of you? Not a chance," she told him. He grinned at her as she clutched the sheets against her.

"You know, there's nothing you're hiding I haven't seen before," he said, leaning against the doorframe. She tilted her head coyly at him as she lowered the sheet to her waist and his smile widened.

"See? Now I have that to think about while I'm stuck in a room with 7 dudes for the next hour," he said, his eyes raking over her as he took in the sight of her. He walked back over to her and kissed her lightly on the lips, "And the only person I want getting a piece of me is you," he added. She smiled at him, nodding, but Jax could see the traces of doubt behind her eyes and knew it wasn't going to be that easy to gain her trust back.

"Okay now you really need to go!" Carrie said, laughing as he finally walked out the door.

"Love you!" she called after him.

"Love you too!" she heard him call back from down the hall. She smiled to herself, getting out of bed to start getting ready for the night ahead.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Jax sat in his appointed seat at the redwood table smoking a cigarette, listening attentively as the club went over old business. After 4 miserable years in Chino, his spirits were higher than he could remember and things were finally looking up for him; he was VP of the mother charter of the Sons of Anarchy and he had Carrie back. But he was still struggling with letting himself be completely happy, knowing how easily things could be taken away from him again, especially when it came to Carrie. At times it seemed like they had been able to pick up right where they left off, as if the past four years apart had never happened. Other times he could sense a change and he knew Carrie was wary about jumping head first back into things.

"New order of business," Clay announced, and everyone at the table was all ears, "Spoke with Judge up in Vancouver last night, and SAMVAN has a proposition for us, a new business opportunity. I said I'd bring it to the table."

"What's the proposition?" Piney asked from the end of the table.

"They've been working with a group that calls themselves the Tritans for a couple years now. They run an extensive meth ring around Canada and the Northeast. Want us to run distribution for them to bring their business all down the west coast. We wouldn't be dealing, just making runs twice a month or so. They've already got the contacts in place; all we'd be is the ponies. SAMTAC was brought in about a year ago and they've almost doubled their income by joining up, and SAMVAN is bringing in more than us from the distribution alone. It's high risk, but high reward," Clay said. The men around the table sat in thoughtful silence for several moments, thinking it over.

"Sounds like a no brainer to me," Tig said, breaking the silence. Jax ashed his cigarette in the ashtray in front of him, thinking about things a lot differently as VP than he had when he was just a patch.

"Sounds too good to be true to me," Jax said warily, "What do we even know about these guys?"

"Tritans president is a longtime friend of Judge. Grew up in the same foster house together. And one of the higher ups in the chain is the brother of SAMVAN's VP," Clay told them, "SAMVAN's been working with the Tritans about 10 years, since before their patch over." Jax frowned, thinking things over.

"I still think we need more information on them. They might be loyal to SAMVAN because of all their personal connections, but they don't have any ties to us. I have all the respect for Judge, but I think we need to feel them out for ourselves before jumping into something like this," he said.

"I agree," Clay said nodding, "We need to send some guys up there to check it out." He looked around the table calculatingly, "Tig, Chibs, Kyle – you'll make the run next week. If you think there's something there, bring a few of them down and they can talk to us themselves," Clay ordered, banging the gavel to signal the end of the meeting.

They all filed out of the chapel and Jax scanned the already crowded clubhouse for Carrie, but he didn't see her so he made his way to the bar and took a seat on one of the stools with Opie while a croweater pulled a beer for him.

"Carrie coming by tonight?" Opie asked and Jax nodded, taking a sip from his beer.

"Yeah, she said she was," he said.

"So things are good with you two?" Opie asked.

"Yeah, things are good," Jax responded, not wanting to voice his concerns to Opie about Carrie's trust issues with him.

"Well as long as you don't fuck another bitch this time you should be good," Opie said, smirking. Jax glared at him as he looked over to see Carrie walk into the clubhouse and head towards the bar.

"And speak of the devil," Opie said. Jax stood from his stool, smiling as his eyes raked over her, taking her all in. She strode up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him hello.

"Hey Opie," Carrie said when she and Jax eventually pulled out of the kiss, remaining wrapped in each other's arms "Donna coming by?" Opie shook his head.

"Nah, she's home with the kids," he told her, "Which means I can't stay too long tonight." Carrie gazed back up at Jax, smiling.

"I'll guess we'll just have to find a way to entertain ourselves without you then," she said as Jax grinned down at her, leaning down to kiss her. Opie chuckled, finishing the rest of his beer as he set the glass back on the bar.

"Alright brother, I'll see you tomorrow," he said, standing. Jax nodded at him as Opie walked off, before turning his attention back to Carrie.

"So how are you going to entertain me, then?" he asked, his grip around her waist tightening. He had begun to realize that whenever she was around, he couldn't manage to keep his hands off of her, and she seemed to be having similar issues. She ran her finger up his arm before tangling her hand in his hair.

"I can think of a few ways," she said teasingly.

"Mmmhmm," Jax murmured, kissing her softly, "So what you're saying is… let's go back to your place?"

"But I haven't even gotten to say hi to anyone," she said with false sincerity.

"Yeah, fuck them," he grumbled, and she laughed as he threw his arm around her shoulder, leading her out of the clubhouse.

SOASOASOASOASOASAOSAOA

Jax padded sleepily into the kitchen the next morning, tugging a t-shirt on over the pajama pants hanging low on his hips, the smell of bacon and eggs leading the way. Carrie looked up from her spot at the stove, grinning as he walked over to her and kissed her good morning.

"Looks good," he said, peering over her shoulder at the sizzling pans, his arms resting around her waist.

"It will be good, so long as we don't have to microwave it this time," she said jokingly and he lifted his arms in surrender.

"I'll be good, I swear," he said as she turned the burners off and grabbed a couple of plates from the cabinet.

"Are you working today?" Carrie asked Jax as they brought their plates to the table in the dining room and started eating. He shook his head.

"Nope, I'm all yours til tomorrow," he said.

"What's tomorrow?" Carrie asked.

"Run to Nevada. Probably be out there until Wednesday," he said. Carrie nodded, biting her lip. She knew better than to ask questions, but she felt like this was the first test in their recently rekindled relationship. Perceptive as always, Jax grasped her hand, squeezing it lightly in his.

"It's only a few days," he reminded her, "You know I love you, right?" She nodded, forcing a smile on her face.

"I love you, too, Jax," she said.

"You gotta talk to me, Carrie," he said, "These runs are a part of my life. A pretty frequent part of my life. You know that."

"I know," she responded, "I'll be fine. I'm just gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too, baby," he said. They were both startled out of their talk by the front door opening.

"Knock Knock!" a voice rang out from the entranceway and Carrie groaned, looking over at Jax and rolling her eyes.

"My mother," she said agitatedly, standing up from the table. Jax followed her lead, looking at her with an amused expression.

"Have you told her?" he asked. She looked over at him with a look that plainly gave him his answer as her mother walked in, the broad smile on her face dropping as she stopped in the entrance to the dining room.

"Jax," she said, her eyes widening as she looked between him and Carrie, both dressed in pajamas.

"Helen," he responded, "It's… good to see you again." Carrie grinned nervously at Jax before turning back to her mom.

"Yes… well… it's certainly surprising to see you again," Helen said, "I didn't think that would be for a while."

"Yeah, they let me out for good behavior," he said, trying to wipe the grin off of his face and causing Carrie to smirk at her mom's horrified expression.

"Carrie, could I speak to you, please?" Helen asked, slightly briskly. Carrie glanced over at Jax who shrugged.

"I'll just… get dressed," he said. Helen's eyes followed him as he walked down the hall to Carrie's bedroom before returning to her daughter's.

"Something you want to tell me?" she asked. Carrie sat back down at the dining room table, motioning for her mom to do the same.

"Jax and I are back together," she said. Helen sighed as she looked across the table at Carrie.

"Carrie, he's an ex-con," she told her pointedly. Carrie pursed her lips in a frown.

"Ohhh right. I forgot. Guess I should go break up with him now," she said sarcastically.

"Look, I know he's your first love, and I know what that feels like, and how hard it is to let something like that go. And I know he's good to you, but honey, he does bad things," Helen said, "He just got out of jail, for heaven's sake."

"And shouldn't that be my problem to deal with?" Carrie retorted, "_I_ know him. _I _know who he is. You've never bothered to look past the cut on his back."

"The cut on his back is all I need to see to know he's not the right one for you," Helen said imploringly.

"I don't know what to tell you, mom," Carrie finally said, knowing in a million years she would never win this argument with her, "I'm in love with him, I always have been. This isn't some puppy love that we're trying to hold onto – this is the real thing. You're just going to have to trust me to know what I'm doing. I'm going to live my life, with Jax, and I'm not going to fight about this with you again." Helen sighed again.

"I do trust you, Carrie," she finally said, "I trust that you're a smart girl, and you'll figure out that you don't have a future with Jax Teller." Jax walked into the dining room just then, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and stood behind Carrie, placing a hand on her shoulder. She grasped his hand in hers, looking back at her mom.

"Was there a reason you came over this morning?" Carrie asked. Helen looked between Jax and Carrie, knowing a lost cause when she saw one, and shook her head.

"No reason, just thought I'd stop by," she said, "But I can see you're busy so I'll see myself out." Carrie nodded, rising from her seat as she watched her mom leave the room and heard the front door shut behind her.

"So what'd you talk about?" Jax asked, wrapping her protectively in his arms. She looked up at him, resting her arms on his shoulders.

"How much I love you," she said, smiling up at him.

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**A/N Thanks to everyone who read/reviewed our last chapter! We really appreciate all of you! Please take a second and let us know what you thought of this chapter; this is when thing's start getting tricky so it'd be great to have your feedback. Thanks! **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N First off I want to apologize to everyone for taking so long to update this! I started back at work and my partner in crime's laptop broke, so this has been a tough month for us both. Anyway, I'm so sorry and we'll definitely try to update a lot more frequently. We can't promise a set schedule, but we're working hard on this story! Hope you like this next chapter! **

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Jax scanned the crowd at Charming High School's football stadium, his eyes finally landing on Carrie. He smirked in amusement as he watched her sitting in the stands, watching the game intensely, before jumping out of her seat with the rest of the crowd, screaming. He made his way up the bleachers and over to where she stood, jumping in delight. She finally noticed him standing next to her and beamed at him.

"You made it!" she said happily, "Well, almost. We just won."

"Good. Sorry I'm late," he said, "Church," he added by way of explanation.

"Yeah, I figured. Let's go down and see Chris. Don't tell him you missed the whole game, okay?" Carrie said, "You know how much it'll mean to him that you showed." Jax nodded, resting his arm lazily around Carrie's shoulder as they made their way down the bleachers and towards the locker room.

"Hey! You made it!" they heard Chris say as he jogged over to them, still in his football uniform.

"You were amazing!" Carrie said, hugging him awkwardly around all the padding of his uniform. He grinned before looking over at Jax.

"Thanks for coming," he said.

"Wouldn't miss it," Jax replied, "You, uh, played a good game." He glanced over at Carrie who grinned, nodding slightly.

"You played a very good game," Carrie said, beaming at him, "Keep it up and you could get that scholarship." Before Chris could respond, a small group of cheerleaders walked past. One of them looked nervously at Chris, smiling shyly at him.

"Good game, Chris!" she said as the other girls burst into a fit of giggles. Chris grinned, puffing out his chest slightly.

"Thanks, Becca," he said.

"Well… see you at school," she said, before walking off, following her giggling friends towards the parking lot. Jax gave him a knowing smirk while Chris tried to maintain his 'cool guy' exterior.

"So a scholarship, huh?" Jax said, reverting back to their conversation. Chris shrugged.

"Doubt it. The last time we had a scout come to one of our games Clinton was president," he responded. Jax nodded.

"So you got any plans for after high school, then?" he asked. Chris looked nervously at him, steadfastly refusing to look at his sister.

"I was thinking…" he said nervously, "I mean, you were about my age when you started prospecting." Jax gazed back at Chris as Carrie's mouth dropped open. She glanced nervously up at Jax before looking back at her brother.

"Chris…" she said warningly, but he ignored her.

"I was just wondering… I mean, I know you were already inside cuz of your dad and everything. But how do you get to be a prospect?" he asked. Jax shrugged.

"You gotta be asked," he replied. Chris nodded.

"Uh huh… and, uh, how do you get asked?" he asked. Jax glanced down at Carrie before looking over at Chris.

"You wanna prospect SAMCRO?" he asked. Chris nodded, struggling to keep his eagerness at bay.

"Yeah, I mean, I thought… yeah, I really do," he responded, struggling with his words.

"Jax!" Carrie hissed. They both ignored her.

"How much do you know about it?" Jax asked. Chris shrugged.

"I mean, I've known you practically my whole life," he reminded Jax, "Watched you guys. It's what I've always wanted." Jax nodded, frowning slightly as he appraised Chris.

"Well, we've gotta go," Carrie said, glaring up at Jax, "Good game, Chris. I'll see you later." Chris frowned as Carrie grabbed Jax's hand, pulling him away. She finally stopped when they got to the parking lot, whirling around to face Jax.

"You can NOT let him prospect," she said. Jax smirked at her.

"Why not?" he asked, a teasing note in his voice as he gripped her hips, pulling her closer to him, "You got a problem with my lifestyle?" She grinned, rolling her eyes at him as he kissed her lightly on the lips.

"You know as well as I do he's not like the rest of you guys. He probably wouldn't even make it through prospecting," she told him. She glanced up at him thoughtfully, "I just wish he'd drop this SAMCRO obsession of his. I thought it'd go away when he got older, but… Did you know he traded in the car our parents got him for a motorcycle?" Jax nodded.

"I'll take care of it," he said. Carrie frowned.

"What are you gonna do?" she asked. Jax shook his head.

"Don't worry about it," he replied, as they walked to Carrie's car. "See you at the house." He told her with a quick kiss, hopping on his bike. He clearly wanted the conversation to end, and hoped to get her home and distracted quickly.

Carrie shook her head, rolling her eyes as he drove away. She knew exactly what he was doing, but she'd let him think he won… for now.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax strolled into Carrie's bedroom, kicking his shoes off and flopping down on the bed to wait for Carrie to make it back to the house. He looked around the room; most of the furniture was the same stuff she had when they had dated the first time, and it made Jax feel more at home. He glanced up at dresser, noticing a pile of paper tied together with a ribbon. He got up and grabbed the stack, flipping through them as best he could without disturbing the bow on top.

Grinning, he realized it was the letters he had sent her while he was in prison. "I threw the ones that called me a heartless bitch away," Carrie said from the doorway, catching him off guard, "I hope you don't mind," She said teasingly, walking up to him and handing him a beer.

"Why'd you keep them?" He asked her. He knew he wasn't exactly Shakespeare and was sure there was nothing that noteworthy in any of them.

"They're my love letters," She said sweetly, leaning into him. He set his beer on the dresser and wrapped his arm around her, kissing her lightly on the forehead.

"I wish you had written me back," he finally said.

Carrie looked at her feet in guilt, before walking over to her nightstand, pulling out a notebook and handing to him. He opened it to the first page, seeing a letter addressed to him. Flipping through the pages, the notebook was full of partially written letters. Some were only a few sentences, some paragraphs, but judging from the lack of a signature and the fact the many seemed to end in the middle of a thought, none were finished. He looked up at her, surprise and anger flashing in his eyes.

"I waited for four years for you to write me back, and you'd had these here the whole time?" he asked. Carrie bit her lip nervously, looking up at him.

"I'm sorry, Jax," she said, "You have no idea how much I regret not reading your letters. Maybe if I'd had, I'd have been able to finish one of these." Jax sighed, walking back to the dresser and taking a much needed sip of his beer. He finally looked back at her.

"Why didn't you finish them?" he asked, his voice coming out in a low growl in his struggle to keep it calm. Carrie shrugged.

"I didn't know how," She admitted, "Only two ways it could've gone – writing you out of my life completely, or forgiving you. I wasn't ready to do either." Jax stared at her for a moment, remembering the fresh start they'd promised each other, and nodded, his anger dissipating. She walked over to him and reached for the notebook as he subconsciously moved it away from her.

"I want to read them," He said.

"Are you sure? Some of them aren't the nicest…." She said, her voice trailing off. He grinned.

"You said so yourself, neither were mine,." He reminded her, "It's in the past. It doesn't matter what you said now. But I want to read them."

"Okay," Carrie relented. He sat on the bed, settling back against the headboard, and started on the first letter. Carrie sighed before curling up next to him, hoping to fall into a peaceful sleep.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie glanced out of the window at the sound of a motorcycle roaring up her driveway the next morning and saw Chris hop off his bike and walk up to her front door. She smiled at him as he walked in.

"Well this is a surprise," she said. He grinned nervously at her.

"Yeah, I came to see Jax. We're, uh, hanging out today," he said, trying to keep his voice nonchalant. Carrie's eyebrows shot up as she gazed back at Chris.

"You're what?" she asked as Jax walked down the hall, grinning at them both.

"Hey Buggy," he said, turning to walk into the kitchen, "You're early." Chris nodded.

"Yeah, it's uh, it's Chris now," he said. Jax looked at him from around the open refrigerator door.

"Right," he said, "Chris." Carrie looked at him in confusion.

"When were you planning on telling me you were spending the day with my brother?" she asked him. Jax shrugged.

"Figured I'd tell you when he showed up here," he said grinning, walking over to her and giving her a kiss on the top of the head.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine. Just going to show him the ropes of SAMCRO," he said. Carrie arched an eyebrow at him.

"He'll be fine," Jax repeated, "Trust me, okay?" he lowered his voice so Chris couldn't overhear, "Listen, by the end of today, he's not gonna have any more thoughts about prospecting." Carrie sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, okay," she said, "Just… don't let him get hurt." She glanced over her shoulder to look at Chris, who was still standing in the foyer.

"You know what he's like around you, he's always trying to show off when you're around," she said. Jax nodded.

"Nothing's gonna happen. But the only way to get him over this idea of his is to show him what it's all about," he said, "Right now he sees girls and parties. He doesn't know what we're really about."

"Jax, _I _don't even know what you're really about," Carrie reminded him. Jax grinned, kissing her lightly.

"You know more than he does," Jax told her before walking back over to Chris and they walked out the front door, leaving Carrie feeling not at all reassured.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Chris pulled in to the Teller-Morrow lot behind Jax, excited and nervous about the day before him. He felt like this was an audition of sorts to see how well he could hang, and he was determined to impress. Ever since he'd met Jax when he was 8 years old, he'd be in awe of his life style. Riding around town with the cut on his back – it demanded respect, and he got it. He'd wanted to be a Son ever since.

His life wasn't going anywhere else. As much as his family kept hoping he'd get a football scholarship, Chris knew it wasn't going to happen. He was okay at the game, but it wasn't like he was going to be the next Joe Montana. He really didn't see college in his future. No one in his family had gone. His mom had opened the day care when he was young and given it to Carrie after she graduated. His dad was the general manager at an Auto factory in Lodi – it wasn't exactly Chris's dream to follow in his footsteps. To him, he only had one option that appealed to him – the motorcycle club.

He hopped off the bike and looked around the lot. He saw several men working on cars in bays and others standing around the lot, some in mechanics garb and others wearing their cut. He followed Jax over to the picnic tables where two patches were standing, one Chris recognized and the other he didn't.

"Opie you know Chris, Carrie's little brother," Jax said. Opie eyed Chris, his eyes traveling up and down him as Chris felt himself gulp.

"Hey man," Opie said. Chris nodded back at him, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Chris, this is Juice, our newest member," Jax said. Juice nodded at Chris, who was only able to stare back while he nervously wondered how crazy a person had to be to get tattoos on their head. He was saved as a door near them flung open and Bobby walked out.

"Any of you guys seen the prospect?" he asked, wincing at the bright sunlight.

"I think he's in one of the bays," Juice said. Bobby looked towards the bays, debating walking all the way over there.

"PROSPECT!" he finally called. Chris looked over to see a lean young man in a prospect cut scramble over towards them, finally stopping in front of Bobby.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Piney clogged the toilet again," Bobby said and the prospect sighed.

"Jesus Christ," he muttered.

"Also my sheets need changing," Bobby said, a grin spreading across his face. The prospect looked at him and sighed, nodding, walking past Bobby and through the door. Chris watched the exchange, a slight twinge of envy for the prospect running through him even if he did have to do menial jobs like unclog toilets and wash Bobby's sheets. If he made it through to the end, he'd be a fully patched member.

"Who's the kid?" Bobby asked, nodding to Chris.

"Carrie's brother, Chris," Jax said.

"No kidding," Bobby said, eyebrows raised, "Last time I saw you you were practically in diapers." Chris laughed nervously, glancing over at Jax.

"So we doin' this?" Opie finally asked. Jax nodded.

"Yeah, let's go," he said, turning to Bobby, "See you around." Chris didn't have the nerve to ask them where they were going, so he just walked back over to his bike and followed them off the lot.

They rode for nearly an hour, Chris relishing in the feel of the open road, feeling like a part of something with Jax, Opie, and Juice flanking him. His bike was his most precious possession – a 1974 Harley Davidson fx he'd found in the classifieds. The guy selling it had needed a decent car for his daughter, so he'd been able to trade the Honda his parents had given him straight up for it. He'd expected his parents to blow their lids, but everything turned out alright. He'd been grounded for less than a month, and they'd allowed him to keep the bike, with an empty promise that he'd pay them back for the car. He'd always been able to get by with a lot more than Carrie had. They seemed to be so focused on keeping her away from Jax, that they hadn't even noticed how much Chris wanted to turn out just like him.

Though, Chris had to admit, he wasn't all too certain who that was. As much time as Carrie had spent with Jax, Chris only ever saw him in passing. There had been no trial to follow when Jax got arrested, and the details had been kept quiet. Chris only knew the charges – gun running – and he didn't know how involved the Sons were in that or what exactly it entailed. He figured it'd been a one-time thing – he couldn't see his sister being so involved with someone that made a lifestyle out of that.

'_I mean… they're mechanics,_' Chris thought to himself as he continued following them. He'd even taken shop every year in high school so he could try and get a job at Teller-Morrow. But the farther outside of Charming they got, the more it slowly dawned on Chris that he knew absolutely nothing about them and hoped to change that by the end of the day.

They finally turned off the main road onto a dirt road that was nearly swallowed by the trees surrounding it. They rode for several miles before stopping near a clearing that was mostly empty except for several targets set off a couple hundred yards out from a small wooden structure. Jax, Juice, and Opie parked their bikes before getting off and Chris followed their lead.

"Gonna do a little target practice," Jax said and Chris nodded, his heart thumping in his chest. He'd never so much as held a gun in his life and he really didn't want to embarrass himself in front of these guys. Jax grabbed a saddlebag off his bike and walked up to the wooden structure set up in the clearing, setting it on the counter. He opened it up, pulling out a hand gun and loading it.

"You ever fired a gun before?" Jax asked. Chris looked around at them all eyeing him. He looked down at the gun in Jax's hand and nodded.

"Yeah, sure," he lied, thinking it couldn't be that hard to figure out. Point and shoot, right? Jax raised his eyebrows and nodded, handing the gun to him.

"It's loaded, so be careful," Jax said as Chris tenderly took the firearm, careful to keep his finger off the trigger and struggling to keep his hand from shaking. He watched as the others all stepped up in a line beside him, holding their own guns up and aiming at the targets set out before them.

Jax took the first shot and Chris winced. The noise was deafening. The only time he'd ever heard gunshots was in movies, and that had never left a ringing in his ear like this did. He nervously raised the gun in his hand, glancing over at Jax to watch how he held it. He imitated him, cupping his other hand around the fist that held the gun and aimed at the target. He took a deep breath, trying to tune out the gun fire surrounding him as he pulled the trigger. His arms flung up as soon as the bullet shot out and he almost dropped the gun, not expecting the rough recoil. He couldn't tell if he'd hit the target from where he stood, but he somehow doubted it. Jax looked over at him and Chris hoped his face wasn't as ghostly white as he thought it was.

"You alright there?" he asked. Chris nodded.

"Fine," he muttered. He broadened his stance before taking his next shot. Prepared this time for the kickback, he held his arms as steady as possible as he once again pulled the trigger. This time, he was able to keep his hands in control and he felt the power of the weapon as he fired again. Grinning, he emptied the clip into the target and they all walked over to see how they'd done.

Chris was pleasantly surprised to find that most of his rounds had at least hit the target. Several were through the white of the paper, but he'd gotten one square in the head and several others through the chest. He grinned, glancing over at Jax.

"How'd you do?" Jax asked. Chris shrugged.

"I did alright," he said. Jax looked over at his target and raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Not bad," Jax said, and Chris had to force his smile from beaming. He could have had no higher praise from anyone else.

"Yeah, it's all well and good until someone gets shot in the back," Opie said as Jax packed up the saddle bag.

"Shot in the back?" Chris repeated, looking around at them.

"Or shoulder," Jax said, grinning.

"Or leg," Juice chimed in.

"You weren't shot in the leg," Opie reminded him.

"Yeah, well, I was stabbed. Hurt just as goddamn much," Juice said.

"You've been… shot?" Chris asked hesitantly. Jax raised his eyebrows, turning to the side and raising his shirt halfway up his body, revealing a circular scar on his side.

"Carrie never told you?" he asked. Chris widened his eyes, staring at the scar until Jax lowered his shirt. Opie grabbed the neckline of his shirt, pulling it over to see a similar scar on his shoulder.

"Holy shit," Chris mumbled. Opie shrugged.

"It happens," he said. Chris couldn't help but disagree entirely with that statement. Getting shot was not something that just 'happened', and if they could refer to it so casually, perhaps the Sons were involved in a whole lot of shit he didn't want to know about.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

They rode back to Charming, a lot faster than their ride up and Chris struggled to keep up with them zooming in and out of traffic. He'd only been riding for less than a year and these guys were experts, but he knew with more practice he'd be on their level in no time. Once they'd reached the Charming city limits, he saw Jax throw his arm out, indicating right, and they all followed him down the road, parking next to him outside a dingy looking bar on the corner of an alleyway. Chris nervously climbed off the bike, looking up at the bar and thinking that the clientele of this place was probably not the nicest of people.

"Gotta take care of something," Jax said, reaching into his saddlebag and grabbing the gun he used. He looked down the street and Chris gulped as Jax shoved the gun in his waist band. He turned to Chris, grabbing him and shoving a second gun down his pants.

"You got my back?" he asked. Chris's eyes widened as he slowly nodded.

"Yeah, man, of course," he said, forcing every ounce of bravado into his voice.

"A'ight, stay out here with Juice as a look out, we'll be right back," Jax said, tapping Opie on the shoulder, who nodded, looking grim. They walked through the front doors, leaving Jax and Chris outside.

"So you think it's gonna work?" Opie asked as they took a seat at the bar and signaled the waitress, who immediately set two beers in front of them. Jax shrugged.

"I don't know," he said, sipping the beer, "I hope so. I'd rather he let it go than tell him it's never gonna happen."

"Why? Why not just tell him?" Opie asked.

"Because the only reason it's never gonna happen is because Carrie doesn't want him to. If it weren't for that, once the kid graduated high school, if he wanted to start hanging around I wouldn't have a problem. Not saying he'd ever actually make it to prospect, but he'd have as much a chance as anyone," Jax tried to explain, "But I don't want that to start something between Carrie and Chris. Chris is the only one in her entire family that doesn't hate me."

"I can't believe you left him out there with a loaded gun," Opie said, "This could turn bad fast." Jax smirked, shaking his head.

"It's not loaded. What do I look like?" he said.

"What do you think he thinks we're doing?" Opie asked him as he took another sip of his beer. Jax shook his head.

"Hopefully kicking somebody's ass," he replied.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Chris stood outside the bar, nervously rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he took frequent glances between the front door and Juice. He still didn't know what to think of Juice, who remained stony faced, looking up and down the street, before glancing back at Chris.

"So your sister is Jax's old lady?" Juice finally asked. Chris nodded.

"Yeah, since she was 16," he said. Juice nodded.

"Yeah, I met her a couple times. I joined when Jax was inside so I don't know her all that well," Juice said.

"So how did it work?" Chris asked, "How did you get to be a prospect?" Juice shrugged.

"I hung around the club for a while until Chibs sponsored me," he explained. Chris nodded, mulling the information over in his head.

"So to prospect you need someone to sponsor you?" Chris asked, knowing Jax would sponsor him in a heartbeat if he could talk Carrie into asking him to. Juice nodded.

"Yeah, but then you gotta make it through a year of prospecting before you get your patch," Juice told him, "And it's a hell year, let me tell you."

"Yeah, but it's all worth it in the end, right?" Chris asked. Juice shrugged.

"If you last," he said, "But you gotta be willing to do whatever they ask whenever they ask. And it's not all unclogging toilets and cleaning sheets."

"Like what?" Chris asked, but Juice just shrugged, shaking his head, and Chris let the question drop. Several minutes later, Jax and Opie ran out of the bar, tousled haired and hurriedly stuffing their guns away.

"Let's go!" Jax yelled and Chris scrambled over to his bike, all too aware of the gun still down the back of his pants and praying it didn't accidentally discharge. Scenarios flew through Chris's mind about what Jax and Opie could have been doing inside that bar, and the longer he thought about it, the more he realized he never wanted to know.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie stepped out of her car as she heard the motorcycles roar up to the TM lot. She watched Chris climb off his bike looking ashen faced and frowned. Chris reached behind him and Carrie's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she watched him hand a gun over to Jax, who took it and placed it in a bag on his bike. Jax looked over at her and grinned, walking up to her. He gave her a quick kiss before realizing she was glaring at him.

"Why did my brother just hand you a _gun_?" she asked.

"Relax, it wasn't loaded," Jax told her quietly and Carrie felt her racing heart begin to slow, "He's all in one piece, I promise."

"Is he still hell bent on trying to prospect?" she asked. Jax shrugged.

"We'll see," Jax said, "I don't know why this has you so freaked out. If you didn't know, I'm the Vice President," he reminded her, tapping the patch on his cut, "If you don't want him to prospect, it's not gonna happen." Carrie sighed.

"I just wish _he_ didn't want to so badly," she said. Jax shrugged again, tilting his head as he pulled her closer to him.

"Anyone ever tell you you worry too damn much?" he asked. She grinned, looking up at him.

"Anyone ever tell you it's all your fault?" she asked playfully.

"All the time, darlin'," he responded before kissing her lightly.

* * *

**A/N I hope you liked this chapter! Please review! Next chapter will be introducing the main story line SOA will be dealing with throughout the story. We'll try and have that one up for you soon! **


	8. Chapter 8

It was a few minutes before church and the clubhouse was packed with people ready for the welcome home party for Tig, Chibs, and Kyle, who had arrived back from Vancouver earlier that afternoon along with several members from SAMVAN. Jax made his way to the booth in the corner where Clay was sitting with Tig and Chibs.

"How was the run?" Jax asked Tig. He narrowed his eyes as he saw Tig visibly shudder, shaking his head while Chibs let out a bark of laughter.

"I didn't like those Tritans, man," Tig said through gritted teeth. Jax raised his eyebrows in surprise. If memory served, Tig had been full of support for the deal before the run. He glanced over at Chibs, who was grinning broadly.

"What's the problem?" he asked. Chibs shook his head, laughing again while Tig glared at him. Feeling like he was missing something he glanced over at Clay, who shrugged, before standing.

"Judge brought down their SAA. I want to introduce you before we go in," he said. Clay nodded and followed him over to where the SAMVAN president, Judge, stood at the bar with two other patches.

Jax had met Judge only once before when he'd come down on a run about a year before Jax's arrest. He was pushing 60, but the man wore his years well. Broad-shouldered and tall, he had a couple inches even on Jax, who towered over most people. He grinned when he saw Jax, the lines around his dark blue eyes crinkling as he held a hand out to him.

"Well if it isn't the prince of Charming," Judge said and Jax shook his head, laughing as he took his outstretched hand in his, "How the hell are ya? Heard you just got out." Jax nodded.

"Doin' alright," he responded. Judge glanced over at the two patches standing beside him.

"I want you to meet our Sergeant at Arms, Ace," he said, introducing him to the blond at his side. Jax shook Ace's hand, noticing at his did so the coldness behind his ice blue eyes. He was young, no more than 5 or 6 years older than Jax, but his first impression of Ace was that he had that killer instinct so important in a good SAA.

"And this over here is Boomer," Judge said, motioning to the heavily bearded patch standing next to Ace. Boomer smiled at him, shaking his hand. He was a large man, especially compared to the lean and well-built Ace he was standing next to.

"I think it's about that time," Clay said, glancing at the clock. He called everyone to the chapel and they filed in, dropping their prepays in the cigar box outside the doors as they did. Once everyone had a seat at the now overly-crowded table, Clay banged the gavel to signal the start of the meeting. Chibs and Kyle gave a report of their run to Vancouver, Tig remaining noticeably quiet the whole time, before Clay turned the floor over to Judge.

"I've been working with the Tritans damn near my whole adult life," Judge began, "Always the same thing – as a distributor, not a dealer. It's been easy money. SAMTAC joined up about 5 years ago, doing the same thing, and now the Tritans want to move into California. A few of em'll be coming down in a few days to finalize the opening of their front. Got a place up in the downtown area of Sacramento."

"What's the front?" Clay asked.

"Strip club," Judge responded.

"We understand the deal," Jax said, looking down the table at Judge, "What concerns us most is how much we can trust these guys." Judge nodded.

"I understand that," Judge replied, "I've known Rob longer than I've known you, Clay. We grew up like brothers. I'd trust that guy with my life. Matter of fact, I have. Several times. We have very strong connections with them. Our VP's brother is also pretty high up the chain with the Tritans. These guys are as trustworthy as you can get, and like I said, it's easy money." Jax nodded, looking around the table. He wasn't completely convinced, knowing that when a deal seemed good to be true it most often was, but he saw dollar signs flashing in several of his brothers' eyes and knew they weren't going to give in that easy.

"They'd also have a presence close by, willing to step in if you had any problems you needed any help with," Boomer spoke up, sensing Jax's hesitancy.

"We're not worried about having allies," Clay responded, "We can take care of ourselves – we just care about the business. The meth market around here is already pretty saturated. We can handle Darby if we need to, but I don't want to start an unnecessary war with him." Judge nodded.

"Well don't make any decisions just yet. Like I said, Rob and a few of the others'll be down in a few days for the grand opening of their club, called the Dollhouse," Judge said. Jax looked over at Tig, who's eyes had gone wide, and then at Chibs, who was struggling to contain a grin.

"Why don't you guys come out to the opening, have a sit down with the Tritans at the Dollhouse. See what you think, then you can make your decision," Judge said.

"I'm not going to that fuckin' place," Tig spat.

"What are you talkin about, shit head?" Clay asked, "Of course you're going. We're all going. We'll put off the decision until then." He banged the gavel, signaling the end of the meeting, and they all filed out. Jax caught up with Chibs at the bar.

"What's Tig's issue?" he asked. Chibs laughed, shaking his head.

"It's the strip club," he said, "They had one like it up in Vancouver. One of those theme places. All the girls dress up like different dolls. You know he's got that weird thing about dolls. I've never seen a man that horny and that terrified before in my life." Jax laughed, taking the beer offered to him by the croweater behind the bar, before looking over at Tig, who was looking much paler than usual.

Clay caught Jax's eye from where he stood near the chapel, nodding his head and motioning for him to follow him inside. Jax set his beer on the bar and walked into the chapel, feeling Judge's gaze on him as he closed the doors behind him.

"I wanted to hear your initial thoughts on this before the meeting next week," Clay said, taking his seat at the table.

"My first thought," Jax started, sitting down next to him, "is that it's a little too good to be true. But I thought I'd save my final decision for the meeting so I can get a read on these guys." Clay nodded in agreement.

"My second thought," Jax continued, "Is one you brought up at church – Darby. We all know meth is his game. So far he's kept his end of the bargain about keeping it out of Charming – if we start messing with his business, that deal's gonna go out the window. That's a huge pile of shit we'd be leading right to SAMCRO's doorstep." Clay nodded, his eyes still trained on Jax.

"My last thought is that we don't need the deal. We're doing good with the guns. And we got the protection runs for Unser for that extra cash. We start getting greedy, wanting to get our hands in every piece of the pile – that's more risk of more eyes on us that we don't need," Jax finished.

"Startin' to sound like a VP already," Clay said as he nodded in agreement, "I want to hear what these Tritans have to say, but I'm inclined to agree with you – it's not a deal we need right now and it'd put the club at unnecessary risk, especially with starting shit with the Nords."

Outside the chapel doors, the music pulsated through the clubhouse as the party got underway. Judge felt his prepay buzz in his pocket and pulled it out, glancing down at the caller ID. He made his way outside at the back of the clubhouse before flipping it open and pressing it to his ear.

"How'd it go?" Rob's voice came through the ear piece, gruff and quiet.

"They've agreed to the meeting next week," Judge responded.

"And how does it look like that meeting's gonna go?" Rob asked impatiently.

"A lot of them seem to like the idea," Judge said.

"But?" Rob prompted, filling in the word that hung on the end of Judge's statement.

"They've got a new VP, Jax Teller. He's got a lot of influence on the club and he's not sold on the idea," Judge explained, "Doesn't seem like Clay's all the way there, either. Without at least one or the other, there's not a chance in hell of this deal going through." Rob sighed and Judge could picture him pinching the bridge of his nose, deep in thought.

Judge hadn't been lying when he'd told the club he and Rob had grown up like brothers. Placed in the same group home when they were both kids, Rob had been the quintessential older brother figure to Judge during their school years – always looking out for him, standing up for him. As they grew up, their interests became less and less common, but Rob always remained there for him.

Neither of them finished high school, but took to their separate ways, remaining close through the distance. Judge sought the one thing he had never had and always wanted – a family. He started working for an auto shop in Vancouver that was home to a local motorcycle club. Judge eventually patched in, finally earning himself the family he never had. Years down the road, Judge worked himself up to president of the club that would one day patch over to the Sons of Anarchy.

Rob had other aspirations: money and power. He had started dealing in high school – small time stuff at first: pills and a little weed – until he met up with a chemistry major from the University of Vancouver who built a meth lab in his bathroom. Rob started dealing his product and grew the Tritans from those humble beginnings, eventually making a deal with Judge and SAMVAN to distribute for them.

Though their paths had separated, Judge never forgot how much he owed to Rob. Apart from all the times Rob had saved his ass during situations that could have meant the end for him, it was because of Rob that he'd been able to join an MC in the first place. He'd had no money for a bike and Rob had stepped in, fronting him the cash he needed to get a bike.

"Well then I need you to make sure they change their minds," Rob told him.

"Yeah," Judge replied, "I'll do what I can."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie drained the pot of macaroni before stepping around the corner to peer into the living room. Ellie and Kenny were still right where she had left them – on the couch watching cartoons. She hurriedly mixed the cheese in with the pasta and set two bowls on the counter.

"Guys, dinner," she called. Ellie and Kenny glanced up before running over to the table, sitting down and taking huge mouthfuls of the macaroni and cheese. Carrie laughed as she watched them eat hurriedly.

"Good?" she asked after they'd both nearly finished. They both nodded, their cheeks bulging with pasta, as the door opened and Donna walked in, looking harried and upset.

"Mommy!" Kenny yelled, leaping up from the table and running over to her, quickly followed by Ellie. Donna kneeled down to give each of them a hug.

"Hey," Carrie said, frowning at her friend as she walked into the kitchen, "What's the matter?" Donna looked down at the kids, shaking her head, but Carrie could see the misery etched on her face.

"Hey guys, why don't you go outside and play?" Carrie suggested to the kids. They both nodded before running to the backdoor and into the backyard, slamming the door shut behind them. Carrie took a seat at the table as Donna did the same, her eyes beginning to well up.

"It's nothing, really," Donna mumbled, "Just my prick of a boss." Carrie nodded sympathetically. Donna had complained about her boss to Carrie several times, and from the stories she'd heard, Carrie knew the guy was a real piece of work on a power trip. He was constantly screaming at her and belittling her in front of coworkers and customers, threatening her with her job, and always finding some reason to keep her at the store well past her shift.

"Well you know there's always a job at the day care if you ever need it," Carrie told her. Donna gave her a small smile.

"Thanks, but it's okay. I can manage," Donna replied. Carrie knew it was always hard for Donna to accept anything that remotely resembled a handout, and even though that's not how Carrie saw her offer, she knew Donna would take it as such.

"What does Opie think about it?" Carrie asked.

"Opie doesn't think anything about it because he doesn't know, and I don't want him to know," Donna said, "You haven't said anything to Jax about anything I've told you before, have you?" Carrie shook her head.

"No, of course not," she said, "But I think you should tell Opie." Donna shook her head.

"No way," she replied, "You know how he gets." Carrie shrugged, disagreeing with Donna keeping her problems a secret from her husband but realizing it wasn't her place to get in the middle.

Shaking her head and obviously wanting to change the subject, Donna said, "So how are things working out with you and Jax?" Carrie smiled, unable to keep the blush she felt creeping up away.

"We're good," she said, "Sometimes I feel like we've been able to pick up right where we left off. Or, I guess, right before we left off." Donna smiled smugly back at her and Carrie could feel the 'I told you so' bursting out of her. Then her smile faltered and she looked hard across the table at Carrie.

"Sometimes?" Donna asked. Carrie shrugged, sighing. There were things she hadn't even completely admitted to herself that she knew were bothering her, but thus far she'd been able to ignore them.

"We have our issues, you know, like everyone else," she finally said.

"Which are?" Donna prompted. Carrie sighed, looking uncomfortable.

"Those four years that Jax and I were together, I was happier than I'd ever been in my life. It always felt like together, we were invincible. We could do anything. I trusted him with every fiber of my being, and I'm pretty sure I was the first person outside of the club that he trusted that much," Carrie tried to explain.

"And it's different now?" Donna guessed. Carrie nodded.

"I'm still getting over Jax cheating," she admitted. Donna raised her eyebrows, waiting for Carrie to continue, "I love him, Donna, I really do. More than anything. It's like… I know we're meant to be together. But I don't have that trust in him that I used to. That total knowledge that he would never hurt me – it's gone." Donna nodded, looking thoughtfully at her.

"You'll get it back," she said, "He'll prove it to you."

"Maybe," Carrie said, "Most of the time, it's not on my mind. I really have forgiven him. It's the forgetting part I'm having trouble with. Every so often, when he goes on a run or he's not home when he said he'd be, my mind immediately assumes the worst." She paused before adding quietly, "And I don't think he completely trusts me again, either." Donna looked at her quizzically.

"I abandoned him," Carrie said, sighing, "I think he's always worried that the second anything goes south, I'll bail on him again."

"Do you think you would?" Donna asked her quietly. Carrie shook her head firmly.

"No," she responded, "Definitely not."

"You sure about that? If he got arrested again, you'd stick around?" Donna asked. Carrie stared back at her, mulling over the question before responding.

"The four years that he was in jail and we weren't together were torture for me. I've never been more miserable. I hoped that I'd be able to move on, find somebody else, but the more I dated, the more I realized there is nobody else. So no matter what happens, I'm in this with him. I'm not going anywhere; I couldn't. I know what life is like without him and it sucks," Carrie said. Donna nodded.

"Have you told him that?" Donna asked. Carrie shrugged.

"We've discussed it," she said, "But it'll have to come to me proving it to him, I guess. We've forgiven each other, promised to move forward, but I think we both knew it wouldn't be as easy as that."

"Well these things are never _easy_," Donna reminded her, "But like you said, you love him, and I _know_ how much he loves you. You'll get past this." Carrie nodded in agreement, smiling back at Donna.

"Yeah, we will," she said.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax's motorcycle pulled to a stop at Carrie's daycare, he and Carrie hopping off while some of the boys on the playground stared before making motorcycle noises and racing around the yard. Jax followed Carrie onto the playground, walking over to Neeta to say hello. Neeta smiled at the two, giving Carrie a knowing look and raising her eyebrows slightly.

"What?" Carrie asked her, putting a hand on her hips. "Do you have a story about Jax and a fox and the moon that somehow has something to do with him taking me to lunch?"

Neeta shook her head, chuckling. "Honey, you already know all the stories I got about the way that boy's looking at you. You're the only one I've ever seen him give that look to." Carrie smiled, feeling herself begin to blush as Jax looked at her, then back at Neeta, wearing a confused expression.

"You been telling stories about me, Neeta?" Jax asked.

Neeta grinned at the blonde biker before looking at Carrie. "I _do_ have a story about when Jax had diaper rash so bad he refused to keep one on, and he ran out of the house naked as a jay bird…" Neeta began.

Carrie burst out into laughter, while Jax's mouth dropped open in shock, before running his hand through his hair in embarrassment. "You're fired." Jax muttered, glaring at Neeta.

"Oh no," Carrie corrected. "Not only is she not fired, I will give her a raise if she finishes that story," Carrie tempted her.

Neeta shook her head, laughing under her breath. "Do I look like a stupid sister?" She asked Carrie. Jax gave Carrie a smug look until Neeta continued, "I'll tell you after he leaves."

* * *

**A/N Please review! Let us know what you think! We can't tell you how much we appreciate all of you that have been reading and reviewing! **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N – so some of you probably noticed I tried to upload this chapter yesterday, but fanfiction decided it didn't want any of y'all to read it lol so hopefully it works this time! **

**Also anyone else excited about the premiere of Season 5 on Tuesday?! I'm spending my weekend having a Season 4 marathon **

**Anyways, here's chapter 9, I hope you like it! **

Jax sat on the picnic table at the clubhouse finishing up a smoke while he waited for everyone to get ready for their meet with the Tritans. The whole thing wasn't sitting right with him. He glanced up as Bobby walked outside, taking a seat next to Jax at the table.

"You look like you're thinkin what I'm thinkin," Bobby said. Jax turned his head to look over at Bobby, nodding his head slightly before he turned to look out at the parking lot.

"I don't like it, Bobby," he said, "It doesn't feel right." Bobby nodded in agreement.

"Sons have never gotten into drugs. Boys have it in their heads that there's a difference between muling and dealing, but in my eyes, in is in. There ain't no difference," Bobby said. They sat in silence for several moments, each contemplating the meet and what the next move would be.

"You think it'll pass?" Jax finally asked. Bobby shrugged.

"Nobody's sold on it," he said, "Personally, I think this meeting's a waste of time." Jax nodded, leaning back on the picnic table.

"Guess we'll see," he said as the rest of the club began filing out of the clubhouse.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

The parking lot of the Dollhouse was packed. Jax could hear the music thumping from inside as he walked towards the entrance of the club, flanked on all sides by his brothers. An enormous "GRAND OPENING" sign hung tight over the front doors where two strippers stood on either side, welcoming them in. One was dressed as raggedy Ann, her red hair clasped in pigtails, wearing a tiny blue dress that barely covered her ass and thigh high red and white stockings. The other girl was dressed as Barbie in a skin tight pink dress, her straight blond hair hanging halfway down her back.

The girls smiled flirtatiously at them as they walked through the doors and into the dark club. A large oval shaped bar was set up in the middle of the club, the sides of which were lit up in blue neon lights. Plush couches set up around tables lined the walls and several small stages had been inserted along each wall, a single pole gracing each one. The stages seemed to be made of glass and were also lit with the same blue neon light as the bar.

At the far end of the club, an enormous stage had been erected, donning the familiar blue lights. Three poles stood atop in, two set further back than the one on the middle. Men lined the front of the stage, tossing dollar bills at a girl Jax assumed had once been dressed as some kind of doll but now swung around the pole on the stage completely nude. Jax watched her dance appreciatively for several moments as she gracefully climbed to the top of the pole, wrapping her legs around it before turning upside down in some of the better acrobatics Jax had seen in a strip club.

Before long, they were greeted by Judge, Ace, and Boomer who led them up some stairs to the right of the club that opened into a large VIP room. A small bar was built into the far wall and the same plush couches from downstairs lined the walls in this room. Several large chairs had also been set around small tables in the center. To the right was a small stage similar to the ones downstairs and the four men already seated in the VIP room were currently being entertained by a girl dancing around the pole.

The Sons made their way into the room and the four men stood to great them. One of them, whom Jax assumed was Rob, the Tritans president, led the way, smiling broadly at all of them. He wasn't at all like Jax pictured him. He was shorter than Jax, no more than 5'9, with short dark hair, a well trimmed goatee, and a face built more for Hollywood than for the leader of a meth ring. But he could tell immediately that Rob had that charismatic and cutthroat personality that clearly got him to where he was today.

Judge made the introductions and after Rob had shaken hands with them all he snapped his fingers and another girl materialized from out of nowhere, her hair tightly curled and wearing an incredibly short dress, the skirt of which was pushed up by several layers of tulle, ending in white thigh high stockings.

"Porcelain, get these men a drink, please," Rob said to the waitress, smiling at her. She nodded, walking over to the bar to pull them each a beer. Jax glanced over at Tig, who was staring after the girl with wide eyes.

"How you doin' brother?" Jax asked, an amused smirk on his face.

"Terrified," Tig replied, his eyes never leaving the girl, "But oddly aroused." Jax laughed, shaking his head at his brother.

"You know they're not real dolls," Jax reminded him. Tig shook his head.

"It's the memories, man," he said with a shudder.

"Where's Tommy?" Judged asked Rob as they all found a seat around the long couches in the back, set up to face each other.

"He's up in Washington, taking care of some issues with our distribution up there, but he'll be in the area in a few days if you're still around," Rob responded. Judge nodded as Rob glanced around the table, smiling down at them all.

"I know you've all been filled in on the gist of the deal we're bringing to you," Rob started as Porcelain passed the drinks around. Rob dismissed her and she nodded, leaving the room, "I'm here to give you the details on what we'd expect. We're trying to get our product down the west coast. We'd need someone to ride back and forth from Tacoma to Sacramento and occasionally down to SoCal twice a month. We'll let you know pick up and drop off points approximately one hour before and it will always change. The amount varies, but you'll usually be carrying around 5 kilos at a time, which amounts to about $100,000 of product. Your cut would be 10%."

"That's a hell of a lot of meth," Jax said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, "We've got other shit to look out for; we don't need to get on DEA's radar, too." Rob nodded, looking appraisingly at Jax.

"We've been running on our current scale for 5 years now, ever since we brought in your brothers at SAMTAC. We've got a system down that is as random as it is carefully calculated. Long story short – we've had no arrests, no suspicions. In 5 years, SAMTAC has earned over a million dollars distributing with us and isn't so much as a suspect with the DEA. Drop offs are made with complete anonymity and far away from your home turf, so if there's a leak or one of our dealers gets picked up and decides to squeal, he'll have no idea who to turn in. Product is packed to be carefully concealed. We take every precaution, and we're not stupid," Rob explained.

"We don't want any of this shit in Charming," Clay said, "And that might be a problem for us if we get into this deal. We've got a racist piss ant named Darby, leads a group called the Nords, and he's got control of the meth market in our area. We got a deal going with him right now – he keeps his shit out of Charming, and he doesn't get shit from us, but if he hears we're working on bringing meth in to his area, that deal is gonna get voided real fast." Rob nodded, glancing at the Tritans on either side of him before looking back at Clay.

"Yeah, we've heard of this guy. Done some cursory intel and from what we've gathered he's a real asshole," Rob said, "We can help you out with that. Kill two birds – help you get rid of Darby and then you'll be able to guarantee where your product is going, make sure it stays out of Charming."

"Darby's a cockroach," Clay responded, "He doesn't just go away." Rob smiled across at Clay.

"I'm sure we could figure something out," he responded.

"Alright well we got a lot to think about," Clay responded, giving nothing away with his expression as he looked squarely at Rob, "We'll go over the information together, vote on it, and let you know." Rob nodded, his smile now not quite reaching his eyes, and shook hands with Jax and Clay.

"Let me know as soon as you've decided on anything. We've got several other options in the area but of course wanted to bring it to you first, seeing as you're friends with Judge," Rob said. Clay nodded, not quite buying what Rob was trying to sell, and they made their way downstairs and out of the club.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

It was after midnight by the time Opie got home. Donna was waiting up for him in the living room and he smiled at her as she stood from the couch and greeted him with a kiss.

"Did you eat?" she asked, "I saved some meatloaf for you if you're hungry." Opie nodded gratefully at her and she walked into the kitchen to heat the food up. He sat at the table, going over the events of the night in his mind while he waited.

"Everything okay?" Donna asked as she set the plate in front of him. He shrugged as he started eating.

"We've got this new…. business deal in the works," Opie told her, "It seems like a great thing but I don't know… I've just got a bad feeling about it." Donna nodded.

"Well if you think it's a bad idea it's probably a bad idea," she responded, "Trust your instincts." Opie nodded, smiling across the table at his wife.

"Yeah," he responded, "Yeah, you're right."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax pulled up to Carrie's house, not surprised to see the light in the living room still on. His mind was full of all the new information, as well as the bad feeling he couldn't quite shake after meeting with the Tritans. He walked in and smiled at Carrie, who was curled up on the couch reading a book. She looked up when he walked in, smiling back at him.

"You're home late," she commented, the statement not quite masking the accusation in the words. Jax nodded.

"Yeah, sorry – the meeting ran over," he said, sighing as he collapsed on the couch next to her, pulling her close against him.

"Everything okay?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Yeah, fine," he said curtly. The last thing he wanted was for Carrie to know about this new prospect. He already knew she was uncomfortable with the guns; if she found out they were thinking about getting involved with drugs he didn't know what she'd do, and it wasn't a risk he wanted to take.

She sat up, frowning at his tone of voice as she looked at him. "What happened?" she asked. Jax shook his head.

"Nothing," he responded. She pursed her lips and then nodded.

"Okay," she said, deciding not to push him any further, "I'm going to bed – you coming?" Jax nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be in in a minute," he said. She kissed him lightly on the lips before turning to head down the hall.

"Don't be too long," she called and he grinned, the weight on his chest feeling slightly lighter as he stood to follow her to the bedroom.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie stepped into the diner a few days later and glanced around, spotting Donna in a booth in the corner. She walked over to her and took the seat across from her, smiling at her.

"Hey," Donna greeted. The waitress stepped over as if on cue, jotting down their orders on a notepad before walking away and leaving the two to catch up.

"Things any better with your boss?" Carrie asked. Donna shrugged.

"Same old, same old," she said.

"Isn't there some human resources number you can report him to?" Carrie asked. Donna shook her head.

"Last person that reported him ended up getting fired the next day," she told her. Carrie raised her eyebrows.

"For what?" she asked.

"Lying on her time card," Donna replied.

"But… don't you clock in?" Carried asked. Donna nodded.

"Yeah," she said shortly, "It was total bullshit, but there was nothing she could do, and I can't afford to get fired. It's not like the jobs are just stacking up in Charming, but our bills sure are." Carrie shrugged as the waitress set their food down in front of them.

"You can always come work with me," Carrie reminded her. Donna smiled at her, nodding.

"Thanks, but I can manage," she replied, as Carrie knew she would. The nagging feeling Carrie had been feeling off and on over the past couple of days suddenly returned with a vengeance. She knew she wanted to talk to Donna about it, but wasn't quite sure how to broach the topic.

"How's Opie been lately?" she asked tentatively. Donna shrugged.

"Fine. Why?" she asked curiously. Carrie chewed on the end of a french fry before tossing it back on her plate, finally deciding to lay all her cards on the table.

"Well, it's just Jax has been really short with me lately. He's obviously got something on his mind, but he won't talk to me about it. I don't know if it's me, or…" Carrie's voice trailed off, unsure how to end the sentence.

"Oh don't worry, I'm sure it's not you," Donna told her encouragingly, "Opie's been a miserable prick ever since that meeting they had about their new business venture, trying to figure out what he thinks and what he wants the club to do. I'm sure it's ten times harder on Jax, being VP and all."

"What new business venture?" Carrie asked, her eyes narrowing. Donna shrugged, her face looking slightly guilty.

"I don't really know the details," she said as Carrie frowned, "I'm sorry, Care- I thought he would've told you." Carrie shook her head.

"He hasn't told me anything," she responded, pushing her plate away from her as her appetite suddenly disappeared.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie sat on the couch next to Jax that night, her mind only half focused on the TV show they were watching, the rest of it wondering about what Donna had told her at the diner. She finally glanced up at Jax and grabbed the remote, flicking the TV off. He raised his eyebrows, turning his head to look over at her.

"Something on your mind?" he asked.

"Why didn't you tell about this new… business venture?" Carrie blurted. Jax scowled at her, his eyes narrowing.

"What new business venture?" he asked carefully.

"I don't know, the one you met about last week," Carrie said. Jax frowned, turning away from Carrie to look back at the blank TV.

"Because it doesn't concern you," he replied.

"Of course it concerns me," Carrie replied earnestly, trying to keep her emotions in check, "We're a couple – everything you do concerns me. We were together for four years." Jax rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, and then we were broken up for four years," he replied.

"Yeah, because you cheated on me and then went to jail!" Carrie cried, regretting the words the second they left her mouth. Her eyes widened as she waited for his reaction. He stared at her for a moment before jumping up from the couch, his fists clenched at his side and his mouth set in an angry thin line.

"Oh, are we going there now?" Jax finally asked. Carrie stood as well, her arms crossed defensively across her chest.

"Maybe we should," she said, "We've been walking on eggshells around each other, both of us trying not to upset the other and we never really hashed any of it out." Jax sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I can't do this right now," he finally said. Carrie sighed.

"When would be a good time to do this?" she asked angrily. Jax shook his head, heading towards the door.

"I'm gonna go to the clubhouse," he mumbled, his hand on the door knob.

"Yeah, because that worked out so well the last time," Carrie retorted, feeling the tears brimming her eyes. Jax paused, turning around to look at her.

"What do you want me to say?" Jax asked, "I'm sorry, it's not gonna happen again. I've said everything I can possibly say already."

"I want to why you did it. And I want to know why with _her,"_ Carrie responded. Jax let out a mirthless chuckle, rolling his eyes to the ceiling before looking back at her.

"I did it because I was fucking terrified and I needed you and all you could do was fucking scream at me," Jax said.

"So you just go out and fuck someone you know I can't stand?" Carrie asked.

"I didn't know who she was!" Jax bellowed, "I had no idea who she was until you said her name the next day. I didn't exactly keep up with all your old high school friends and I wasn't really in the mood for getting names that night." Carrie looked back at him, the sorrow she'd felt ever since walking in on him and Lily etched across her face.

"So you didn't pick her just to piss me off even more?" Carrie asked. Jax shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing.

"No! Is that what you thi- I picked her because she was available," Jax said, "And I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I wished it had never happened, and I promise I'll never do anything like that to you again. But what gets me is that you won't even admit you did anything wrong." Carrie stood there, staring back at him, before she slowly walked across the room to him. As much as she hated this conversation, she was glad they were finally having it.

"I didn't know how to be there for you, Jax," she said, looking up at him, "And I'm so sorry for that. I was 20 years old, and I had no idea about the stuff you were into. One second I'm in this amazing relationship with this guy I love more than anything in this world, and the next he's going to jail for smuggling guns. I was completely blind-sided. And I still don't know anything about what you do. And I don't want to be blind-sided again by you going to jail or ending up dead in a ditch somewhere when I have no idea what you're up to."

"You don't need to know," Jax told her firmly. She looked up at him, her eyes searching his imploringly.

"Obviously I do," she said, "Not everything, but… I need to know something. I can never be what you need me to be without a little more information. Otherwise… otherwise this is going to end the same way it did last time – with me not knowing how to be there for you." He sighed, looking back at her, his eyes filled with fear. It was a rare look for him and it scared Carrie probably more than anything else could.

"You need to trust me," she said, "We need to be able to trust each other." He turned his head to the ceiling, running his hands nervously through his hair before looking back at her.

"I'm scared to tell you anything," he admitted to her. She stared at him in surprise, allowing his words several moments to sink in.

"Why?" she finally asked.

"I don't want you to leave me again," he said, the words painful as they left his lips, "I thought… if you knew we were still running guns you'd break it off. It's terrified me ever since we got back together."

"Jax," she whispered, her hand running the length of his face as he looked sadly back at her, "If that was going to be a deal breaker, I'd never have gotten back together with you. I'm not stupid, I knew you were probably still doing it. But I should've heard it from you; I shouldn't have to figure things out for myself because the things going through my mind are probably worse than what's actually going on. I'm worried and scared for you all of the time." Jax stared back at her, the mixed emotions of shock and relief flooding through him.

"You know?" he finally asked.

"Well I didn't _know _know. But yeah, I figured," Carrie replied, "You were arrested for running guns, and I didn't think the Sons suddenly found Jesus and opened a church somewhere to make money. It's not that I like it, but I know who you are and that you're not going to change, and I love you. All of you. My problem is that I don't know when you're off breaking the law and when you're off just actually hanging out with your brothers. I'm already having a hard time trusting you again, and you lying to me about what you're doing and where you're going isn't helping." Jax nodded, pulling her into him and kissing her hard.

"You can trust me," he whispered against her lips after pulling away, resting his forehead against hers, "I won't lie to you."

"So…" she said slowly. He looked at her expectantly, "This new deal…" Jax sighed, chuckling as he shook his head and led her back to the couch.

"I can tell it's upsetting you," Carrie prodded as she turned on the couch to look at him. He ran his hand over his face and through his hair, nodding as he looked back at her.

"Yeah," he replied, "I don't like it. I don't really have a solid reason not to like it, except that I know next to nothing about these guys. We met them once and, I don't know… I didn't like them." Carrie nodded, listening attentively, happy that he was finally beginning to open up to her.

"You've always had a good gut, Jax," she said, "Go with it." He smiled, turning back to her and nodding. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her to him as he stretched out on the couch. He kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"Thanks," he whispered.

**A/N – I hope you liked this latest chapter! Please please please (yes that's actual begging) review, let us know what you think! **


	10. Chapter 10

"Donna! You're late!" Mr. Pinyon, Donna's boss bellowed across the drugstore as Donna slipped into the backroom to clock back in from her lunch break.

"By one minute… and you kept me 5 minutes after I was supposed to go on break," She grumbled under her breath, slipping her smock back on and hurrying out to the sales floor.

"Sorry Mr. Pinyon," She said, as he handed her a diagram of the empty merchandise wall in front of him.

"Try to make it look presentable," He told her, giving her no further instructions before stalking away, his eyes darting through the store as he looked for anyone who dared to slack off while he was there.

"Aye aye captain." Donna muttered, studying the diagram. She immediately noticed that there was no way all the products he had slated to be on the wall would fit. She looked behind her to try to catch her boss's attention to clarify, but changed her mind when she saw him giving the cashier a tongue lashing. He was obviously in a bad mood, and wasn't going to be any help even if she asked him. She sighed, making the decision to follow the diagram and find a way to squeeze everything on the wall.

SOASOASOA

Opie parked his bike in Pinyon's Drugstore parking lot, sauntering in and scanning the small store for Donna. He'd decided to drop by and surprise her before heading back to the shop. He furrowed his brow when he spotted her standing with a short, portly man with a receding hairline who appeared to be angry with her. When Opie got closer he heard the man hissing at Donna lowly.

"I don't care what the planogram said, it looks like shit! You must be fucking stupid if you think that looks right!"

"I was just following your instructions," he heard Donna respond.

"My instructions were to make it look presentable!" the man yelled back, "Does this look FUCKING presentable to you?"

Opie had heard enough and grabbed the man's shoulder, whipping him around and leaning down into his face. "No one talks to my wife like that, asshole," he growled.

"Listen buddy, no one tells me how to talk to my employees," Mr. Pinyon said haughtily, shrugging himself out of Opie's grip, though he swallowed hard upon seeing his cut. Opie shoved Mr. Pinyon into the wall Donna had just set, sending merchandise flying.

"OPIE!" Donna screamed, pulling at Opie's arm, urging him towards the door. Opie shrugged out of Donna's grip, his finger in Mr. Pinyon's face.

"I ever see you near her again, you're dead," he growled, slamming his hand on the display next to Pinyon's head for emphasis. Mr. Pinyon jumped in fright as Opie grabbed Donna's hand and dragged her out the front door.

"You're fired!" Pinyon yelled after them.

"Like I'd ever let her come back," Opie muttered under his breath, throwing the glass front door open.

"Opie, how could you do that?!" Donna asked him running her hand through her hair agitatedly and leaning against her car.

"I'm not going to let some asshole treat you like that!" Opie told her, not sure why Donna was angry with him when she should be angry at the little piss ant in the store.

"I don't need you to fight my battles, Opie! I can handle a jerk boss," Donna told him.

"Obviously you do. How long has he been treating you like that?" Opie asked her. Donna sighed, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Since I got hired here," she finally admitted.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Opie pushed.

"Because I knew this would happen! Do you think I like dealing with that jerk? I did it because we needed the money Opie!" she said desperately.

"I can take care of our family," Opie responded angrily.

"The money you make is so inconsistent we can't depend on it. We need a steady income," Donna told him.

"We can manage," Opie insisted. Donna sighed. She realized she'd bruised Opie's ego unintentionally, and all they were accomplishing by arguing in the parking lot was drawing a crowd of onlookers.

"We'll talk at home, okay?" She asked him calmly, knowing she was now going to have to take Carrie up on her offer to work at the day care.

Opie, still fuming inside, nodded. "I gotta go to the clubhouse for a while. I'll be home later."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Opie stalked into the clubhouse, still angry that his wife thought she had to put up with that asshole. He thought about the new deal with the Tritans. If that went through, they'd be set. There'd be no more questions about whether or not he'd be able to provide. He walked straight up to the bar, grabbed a beer and looked around at the half empty clubhouse. Tig was sitting on the couch, getting a massage from three different croweaters, a blissful look stretched across his face. Opie sat in one of the chairs next to him and Tig opened one eye, looking over at Opie.

"What do you think of this new deal?" Opie asked, sitting back in the chair. Tig shrugged, closing his eyes again and enjoying the rub down.

"That Dollhouse place freaks me out," he said, "But the money would be nice." Opie nodded, taking a pull off his beer.

"Yeah, it would," he agreed. The new deal would give him more than Donna earned from the job at the drugstore and more than enough for them to get ahead. As much as he disagreed with the Sons getting into drugs, he couldn't deny that the idea was really starting to appeal to him.

He glanced up as Jax walked in and took a seat next to Opie, looking tired but with a smile on his face. His smile faded as he looked at Opie's expression.

"Everything alright, brother?" he asked. Opie nodded.

"Fine," he replied. Before Jax could reply, he heard his mother's voice ringing out, calling his name from across the room. He glanced up to see her standing in the doorway and stood, making his way over to her. She kissed him in greeting, smiling up at him.

"I want you to come over for dinner tonight," she said, "I'm making a roast." Jax shook his head apologetically.

"I got plans with Carrie tonight," he responded. Gemma pursed her lips, giving a small shrug of her shoulders.

"She's invited," she responded reluctantly. Jax shook his head.

"We're having dinner with her parents tonight," he said. He looked over her shoulder, his eyes lighting up as he saw Carrie walk through the door and he left Gemma's side without so much as a backward glance to walk over to Carrie. Gemma looked calculatingly between the two of them as Jax wrapped her in his arms, smiling and kissing her lightly.

"He is so screwed," she muttered to herself as she watched the girl smile up at him, her fingers curling into the back of his t-shirt. Gemma had already seen how this ended, and it had been ugly. She wasn't looking forward to the sequel.

"Give me a minute," Jax said to Carrie, kissing her again and reluctantly disentangling himself from her, "I just gotta finish up a few things and then I'll be ready to go." Carrie nodded, her eyes following him appreciatively as he walked out the door before she made her way further into the clubhouse.

"Hey… Gemma," she said, seeing her standing there. She and the Queen had had very little interaction since her and Jax's reconciliation and Carrie had a feeling Gemma wasn't too pleased that they were back together.

"Hi Carrie," Gemma replied, giving her a small smile, "Hear Jax is having dinner with your folks tonight."

"That's the plan," Carrie said.

"Hmmm," Gemma said. She gave Carrie one last look before starting to turn around. Carrie sighed, taking a step closer to Gemma.

"Gemma, if you've got something to say to me…. Just say it," Carrie said, her annoyance apparent in her voice. Gemma turned back around, her hands on her hips.

"You should be careful what you ask for," she said. Carrie crossed her arms across her chest.

"We never had any problems before," Carrie reminded her, "Are we going to have them now?" Gemma looked appraisingly at her before she responded.

"Oh we had problems before," Gemma told her quietly, "You just weren't around to bear witness." Carrie knew she was talking about after the break up, and she didn't like thinking about that. Every time she thought about the pain she'd caused, her heart broke a little more for Jax. But she also knew it was none of Gemma's goddamn business.

"What happened between me and Jax is between me and Jax," she said, "Stay out of it. It doesn't concern you."

"You have no idea how wrong you are," Gemma said, "I don't like you, Carrie, and I sure as hell don't trust you." Carrie shrugged.

"Well glad we got that out there. Luckily for me, I don't give a shit if you like me or trust me," Carrie said, "All I care about is _my_ man. You're his mother and he loves you. But he loves me too, and you're gonna have to live with that." Gemma pursed her lips, frowning. The old Carrie, the one who had run at the first sign of trouble, would never have spoken to her like that. She would never have confronted her in the first place. Gemma chose to take this as a good sign, a step in the right direction. But she was going to have to do a lot more to prove that she could handle a second turn.

"Okay," Gemma said, her eyes still narrowed thoughtfully.

"Glad we worked that out," Carrie muttered, relief flooding her when Jax reappeared, wrapping his arms around her.

"Ready to go?" he asked. Carrie nodded, taking one last look at Gemma.

"Definitely," she replied.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Helen Sullivan gazed across the room with watchful eyes as her daughter slid her hand into the man's standing next to her, their fingers lacing together as she looked up at him adoringly. She had done everything in her power to keep the two of them apart when Carrie had been in high school, and was overly relieved when it seemed Carrie had finally come to her senses and dumped him. It had been four wonderful years where it seemed like Carrie had finally moved on from her bad boy fetish until that day she had walked into Carrie's kitchen to see Jax standing there and Helen finally had to realize that Jax wasn't some phase Carrie would grow out of. That, for reasons beyond Helen's comprehension, her daughter loved him.

Didn't mean she had to like it, but she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if Carrie was forced to choose between Jax and her family, she wouldn't like the decision. So Helen took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face, welcoming them inside and leading them to the dining room where dinner was awaiting.

"So Jax," Helen said as she passed the bread basket around, struggling in her mind for something to say to make pleasant conversation. Jax looked over at her expectantly, "Um… how was prison?" Chris snorted in laughter, the water he'd just taken a sip of spitting back in his glass. Her husband took a mouthful of potatoes, staring down at the plate and Carrie jerked her head up to look at her with wide eyes, but Jax just looked amused.

"Mom," Carrie said warningly. Helen shrugged, looking over at Jax.

"It was awful," Jax finally responded, glancing over at Carrie and resting his hand on her knee below the table, rubbing it gently with his fingertips. He knew it was important to her for this dinner to go as smoothly as possible, and it wouldn't be him that ruined it. He glanced back up at Helen, looking her dead in the eyes.

"I never want to be away from Carrie like that again," he said, tearing his eyes away from Helen's to look down at Carrie, who smiled up at him.

"Yes, well, if you don't break the law, you won't go to jail," Helen said simply. Carrie rolled her eyes.

"I think we're all aware how the system works, mom," she said.

"Well, I'm just saying… you never had to worry about that nice man from the bank getting sent to jail," Helen said briskly. Carried sighed as she felt Jax's grip on her knee momentarily tighten and she looked apologetically up at him. She didn't like it being brought up that she'd been seeing other people while Jax had been locked up writing her weekly letters. Jax looked away from her, his lips pursing angrily.

"Yeah, well, the nice man from the bank wasn't right for me," she mumbled, knowing her mother was starting to get worked up.

"Why? Carrie? Why wasn't he right for you?" Helen pleaded, as if begging Carrie to suddenly realize she didn't love Jax and that it was a banker she really wanted. Carrie glanced at her father, who was still firmly staring at his food.

"Drop it, mom," Carrie said, pushing her plate away from her, her appetite gone.

"I'm just trying to understand this, Carrie," Helen said.

"Helen, drop it," her father finally said, his silverware clanging to the table. Helen sat back, glaring at George.

"I can't just _drop it_, George," Helen said, "How is it not as hard for you as it is for me to see our daughter throwing her whole life away?" Carrie finally stood up, shoving her chair back as she did so. She placed her hands on the table leaning over to look at her mother.

"You want to know how I knew he wasn't right for me?" Carrie asked, her voice low and angry, "Besides the fact that I knew I could never love him? Besides the fact that I knew I'd always love Jax?" Helen looked at her daughter, as if frightened of the response she was about to receive. Jax took the scene in. He usually wouldn't allow her to defend him like this, but damn he'd be lying if he said it wasn't turning him on.

"I knew when he couldn't fuck me right," Carrie spat. Jax smirked at both Carrie's words and her mother's reaction. Helen's eyes widened like saucers as she looked back and forth between them, as if a thing such as sex had never been discussed in her presence before. Carrie took a moment to stare her down before stalking away from the table and out the front door, slamming it shut behind her. Jax shrugged before standing up and following Carrie outside, where he found her pacing the porch. He grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lit one, watching her pace. She finally stopped and walked up to him, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry about her," she said, sighing. Jax shrugged, pulling her closer to him and wrapping his arms around her. She leaned her head against his chest, wondering, not for the first time that day, why people on the outside thought they knew more about their relationship than they did.

"Can't expect her to be overjoyed that we're back together," he said.

"I can at least expect her to be civil," she responded. She glanced up as the door opened and George and Chris walked out.

"Go talk to your mother," George said wearily, taking a seat on one of the chairs on the porch. Carrie looked hesitatingly at Jax.

"Go," Jax said. Carrie nodded and walked inside as Jax took a seat next to George, taking a drag of his cigarette. Jax grinned as he watched George slip a beer to Chris from a cooler sitting next to him.

"Don't tell your mother," he said and Chris nodded, popping the tab and taking a sip. They all sat in silence for a while, Jax unable to get the conversation between Carrie and Helen out of his head, until George interrupted his thoughts.

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Jax," George said, taking a sip of his own beer, "I wasn't too happy to hear you and Carrie had gotten back together." Jax nodded, leaning back in the chair.

"She's a sweet girl, got a good head on her shoulders, 'cept when it comes to you," he continued, "I never woulda picked you for her." Jax nodded again. These were things he already knew and neither statement really warranted a response.

"But I know she loves you," George said, "I watched her walk around like a zombie these last four years. Her mother ignored it, pretended nothing was wrong, but she talks a hell of a lot more than she observes and I know my daughter. I know when she's miserable and I know when she's happy." Jax raised his eyebrows, the conversation heading in an unexpected direction, as he looked at George, "I know you're not the kind of man who wants or needs my approval, Jax. But I wanted you to know. You make her happy, so as long as that continues and you don't drag her down into any of your shit, me and you don't have a problem."

Jax nodded, choosing his response carefully. He ran a hand through his long hair before finally looking back at George.

"You're right," Jax began, "I don't need your approval. But Carrie does, even if she wouldn't admit it, so it means a lot." He held out his hand to George, who shook it firmly in his.

"And I want you to know," Jax continued, "That I love Carrie. I would do anything she asked. And I would die protecting her." George looked at him before giving him a small nod. He knew enough about the Sons to know that Jax wasn't being dramatic. Knew those words to be true. And that scared him more than anything else.

"Well I like you, Jax," Chris spoke up, "I think you're great for Carrie." Jax grinned over at him, nodding.

"Yeah, thanks, Buggy," he said, "Unfortunately, your sister doesn't give a shit what you think." Chris chuckled, taking another sip of his beer.

"Yeah, that's probably true," he said laughing. Jax looked up as Carrie stepped out of the front door, closing it behind her. She looked at him, giving him a small smile that clearly read 'please get me the hell out of here.' He stood, more than happy to oblige, as Carrie leaned down to hug her father and brother goodbye before turning back to Jax.

"Alright, let's go," she said, wrapping her arm around his waist as they walked to his bike parked in the driveway.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie's head was spinning, her dark red hair splayed wildly around her on the bed, arching her back as Jax nibbled lightly on her nipple. He hadn't been able to get Carrie's words to her mother out of his head, nor the reminder that she'd been dating other guys while he'd been locked up. He was in the mood to pound something tonight, and if it couldn't be that guy's face, it was gonna to be her pussy.

She gasped in surprise, her head jerking up to look down at him as he slipped a finger, then two, into her, rubbing his thumb firmly across her clit as he pumped his fingers. She writhed in pleasure underneath him, her hands gripping his shoulders. She stopped breathing and he knew she was close. He withdrew his hand and quickly slammed his length into her, causing her to cry out, as he worked his frustrations out on her pussy. She wrapped one leg around his thigh, the other around his waist as she gripped his ass, wanting to do feel him deeper. And he was going to give her what she wanted.

Bracing himself above her, not wanting to miss a moment of emotion on her face, wanting there to not be a shadow of a doubt that he _did _know how to fuck her right, he gripped her leg, propping it on his shoulder as he pounded into her. She gazed up at him, her lips parted as she panted and moaned beneath him. Her pants and moans quickly turned to screams of pleasure as he thumbed her clit, feeling her already tight pussy spasm around him in wave after wave before he felt himself still and allowed himself to have his own release.

He collapsed on top of her, both breathing heavy as he kissed her, brushing her hair off of her face. He rolled over, pulling her close to him as he gazed up at the ceiling. She watched him thoughtfully, her fingers trailing lazily against his chest.

"Something on your mind?" she finally asked. He looked down at her, giving her a small smile and shaking his head.

"Nothin' that would be good pillow talk, darlin'," he responded, kissing the top of her head before turning to stare back up at the ceiling.

"Jax, talk to me," she pleaded.

"Tomorrow," he said firmly, closing his eyes. Carrie knew better than to argue, so satisfied herself with curling into him, his arm wrapping tightly around her, as they fell asleep.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax awoke to the sunlight streaming through the blinds and reached his arm over for Carrie, finding her side of the bed empty. He opened his eyes and looked around until the smell of bacon reached his nostrils and he grinned, hauling himself out of bed and jumping in the shower.

He ran a towel through his hair before pulling boxers on and making his way into the kitchen to see Carrie standing at the stove wearing nothing but his tshirt, dropping a few pieces of bacon into a pan. He leaned against the doorframe, taking in the sight of her, before she noticed he was standing there.

"Morning," she said, leaning against the counter.

"Morning," he said, walking into the kitchen and pressing up against her, kissing her firmly. She smiled up at him.

"You gonna tell me what was bothering you last night?" she asked. He smirked at her.

"You ever drop anything?" he asked. She shrugged.

"You're just like your ma, you know that?" he asked.

"Scary thought," she said, raising her eyebrows in amusement as he nodded. He sighed, kissing her again as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Jax rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

"I hate that you were with other guys," he finally said, hoping she understood that he wasn't mad at _her_ as that would get into a whole discussion about his raging hypocrisy, but that the thought of other men being where only he had been tore him up. Carrie bit her lip, holding his head lovingly in her hands.

"I know," she said softly, and he knew by the look in her eyes that she understood.

"I was your first," he continued, "I should've been your only." Carried nodded, smiling sadly at him.

"I know," she repeated. He kissed her again, "But I'm all yours from now on." He grinned.

"I know," he said.

"And you're all mine from now on," she stated, digging her fingers through his hair. He kissed her lightly and nodded.

"I know," he said.

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**A/N - Sorry for the late update! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review! **


	11. Chapter 11

The black SUV drove smoothly through the streets of Sacramento, the surrounding areas becoming seedier as it moved along until it pulled into the nearly empty parking lot of the Dollhouse. A well -dressed young man stepped out of the back seat as soon as the SUV was parked and made his was silently to the front door, leaving his driver to wait in the car. The sun shone heavily upon him, the only time of day when his short brown hair appeared blond, until the darkness of the club enveloped him as the door closed behind him.

He ran a hand subconsciously over the five o'clock shadow growing across his face, his weary blue eyes scanning the club. He hadn't seen it yet, but it looked good. He smiled as he looked around the empty bar before making his way upstairs where he knew they'd be waiting.

"Tommy!" Rob said in his welcoming voice, ushering his second in command into the VIP room, and immediately snapping his fingers at the lone waitress, who rushed to bring him a drink. Tommy took it, barely giving the girl a second look as he sat across from Rob.

"I trust the drive up went well," Rob said, settling into his seat. Tommy shrugged.

"Uneventful," he responded.

"Operations down south going smoothly?" Rob asked. Tommy nodded.

"Should be up and running in a few weeks," he said. Rob nodded, looking pleased, as Tommy leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Tell me about the meeting," Tommy said. Rob stared back at him, his pleasant expression darkening.

"We haven't gotten an answer yet," Rob said, "But it's not looking good." Tommy nodded, taking a sip of his drink and leaning back in his chair, resting an Italian leather shoe over the opposite knee.

"We need this deal, Rob," Tommy said, "SAMCRO doesn't get on board, we don't have a chance in hell at recruiting the other charters." Rob looked stonily across at him.

"I'm aware, _son,_" he responded, trying to remind him who was actually in charge.

"So what's their hesitation?" Tommy asked, not acknowledging Rob's agitation.

"From what I hear from Judge, it seems like they're not sure it's worth risking a war with the Nords," Rob explained. Tommy nodded in understanding. He, too, had seen the intel on the Nords and had expected them to be a problem.

"Apparently they have a deal with the Nords and things are peaceful at the moment. Clay's worried about our deal having blowback on Charming," Rob continued. Tommy nodded, his eyes thoughtful. He took another sip of his drink.

"So let's break up the peace," Tommy finally responded, "Make the Nords a problem the Sons wouldn't mind starting a war over. Kill two birds. Get rid of Darby's competition and get SAMCRO on board." Rob looked shrewdly at Tommy before giving him a small nod.

"Darby's been dealing out of a park in Lodi. Get some Tritans to go score from him, let it slip SAMCRO's getting into the business soon," Rob said, "I have a feeling the ducks'll start lining up after that." Tommy nodded, finishing his drink and setting the glass on the coffee table. Both men stood and shook hands as Tommy made his way back downstairs, taking his phone out of the breast pocket of his blazer as he walked and began putting the calls in.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

"Have I mentioned how much more quickly the day goes by with you here?" Carrie asked, taking a seat in the lobby next to her new receptionist. Donna glanced up and grinned, nodding.

"Once or twice," she said. The phone rang and Donna answered it quickly, taking down the information of a parent who would be late picking their child up. She replaced the phone in the cradle and looked over at Carrie.

"Thanks for giving me this job," Donna said and Carrie grinned.

"Are you kidding? I've been practically begging you to come work here for months," she reminded her. Donna laughed.

"Yeah, I guess Opie going all Tyler Durden on my boss's ass turned out to be a good thing," she said, giggling as she jerked her head around to make sure no small children were listening to her swear. Carrie laughed, nodding as she glanced up at the sound of two motorcycles pulling into the lot, a sound that had recently started bringing butterflies to her stomach and a smile to her face again. Donna glanced over at her and rolled her eyes, but couldn't conceal the grin she was struggling to contain.

Less than a minute later, Opie and Jax sauntered into the day care, both leaning over the counter Carrie and Donna were sitting behind to give their respective girl a kiss.

"What are you doing here?" Carrie asked.

"Bustin' you outta the joint, darlin'," Jax said, grinning as he leaned against the counter. Carrie laughed, sitting back in her chair.

"We can't leave, Jax," Carrie reminded him, "We, unlike you, actually have day jobs – you know, responsibilities?" she added, teasing. His grin broadened.

"Hey I got a day job," Jax responded, glancing at Opie, "Just thought we'd treat our ladies to lunch at Charming's most exclusive restaurant." Carrie glanced at Donna who laughed, looking back at her.

"You mean the diner on 5th?" Donna asked, laughing as Jax and Opie both nodded their heads. She turned to look at Carrie, grinning.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Donna asked. Carrie nodded, laughing at the memory. These boys never changed.

_Carrie sat turned around in her chair, going back and forth between staring at the clock on the wall at the back of the classroom and the hangman game she was playing against Donna, hoping to pass the time of their detention. She and Donna had been spending a lot more time together in this room since Carrie had started dating Jax, fueling her mother's fire on what a 'bad influence' Jax was on her. _

_Carrie glanced behind her to see the detention monitor sitting in his chair, his feet propped up on the desk in front of him, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but there. Carrie knew the feeling. She was startled by the sound of a rock hitting the window next to her and looked over to see Jax and Opie below, boyish grins spread across their faces. Donna looked up and spotted them as well, shaking her head and giggling. _

_Carrie stood up and opened the window a crack, barely noticing the detention monitor nearly falling out of his chair. _

"_What are you doing here?" she called down to them, gaining the attention of the ten or so other students in the classroom trying to miserably pass the time. _

"_Bustin' you outta the joint, darlin'," Jax called back. _

"_Excuse me, close that window!" the detention monitor yelled, but Carrie ignored him. _

"_We can't just leave, Jax. We've still got an hour left," Carrie said back. _

"_C'mon," Jax said, his adorable grin almost enough for Carrie to jump out of the window right there, "I swear I'll make it worth your while." Carrie laughed, looking at Donna, who shrugged. _

"_I said close that window!" The detention monitor had finally gotten out of his seat and walked over to the window, about to slam it shut when he saw who they were talking to. _

"_Oh lord," the detention monitor muttered. Clearly, Jax and Opie's reputation preceded them at Charming High School. _

"_Hey, we'll give you two free oil changes if you let them leave!" Jax called up. Carrie laughed. She loved when Jax was in a playful mood like this. _

"_C'mon man, you don't want to be there anymore than they do," Opie pointed out. By now the entire class was watching the exchange with interest. _

"_We'd consider it a personal favor," Jax continued. The monitor turned to Carrie and Donna before glancing at the rest of the class. He checked his watch, sighing. _

"_I'm going to take a bathroom break," he said pointedly, turning around and walking out of the door. As soon as the door closed behind him, the whole class cheered, thanking the girls as everyone rushed out of the room. Donna and Carrie smiled as they walked outside, jumping into the guy's arms and kissing them. _

"_You two are crazy, you know that?" Carrie asked. _

"_Only about you, darlin'," Jax responded grinning. Carrie laughed, shaking her head. _

"_Don't start using those corny lines on me now, Teller," she said and Jax laughed, kissing her once more before setting her down on the ground. He slung his arm around her as he and Opie led the girls to their bikes and handed them each a helmet. _

"_So where we going?" Carrie asked. Jax shrugged. _

"_Anywhere," he responded and she smiled at him, knowing he had just summed up their relationship in one word. That's how she always felt around Jax – as if the possibilities were endless, all of them exciting. _

Carrie looked across the counter at the same man, now 7 years older than the 19 year old who had gotten her out of detention, but he still wore the same boyish grin he had on that day, and chuckled, shaking her head.

"You're a bad influence, Teller," she said, standing up and grabbing her purse.

"Tell me something I don't know," he said as she and Donna walked around the counter.

"Let me grab Neeta to watch the front," Carrie said, giving Jax a quick kiss before running back to Neeta's classroom. She stuck her head in the door to see Neeta working on lesson plans while her aid, Stephanie, read to the class.

"Hey Neeta, I'm taking lunch. Need you to watch the phones for me," she said. Neeta glanced up, checking her watch.

"A little early for you," she commented. Carrie grinned.

"Well, something came up," she said.

"Mmmhmm," Neeta responded, "Tell Jax I say hi." Carrie laughed, nodding her head.

"Will do," she said, "Thanks, Neeta."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Clay walked into the Hairy Dog flanked by Tig and Bobby, squinting as he slipped his sunglasses off his face and looked around the dark room. Spotting his meeting in the back corner he strode towards them, slipping into the booth, Tig and Bobby sitting in the booth behind them.

"So what's this all about, Darby?" Clay asked. Darby took a sip of the beer in front of him, setting it back down on the table and crossing his arms on the table.

"Rumors," Darby said simply.

"Rumors?" Clay repeated, his annoyance level rising. He did not like taking time out of his day to deal with a cockroach like Darby.

"Care to enlighten?" Bobby asked from his seat behind Clay. Darby flicked his eyes up to look at Bobby before returning them to Clay, his face expressionless.

"Word around the water cooler is Sons are getting into the meth trade," Darby said quietly. It was only through years of practice that Clay managed to hide his surprise.

"Didn't your mama teach you not to listen to gossip?" Clay asked.

"Cut the shit, Clay," Darby said angrily, "We've had a deal for a long time with SAMCRO and I've held my end. Made sure my boys don't deal in Charming. But if you step on my business, that deal will become null and void."

"I'm gonna give you one second to remember who you're talking to," Clay said angrily, his finger in Darby's face, "And for you to remember that it is nobody's business what SAMCRO does… or doesn't do." The two men stared at each other for several moments before Darby gave him a small nod.

"Nords don't want problems with SAMCRO," Darby said, "That's why we've stuck to our bargain. But we're not going to let you mess with _our_ business."

"Well I'm not askin' your permission," Clay responded. Darby sat back in his seat.

"So the rumors are true," he said. Clay shrugged, standing up, motioning for Tig and Bobby to follow.

"We're gonna have problems if they are!" Darby shouted after them, standing up from his seat in the booth. Clay turned around.

"Don't go and do anything stupid now, Darby," he said before leading Tig and Bobby out of the bar. He threw his leg over his bike, snapping his helmet on before turning to Tig and Bobby.

"Looks like someone's got a leak," Clay said.

"We know it ain't SAMCRO, brother," Bobby told him, "We haven't even voted on this deal yet and it's already causing us problems." Clay nodded in agreement, looking over at Tig.

"But the money, man," Tig moaned, "Think about the money."

"That's all I think about, shit face," Clay said gruffly, revving his bike up.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie leaned against Jax, winking across the diner table at Donna as they sat and listened to the boys recant a story from when they were kids. Jax slung his arm absentmindedly around Carrie's shoulder as he continued with the story, laughing and tossing a straw wrapper at Opie who shook his head, tossing it back at him. She loved seeing Jax so happy. He deserved it, after everything he'd dealt with for the past four years. Donna's cell phone rang and she glanced down to check the caller ID.

"I've got to take this," she said, as Opie slid out of the booth to allow Donna to get out and take the call in private.

"I gotta take a piss," Jax said, kissing Carrie on the side of the head before sliding out of the booth.

"You're a class act, Teller," Carrie called after him, laughing, before turning back to Opie, who was smiling at her.

"What?" she asked. Opie shook his head.

"Nothin'," he said. He paused before continuing, "I wanted to, you know, thank you for giving Donna that job at the day care," he said, looking slightly uncomfortable. Carrie nodded.

"Of course, Ope. I've been asking her for months to come work with me," she said. Opie nodded.

"Well she's been a lot happier since she started working there, especially with being able to see the kids during the day," he said, "She feels like she needs to work, won't listen to me, so I'm glad she found a job that she likes." Carrie smiled at him.

"Me too," she responded. Opie looked across the table at her for a second before nodding to Jax's empty seat.

"Him, too," he said, "I haven't seen him this happy… ever, actually. I'm glad you came back to him." Carrie gave him a small smile.

"Oh it was inevitable," she said, glancing up to see Jax walking back to the table, "What's meant to be will be." Jax slid into his seat, kissing Carrie on the cheek.

"What's meant to be?" he asked.

"Us," she told him. He grinned, kissing her again.

"Got that right," he said gruffly. Donna came back to the table and slid into the booth, shoving her phone back in her purse.

"Everything alright?" Opie asked.

"Yeah, it was just a friend from Pinyon's, asking me about what happened," Donna explained. Opie nodded as the waitress came by for the bill.

"It's on me, brother," Jax said, snatching the bill out of Opie's hand as he scowled. Jax grabbed his wallet, giving the waitress several bills before Opie could argue.

"Oh, Opie, I forgot to tell you," Donna spoke up, distracting Opie, "My parents want to take the kids during their fall break." Opie grinned.

"So I get you all to myself?" he asked, leaning in to kiss her. Carrie smiled, watching them, hoping that she and Jax would still look at each other like that after being together for so long.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! We really hope you liked this chapter! Please please review! **


	12. Chapter 12

Carrie leaned over the counter in her bathroom, carefully applying the finishing touches to her mascara before giving herself a once over in the mirror. She ran a hand through her hair, the red curls hanging lightly around her face and well past her shoulders, until she was finally satisfied with her appearance and walked into her bedroom to find her heels. As she was sliding them on, she heard the front door open and close and checked the clock on the wall.

"Donna!?" she called, "I'm in my room!" Instead of the clack of heels she expected to hear walking down the hall, she heard familiar gentle thuds until Chris stuck his head inside her door.

"Not Donna," Carrie said, smiling at her brother.

"Chris," he responded, pointing at himself. Carrie grabbed her purse from the nightstand and followed Chris down the hall into the living room. She grabbed a pair of earrings off the kitchen counter and slid them in while she looked over at her brother.

"So what's up?" she asked. He shrugged, glancing over at her.

"You look nice," he said. Carrie glanced down at the red halter dress she was wearing, smoothing down the front and picking a piece of imaginary lint off of it, "Where are you off to?"

"Party at the clubhouse," Carrie told him, "And before you even ask, no you cannot come."

"Come on, Care," Chris pleaded, leaning over the kitchen counter and staring at her, "Please." Carrie shook her head, images from past parties at the clubhouse swarming her mind.

"No way," she said, "Mom would kill me. These are not high school parties, Chris."

"Oh please," he grumbled, but was cut off from further negotiating as Donna walked through the door, smiling at them both.

"Ready to go?" she asked, "I've only got the sitter until like midnight. Maybe one." Carrie nodded, taking one last look at Chris.

"Don't look at me like that," Carrie told him.

"You and Donna were going to these parties when you were younger than me," Chris reminded her, "And since when do you give a shit what mom thinks?" Carrie sighed, glancing over at Donna, who shrugged.

"Oh, let him come," she said, "What's the worst that can happen?" Carrie had a whole lot of 'worst that can happens' running through her head as she took another look at her brother who was nodding in agreement.

"Fine," Carrie said as Chris thrust a victorious fist in the air, "But there are rules." Chris frowned but nodded.

"First, no touching the skanks," she said. Chris raised an eyebrow, "You don't know where they've been, and unfortunately I do, and it's not pretty."

"Fine, no skank touching," he agreed.

"Second, no shots," she said, "I don't want to be responsible for my brother puking his guts up all over the clubhouse. I'm already on Gemma's shit list."

"Fine," Chris agreed again.

"Third, you gotta leave when Donna does. Jax is bringing me back on his bike and you're not driving there if you're gonna be drinking," Carrie continued.

"Fine," Chris said exasperatedly. Carrie sighed, taking one last regretful look at him before shrugging.

"Okay, let's go," she said. They all filed out to Donna's car, pulling into the lot of the clubhouse several minutes later to find it already overcrowded with croweaters and hang-arounds.

"So… no touching _any_ of the skanks?" Chris asked, looking around the lot like a kid in a candy store with a five dollar bill.

"No," Carrie and Donna both chorused and Chris rolled his eyes as he followed the girls into the clubhouse.

"Guess the guys are still in church," Donna said, glancing at the closed chapel doors. Carrie nodded, walking around the bar to pull beers for all of them while they waited. She looked over at Chris, who was staring at the mug shot wall with something like reverence. Carrie shook her head, already regretting her decision to bring him along as she watched him tear his eyes away from the wall and look around the room.

"She looks familiar," Chris said, pointing at where Gemma stood across the room with Luann.

"Yeah, that's Gemma, Jax's mom. I don't think you've met her before," Carrie said, "Consider yourself lucky," she added. Chris shook his head.

"No, I know who Gemma is," Chris said, "The other one, she looks familiar." Carrie turned back to look at Luann, shaking her head.

"No, I _know _you haven't met her before," Carrie said. Chris shook his head.

"No, I definitely know her from somewhere," Chris insisted. Carrie shrugged absent mindedly until it suddenly dawned on her where Chris might recognize Luann from. She looked over at her brother, a disgusted look on her face.

"Gross," Carrie muttered, shaking her head before turning back to the bar. Chris looked at his sister, confused.

"She used to do porn," Donna explained, filling in the blanks for Chris, whose face filled with dawning comprehension and not the slightest hint of shame.

"Oh yeah," he said, grinning and nodding. Carrie groaned.

"Gross," she repeated. Chris just shrugged, grinning as he stared across the room at Luann. Carrie was about to tell him to stop staring, but dismissed it as the chapel doors opened and the Sons filed out. There was a chorus of cheers from the croweaters as one of them turned the music up and a prospect quickly scrambled to take his post behind the bar.

Carrie's eyes shot immediately to Jax's, who was walking towards them with Opie, and she subconsciously bit her bottom lip as she watched him walk over to her, a flirty grin spreading across his face. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him as he kissed her in greeting. She suddenly felt light headed and couldn't remember what had been bothering her before, until Jax glanced over at Chris.

"Buggy!" he said, shaking his hand, "So Carrie finally let you come out, huh?" Chris nodded, grinning at his idol who glanced back at Carrie, laughing at her disapproving look. Carrie couldn't help but laugh with him as she rolled her eyes.

"So did you guys get some new patches?" Carrie asked, changing the subject as she noticed a few unfamiliar Sons exiting the Chapel. Jax glanced over at them and shook his head.

"Nah, they're from SAMVAN," he said, "Our Vancouver charter," he continued when Carrie still looked confused, "They're visiting for a couple of weeks." She nodded as Jax turned to the prospect behind the bar.

"Hey Diz, pull me a beer," he ordered as the prospect practically fell over himself to complete the request. Jax took the beer from him and leaned back against the counter, reaching for Carrie's hand and pulling her into him. She didn't miss the fact that Chris scurried off as soon as she was distracted, but at the moment she forgot she cared.

"I'm glad you came tonight," he said. Carrie nodded, smiling up at him.

"Me too," she responded, kissing him lightly on the lips. Jax ran his hands through her hair, brushing it back from her face.

"You boys throw quite a party," Carrie heard someone say. She turned around to see the SAMVAN guys walking towards the bar. Jax grinned back at them, nodding.

"We try," he said, "Carrie, this is Judge, Boomer, and Ace." Carrie smiled back at them, slightly taken aback by Ace's cold eyes, but the others seemed nice enough.

"It's nice to meet you, Carrie," Judge said, holding his hand out, "We've all been curious about Jax's new Old Lady." Carrie smiled at them, trying to focus more on Judge and Boomer. She couldn't deny that Ace was an attractive guy, but something about him gave her the creeps.

"We're gonna need to borrow your Old Man for a minute," Judge continued. He glanced over at Opie as well, nodding his head to a table. Jax kissed Carrie lightly, giving her an apologetic look before he and Opie followed Judge, Boomer, and Ace.

"Shots?" Donna suggested as Carrie watched Jax walk away. Carrie looked back at Donna, grinning and nodding.

"Dizzy!" Donna called to the prospect. He glanced up, walking over to them, "Get us a couple shots of tequila. Whatever you got." Dizzy nodded, quickly pouring the liquor and handing the shot glasses over to them. Carrie and Donna clinked their glasses before taking the shot, grimacing as they felt the liquid burn its way down to their bellies.

"One more!" Carrie called, slamming the glass back on the counter as Dizzy filled them up again. They took the second shot and Donna shook her head as she set the glass back on the counter.

"God I don't know how Piney lives off that stuff," she said, shaking her head as she chugged what was left of her beer in an effort to chase the taste of the tequila away. Carrie nodded in agreement and glanced up to see Gemma walking purposefully in her direction.

"Incoming," Carrie muttered and Donna glanced up, giving Carrie a small smile and shaking her head.

"Carrie, I'm so glad you made it!" Gemma said, pulling Carrie into a hug. Carrie reluctantly patted Gemma on the back before pulling away, looking warily at her.

"Yeah, good to see you, too, Gemma," Carrie said hesitantly, but Gemma just smiled at her. She glanced over at Donna and smiled.

"Donna," she said in greeting as Donna raised her hand in a small wave, "How are the kids?"

"They're fine, Gemma," Donna replied.

"Glad to hear it," Gemma said before turning her attention back to Carrie, "Well we're having a family dinner next Sunday night. I wanted to tell you before you made… other plans. You and Opie should be there, too, Donna. Bring the kids." Donna nodded, glancing over at Carrie and shrugging.

"We'll be there, Gemma," Carrie told her and Gemma beamed at her, patting her on the cheek.

"Good," she said, "Well have a good time tonight." Carrie and Donna watched her walk away before turning back to their drinks at the bar.

"I'm pretty sure that woman is the devil," Donna said and Carrie laughed, shaking her head as she glanced around the room, her heart stopping as she watched a familiar blond throw herself on Juice's lap. Carrie gripped the bar, her eyes narrowing. Donna frowned before following Carrie's gaze across the room, her eyes widening in recognition.

"Carrie," she said warningly.

"What the _fuck_ is Lily doing here?" Carrie hissed. Donna shook her head, putting her hand on her friend's arm.

"I'll go say something to Opie," Donna suggested, "He'll tell her to leave." Carrie shook her head, standing up from her bar stool.

"No," she said firmly, "_I _will tell her to leave." Donna grimaced as she followed Carrie across the room, standing a few feet backand watching as Lily flirted with Juice, straddling him on the couch with her arms wrapped around his neck. Carrie grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her off of Juice's lap and down to the ground. Lily shrieked, struggling to get to her feet and turned around, the anger on her face immediately replaced by shock.

"Oh Carrie…. hey!" Lily said in greeting, a false smile plastered on her face as she rubbed the back of her head where Carrie had pulled her hair.

"You need to leave," Carrie said and Lily's smile faltered.

"I was invited," Lily said, glancing down at Juice who was watching the exchange with surprised interest.

"Invitations over," Carrie told her threateningly. Lily bit her lip, sighing.

"Come on, Carrie, we used to be friends. I'm sorry about all that stuff before, but that was like 5 years ago. Can we just move on?" she asked. Carrie took a step forward, staring harshly at the blond.

"I'm not sure how much time it'll take for me to lose the image of you _fucking my boyfriend,"_ Carrie sneered. Juice's eyes widened as he looked between the two, the words 'oh shit' clearly bouncing around his head, "Why don't you call in another 5 years? I'll let you know if I've _moved on_." Lily tossed her hair back, squaring her shoulders, obviously sensing that playing nice wasn't working.

"Well you're here now, so I'm guessing it all worked out in the end," Lily said.

"Just because Jax and I found a way to get past it, doesn't mean you're welcome here," Carrie told her angrily, "If you don't leave in the next three seconds, I will drag you out by your goddamn hair."

"Who do you think you are?" Lily asked haughtily, "You don't make the rules around here." Carrie took one step closer, her jaw set and her nostrils flaring angrily.

"3…." She began counting down, "2…."

* * *

Jax sat at a table with Opie, Judge and Ace, completely oblivious to the confrontation until Opie tapped him on the shoulder, pointing across the room. Jax turned around to see Carrie standing inches from Lily, looking more pissed than he'd ever seen her.

"Shit," Jax muttered under his breath, standing quickly and rushing over to Carrie. He slipped an arm around her shoulder, gripping her tightly as she tried to shrug him off, and steered her away. He glanced back at Lily.

"Get the fuck out," he growled at her. She stared at him, looking confused and angry, "NOW!" He bellowed, throwing his arm out and pointing to the door. His eyes followed her as she scurried quickly out of the clubhouse.

"She's got a lot of nerve," Carrie muttered, finally releasing herself from Jax's grip as she stalked off to the bar, Donna following right behind her. Jax ran a hand through his hair before turning to look at Juice.

"You invite her?" he asked angrily. Juice nodded, his hands raised in surrender.

"Yeah, man, I'm sorry, I didn't know," he responded. Jax nodded, annoyed, before turning and following Carrie back to the bar.

"You okay?" he asked, slipping an arm around her shoulder. She shrugged him off irritably as she downed the drink in her hand, slamming the glass back on the counter.

"No, Jax, I'm not okay," she answered angrily.

"Hey I didn't bring her here," Jax responded calmly, leaning into Carrie and speaking quietly, "So don't get that attitude with me." Carrie sighed, finally turning to look up at him.

"I'm sorry," she said, "It's just… seeing her again…"

"I know," Jax said, "But she's gone now. So just have a good time, alright?" Carrie nodded and Jax kissed her lightly, "I love you." Carrie smiled at him.

"I love you, too," she said. Jax nodded, glancing over at the table where Opie, Judge, and Ace were waiting for him.

"I gotta go finish this," he said, jerking his head towards them, "You be alright?" Carrie nodded and Jax kissed her again before walking back to the table. Carrie glanced around the clubhouse before looking back at Donna.

"You see my brother anywhere?" she asked. Donna looked around and laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, he's by the pole," she responded. Carrie shook her head, looking over to see Chris sitting wide eyed as he watched a couple of half-naked croweaters swing around the stripper pole.

"At least someone's having a good time," she muttered.

"Hey, that bitch almost ruined your relationship," Donna said, "Don't let her ruin your night, too." Carrie nodded, shaking it off.

"Yeah, you're right," she said grinning. Her grin faltered as she saw Kyle walk up them, stumbling slightly in his drunken state.

"Oh Jesus," she muttered under her breath. She'd never been a big fan of Kyle's. As much as she loved all the other guys in the club, Kyle had always had it out for Jax and she knew it. He leaned over the bar in between where Carrie sat and Donna stood, his eyes raking over Carrie.

"Hey sweetie," he slurred, "Why don't you get that fine ass off that stool and get me a beer." Stacey rolled her eyes, trying to turn away from him, but he grabbed her arm. She stood from her stool, wriggling out of his grasp.

"Fuck off, Kyle," she said, her temper, so close to the surface already, flaring again. His eyes narrowed angrily at her.

"Yeah?" he said, "You're the same as all the other whores running around here. Jax becomes VP and suddenly you can't wait to get back with him." Before she knew what had had happened, she'd slapped him hard across the face, leaving him standing in front of her, seething.

"Bitch, he yelled, raising his hand to hit her. Before he could bring his hand down on her, Chris had jumped on him, tackling him to the ground.

"Chris!" Carrie yelled, "Chris, no!" Kyle had flipped Chris on his back, holding him down with his knee as he punched him in the gut. Chris buckled in pain as Carrie grabbed Kyle around the neck, struggling to get him off of her brother. She felt herself shoved to the side as she saw Jax step in and pull Kyle off of Chris, shoving him into the bar. Carrie rushed over to Chris, bending over him as she checked him over.

"Are you okay?" she asked, cradling his face in her hand. Chris nodded, wincing as he slowly sat up.

"Yeah," he groaned, "I had him right where I wanted him." Carrie laughed, relieved that he was okay, and stood to help him up. She turned to Donna.

"Will you take him home, please?" she asked apologetically. Donna nodded, walking over and letting Chris throw an arm around her as she helped him walk outside. Carrie walked over to where Jax was fuming above Kyle as Kyle tried to shove him away. Dizzy handed her a beer and Carrie smiled gratefully, taking a long sip of it.

"You need to get your old lady in line," Kyle said harshly, "I couldn't just let her slap me."

"Yeah, and knowing you I'm sure she had a good reason," Jax growled.

"Yeah, she's a bitch," Kyle spat. Before Carrie could say anything, Jax raised his fist back, slamming it into the side of Kyle's face before gripping his head and crashing it against the bar. With his hand fisting Kyle's hair, Jax leaned down into his face.

"You don't talk to her. Ever again," Jax said, his voice low and harsh, "You fuck with my girl again, I'll make sure that patch of yours is stripped – you hear me?" Kyle finally nodded as best as he could with his face smashed against the bar and Jax released him, giving him one final shove before turning back to Carrie. He threw his arm around her shoulder and kissed her lightly.

"Let's get outta here," he said and Carrie nodded as he led her outside and to his bike.

"Well that was an eventful night," he said as he handed her a helmet. She took it and buckled it under her chin, nodding.

"I'm sorry about all that, Jax," she said, "I didn't mean to cause problems." Jax shook his head, tipping her chin up to look at him before kissing her.

"You didn't," he said. A slow grin spread across his face as he looked down at her, "Just out of curiosity, though, why did you hit Kyle?" Carrie chuckled lightly, shaking her head.

"It doesn't matter," she said, "But he did deserve it." Jax nodded, swinging his leg over his bike as she followed suit.

"Yeah, he's becoming a real pain in the ass," Jax agreed, revving his bike up and pulling out of the lot.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie sat at the reception desk at the day care the following Monday, her cheek resting on her hand as she watched the clock. Kenny had gotten sick that morning and Donna had had to take him to the doctor, leaving Carrie to watch the front desk by herself. She'd gotten so used to having Donna around lately that it was extremely boring sitting up there by herself. She sighed as she turned back to her solitaire game until she heard the door jingle as it opened and glanced up to see Jax walk in.

"Well to what do I owe this surprise?" Carrie asked, grinning as she stood to kiss Jax from across the counter.

"Just stopping by," he said. He paused, smiling, before continuing, "I want to take you out tonight." Carrie raised her eyebrows.

"What? Like on a date?" she asked, surprised. He nodded.

"Yeah, like dinner and a movie. Like normal people," he said. Carrie laughed.

"Oh you are so far from normal, Jax," she said and he shrugged.

"So what do you say?" he asked. Carrie bit her lip, looking across at him.

"I can't tonight," she said and Jax frowned, "You told me you were going to be busy all night at the clubhouse, so I made plans with some friends to go out for drinks."

"So ditch your friends," Jax said, "I'm sure they can live without you for one night." Carrie sighed, shaking her head.

"I can't ditch them just because your plans changed, Jax," she said, "I need friends outside of you and SAMCRO."

"Why?" he asked stubbornly. Carrie pursed her lips, looking across at him incredulously. Jax rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he braced his hands on the counter in front of him.

"We can do it another night," Carrie told him. Jax shook his head.

"Nah, forget it," he said, "Have fun with your _friends." _

"Jax-" Carrie started, but he was already halfway out the door. Carrie stood there, watching him through the glass paneled door as he strode out into the parking lot.

"What the hell just happened?" she muttered to herself, frustrated. She sat back down in her chair, trying to shake the argument off her chest, but it wouldn't leave. She finally sighed and stood, walking outside to the playground where Neeta was watching her class run around from a bench on the side. Carrie took a seat next to her and Neeta looked over at her curiously.

"Heard the angry roar of that bike," Neeta said, "I'm guessing by your expression that it wasn't a nice little visit." Carrie shook her head.

"He wanted to go to dinner tonight but I'd already made plans with some friends, and when I told him he got all butthurt and stormed off," Carrie explained, annoyance dripping from her voice. Neeta pursed her lips pensively, turning back to the playground to yell at a boy who was trying to climb up the slide before turning back to Carrie.

"You know Jax and Opie have been best friends since they were born," Neeta said and Carrie nodded, wondering if Neeta was trying to change the subject on purpose, "And when Jax was about 5, Opie started going to day care. Course, Gemma don't believe in day care so I was still watching Jax during the days until he started kindergarten. Well, Opie made a new friend at his school and Jax got really jealous, thinking he was gonna lose his best friend to this new little boy. He was upset for days. Well finally, Gemma and I decided to invite Opie and this new boy over to play and after that Jax decided they could all be friends. Problem solved." Carrie furrowed her brow, trying to follow the application of this story.

"So, am I Opie or am I the new friend?" Carrie finally asked. Neeta sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Just invite the boy to come with you tonight," Neeta said exasperatedly. Carrie's eyes widened as she looked over at Neeta.

"I never even _thought_ to invite him to come with me," she said and Neeta nodded, folding her arms across her chest.

"And that, child, is why they pay me the big bucks," she said, turning her attention back to the playground.

"Neeta, you make, like, minimum wage," Carrie reminded her.

"Mmmmhmm," Neeta responded, "And you might want to remember that next time we're due for a performance review, _boss_." Carrie laughed.

"You're definitely getting a raise," she said as she rose from the bench and started walking back towards the day care.

"I'm gonna remember you said that!" Neeta called after her, "A black woman never forgets!" Carrie laughed as she ran through the doors of the day care and grabbed her phone out of her purse, quickly dialing Jax's number.

"Hey," he said as he picked up.

"Hey," Carrie responded, unable to tell from the tone of his voice if he was still angry.

"Look, Carrie, I'm sorry about earlier," Jax began.

"No, it's okay," Carrie said, "I was just calling because I wanted to see if you wanted to come out with me and my friends tonight. It'd be a good chance for you to meet them." There was a pause on the other side of the line and Carrie worried briefly that Jax had hung up until he spoke again.

"Yeah?" he asked, "You want me to come with you?" Carrie grinned into the phone, shaking her head as she realized that that 5 year old still existed inside her big, tough, biker boyfriend.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't want you to come," Carrie told him.

"Alright then, I'll see you tonight," he said.

"Good," Carrie responded, "And hey, I love you."

"Love you, too, Carrie," he responded before Carrie hung up the phone and tossed it into her purse, wondering if she'd ever be able to navigate the tricky waters of her relationship without Neeta.

* * *

**A/N - thanks for reading! Please review, let us know what you think! We love reviews sooooo much! :) **


	13. Chapter 13

Nighttime had always been Jax's favorite part of the day. With all the stores closed down and all the law abiding citizens tucked away safely inside their homes, there was an eerie quality about the empty streets that had always been soothing to Jax. He rode through the dark streets, puffing on a cigarette hanging carelessly from his lips, before pulling into Carrie's driveway. He walked inside, frowning at the fact that she had left her door unlocked, and walked down the hall to her bedroom.

"You ready?" he called out as he walked through the door of her room. She stuck her head out of the ensuite bathroom and smiled when she saw them.

"Give me 5 minutes," she said, before retreating back into the bathroom without waiting for a response.

"You know you left your door unlocked," Jax called to her through the bathroom door. She stuck her head out of the door again, rolling her eyes.

"Sorry, _dad,_" she responded sarcastically before once again closing the door. He grinned, shaking his head, and sat down on her bed, lying on his back and wondering why he had agreed to go out and meet her friends. At first, he'd been annoyed that she hadn't seemed to want him to come along with her, but now he realized that he was walking into a whole other level of pressure he wasn't used to.

She finally emerged from the bathroom, wearing a short denim skirt and heels, her tight v-neck shirt showing just the right amount of cleavage, and he stood up, grinning. It never failed to amaze him how beautiful she was. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him, and leaned down to kiss her, his hands running down her back.

"You sure we have to go out?" he murmured in her ear, "We could just stay in… Have some fun of our own." She laughed softly, smiling up at him and shaking her head slowly.

"No, Jax, we've gotta go," she said. She paused, biting her lip nervously, "Unless, you know, you don't want to come. You don't have to come."

"Do you want me to come?" he asked her.

"Yes," she responded. He smiled, taking a step back from her.

"Then I'm coming," he said. She grinned, grabbing her purse off the bed as he led her out of the house.

They pulled up to the front of Rhodie's, a small bar in "Downtown" Charming, which was actually just a square of shops, bars, and restaurants that surrounded the courthouse. They hopped off the bike, Carrie carefully trying not to give too many people around a show as she swung her leg off the bike and adjusted her skirt. Jax watched her, grinning with an eyebrow cocked, before slinging his arm around her shoulder and leading her inside.

Carrie felt her heart thudding in her chest as they made their way through the crowded room to the bar to get a drink. She didn't know why she felt so nervous about Jax meeting her friends – they already knew who he was and she'd known most of them long enough that they already knew their history. All she knew was that it was important to her that they get along. She had too many people, like her mother, rooting for their relationship to fail; she needed her friends to be on board.

Jax passed her a beer the bartender handed to him before taking one for himself and allowed Carrie to lead him away from the bar. She spotted her friends sitting at a table by the wall and walked towards them, slipping her hand into Jax's. They looked up when they spotted her, smiling and waving as Carrie and Jax took a seat.

"Guys you know Jax," she said, "Jax this is Lindsay, Jenn, and Leia." Jax smiled at them, giving them all a small nod.

"Leia huh?" Jax asked, "Your parents Star Wars fans?" Leia grinned, nodding.

"My dad," she responded, "He wanted to name my little brother Boba Fett but my mom drew the line." Jax laughed.

"So what's your little brother's name?" he asked. Leia grinned sheepishly.

"Luke," she responded and Jax laughed harder, tossing his head back. Carrie glanced between them, feeling her body begin to calm down.

"So how do you all know each other?" Jax asked, leaning back easily in his chair and resting one arm on the back of Carrie's chair as he took a sip of his beer.

"We all work at the day care," Lindsay responded. Jax nodded, glancing over at Carrie.

"So you gotta bribe your employees to come have a drink with you?" he asked teasingly. Carrie grinned.

"How else am I supposed to have any friends?" she retorted. They all fell easily into conversation and Carrie smiled in relief that her friends seemed to like him almost as much as she did.

"I'm gonna go get us another drink," Jax said to Carrie when he noticed their drinks getting low, standing from his seat. He looked around at the other girls, "Anyone need?" The girls shook their heads as Jax made his way to the bar before turning all their attention back to Carrie.

"God I forgot how hot he was," Jenn said grinning as she stirred the drink in front of her with her straw. Carrie chuckled, nodding in agreement.

"You know I never told you this," Lindsay said, leaning towards Carrie, "Mostly because it's kind of embarrassing But you know you and Jax got together when I was a freshman at Charming High and I used to watch ride up on his motorcycle and pick you up from school, and I didn't really know you then but I just always thought of you and Jax as the perfect couple. I mean damn, I've spent the past 8 years trying to find my own Jax Teller." Carrie laughed, shaking her head.

"You're crazy," Carrie told her, "Trust me, it's not always rainbows and unicorns with him." Lindsay shrugged.

"Yeah, I mean no relationship is ever as perfect as it seems, is it? But you could tell just by looking at you guys together how much you love each other. I mean, it's written all over his face every time he looks at you," Lindsay told her. Carrie felt her face heat up as she smiled.

"Yeah, we definitely love each other," Carrie agreed, leaning back in her chair, "But diving back into this thing… it's just hard. I mean, I think Jenn was the only one who saw me when Jax and I broke up the first time. It was awful."

"Yeah," Jenn agreed, "But he couldn't have broken your heart if he didn't have it in the first place. Like when you were dating that construction guy, and then that guy from the bank – I think either of them could've done what Jax did and you barely would have blinked." Carrie shrugged; she couldn't deny that no one had ever had the power to hurt her like Jax did, but she'd never thought about that as a _good_ thing before.

"All we're saying is we want you to be happy," Leia said, "Mainly because when you're happy you let us out of work earlier." Carrie laughed, shaking her head, as Leia continued, "So if Jax makes you happy, then enjoy it." Carrie nodded, smiling at them.

"Yeah, you're right," she responded. She looked briefly around the bar, scanning the crowd for him, "He's been at the bar awhile." The girls all turned to look around.

"There he is, he's talking to the bartender," Lindsay said, pointing him out. Carrie spotted him, watching as the bartender leaned over the bar, adjusting her top so it ran lower across her chest and smiling flirtatiously at Jax. He laughed at something she said, shaking his head in amusement as Carrie pursed her lips, annoyed. Her eyes narrowed as two other girls walked up to him and he smiled at them both. One of them flipped her hair over her shoulder as the other one ran her hand down his arm, tossing her head back as she laughed.

"Son. Of. A. Bitch," Carrie muttered, turning away from the scene and crossing her arms across her chest.

"You can't blame them for trying, Carrie," Jenn said as she continued to watch the scene, "Like I said – your boyfriend's hot. And he's got that whole dangerous thing working for him. Girls in here are gonna eat that up."

"Yeah, whatever," Carrie muttered, annoyed, "I guess it's just Lily showing up at the clubhouse last week. It's got me all riled up."

"Lily _what?!" _Lindsay exclaimed as all the girls' heads whipped around to look at Carrie. She nodded, shrugging.

"Yeah, she came to a party at the clubhouse last week, trying to hook up with one of the other Sons," Carrie explained, getting angry all over again as she recalled the scene.

"So what happened?" Jenn asked. Carrie grinned. This part of the story she did like.

"I pulled her off the guy's lap by her hair and got her thrown out," she said. Leia slammed her palm on the table, tossing her head back as she let out a bark of laughter.

"I can't believe that bitch would show up," she said, still grinning broadly. Carrie nodded.

"Right?" Carrie asked, glad to have some affirmation that it had been ludicrous for Lily to show her face there again. They all nodded vigorously as Carrie turned to look back at Jax, basking in the attention he was getting from the girls.

"This is just like at the clubhouse," Carrie muttered, mostly to herself.

"What is?" Leia asked. Carrie shook her head, pushing her chair back from the table as she stood.

"I've just gotta show those girls he's off limits," Carrie replied, "That's not one of Jax's greater strengths." They all grinned, nodding.

"Go for it," Lindsay called after her as she strode purposefully towards Jax. She walked up to him, casually pushing one of the girls to the side as she grabbed the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair as she pulled him down to kiss her. Momentarily surprised, it didn't take Jax more than a second to respond, wrapping his arms around her as he kissed her hungrily. Her lips parted easily, allowing his tongue access to explore while she trailed her hands under the back of his cut, her fingernails lightly running down his back until they stopped at his belt. He pulled away from her reluctantly, heat blazing behind his eyes as he slapped several bills down on the bar without so much as taking his eyes off of her.

"Let's go," he said huskily and she nodded slyly, laughing as he grabbed her and began pulling her towards the door. She glanced back at the girls who had been flirting with Jax and now looked crestfallen. They glared at her and she grinned in superiority at them before turning to look across the bar at Jenn, Lindsay, and Leia. She shrugged apologetically at them as Jax practically dragged to the door and they all grinned back at her, giving her the thumbs up.

As soon as Carrie had hopped off Jax's bike in front of her house, Jax scooped her into his arms, kissing her hard. She wrapped her arms around his neck as they slowly stumbled their way up the steps to the front porch. Jax fumbled with the lock before finally getting the key in and the two tumbled through the doorway.

Carrie jumped out of Jax's embrace, startled, as she heard a crash from the living room and looked to see Chris standing hastily from where he had fallen on the floor, shirtless and standing next to a girl in equal stages of undress.

"Chris!" Carrie shrieked, looking back and forth between Chris and the girl, "What the hell are you doing here?!" Chris shrugged sheepishly as the girl hurriedly straightened her skirt out and began buttoning up her shirt.

"You told me I could come by and hang out here when I wanted," Chris reminded her. Carrie looked at him, flabbergasted.

"Yes, I told you you could come hang out here," Carrie said, "Not that you could bring girls over to have sex on my couch!"

"I think I'll wait outside," the girl mumbled, looking mortified as she slipped past Carrie and out the door. Carrie barely gave her a second glance before turning back to her brother.

"Well where else am I supposed to do it, then?" Chris asked.

"Are you being serious right now? How about nowhere!?" Carrie shrieked, looking at Jax, hoping for a little support. She didn't know why she was hoping, as Jax was just standing there looking amused.

"Was that that cheerleader I saw after your game?" Jax asked and Chris nodded proudly.

"Yeah, Becca," he said, "She's hot, right?" Carrie looked at Jax, horrified.

"You better not answer that!" she said and Jax closed his mouth, grinning and nodding at Chris, who grinned back.

"Key," Carrie said firmly, holding her hand out. Chris' grin faded as he looked at her.

"What?" he asked.

"Give me your key to my house," she said.

"Seriously, Carrie?" Chris moaned, "You and Jax had the clubhouse when you were in high school." Carrie's eyes widened as she looked across at her brother.

"Chris, you're not using my house to get laid. It's not happening. You're 16," she reminded him.

"I'll be 17 in a month," he argued and Carrie rolled her eyes, her hand still held firmly out and he begrudgingly took his key off his key ring and handed it to her.

"Thank you," she said before storming back to her bedroom. Chris rolled his eyes as he grabbed his shirt off the couch, pulling it over his head.

"I'm the one who should be pissed, you know," Chris said, looking over at Jax, "I mean, I was _this_ close." Jax laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, well, I feel your pain there, Bug," Jax responded.

"Oh… right. Sorry," Chris said, glancing at the closed bedroom door at the end of the hall. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously before looking back at Jax.

"You think, maybe, you could talk to her for me?" Chris asked and Jax shook his head.

"No way," Jax responded, "Wouldn't do any good anyway. There's no way she's gonna let you use this place as your little hideaway." Chris sighed, nodding.

"Yeah, well, it's been working out great so far," he muttered, "Why'd you guys come back so early anyway?" Jax looked pointedly at him.

"Oh," Chris responded, "Right. Sorry." Jax grinned, shaking his head.

"You said that already," Jax said, "Now go take your girl home. Maybe you can still work something out." Chris shook his head.

"Nah, I think my night's pretty much over," he said as he headed towards the door, "I'll see you around, Jax." Jax nodded as he locked the door behind Chris and walked down the hall to find Carrie, already in her pajamas and pacing her room furiously. Jax sighed as he closed the door behind him.

"Can you believe that?" Carrie asked. Jax shrugged, sliding his cut off and laying it on her dresser.

"He's 17, Carrie," he reminded her, "You remember what we were like when we were his age?" Carrie sighed, walking over to Jax and resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

"He's still my little brother, though, you know?" Carrie asked. Jax nodded.

"Yeah, I do know. I've known that kid since he was 8 years old," Jax reminded her, "But he's not 8 years old anymore."

"So you think I should let him use this place as his own personal whore house?" Carrie asked sarcastically.

"That's not what I said," Jax responded, "I just think you shouldn't get all bent out of shape about it." He looked down at her, tipping her chin up with his finger and leaning down to kiss her lightly. She smiled up at him, reaching up to rest her arms on his shoulders.

"What would I do without you?" she asked. Jax grinned, shaking his head.

"Nah, babe," he responded, "The question is what would _I _do without _you._"

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASAOA 

Rob stood in the VIP room of the Dollhouse, surveying the club through the floor to ceiling windows that lined one wall of the room while Tommy sat on one of the couches, enjoying the private show one of the dolls was giving him on the pole. Rob sighed as he turned to walk over to Tommy, taking a seat in the adjacent chair. His mind was a blur, thinking about the next tactical move with SAMCRO if plan A didn't pan out.

"Shawn coming down anytime soon?" Rob finally asked as a waitress handed him a drink. Tommy shook his head, his eyes still glued to the gyrating girl in front of him.

"Nah, SAMVAN needs him to stick around unless he's needed down here," Tommy responded. Rob nodded, grinning as he took a sip of his drink.

"Good," he responded, "Without that cut on his back I'd never be able to tell you fuckers apart." Tommy grinned, glancing momentarily over at Rob.

"Yeah, that's what 'twins' means," Tommy responded. Rob chuckled, shaking his head.

"Smartass," he replied. Tommy turned back to the girl, taking a sip of his drink as his mind returned to their problems at hand.

"So are we still waiting around for an answer from SAMCRO?" Tommy asked. Rob shrugged, running a hand through his short hair in agitation.

"We've waited long enough," Rob said, "We need to get it set up for tomorrow night. After that, worst case scenario, at least we should have Darby out of the way." Tommy nodded, leaning back comfortably in his seat as he took another sip of his drink.

"I'll make the calls," he responded easily.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

"So how'd it go Friday night with Jax?" Donna asked as she pushed a casserole into the oven and set the timer. She hopped up on the counter, pouring herself and Carrie a glass of wine as she looked at her expectantly.

"Fine," Carrie responded, "Great, actually." Donna grinned.

"So the girls liked him?" she asked. Carrie nodded, leaning against the counter and looking up at her.

"Yeah, they did," she said, "I wish you could've come." Donna nodded, glancing out of the window behind her that looked upon the backyard, seeing Jax chasing Kenny around the yard while Opie pushed Ellie on the swing set.

"Ah the life of having kids," Donna said, grinning as she watched the boys play with the kids. Carrie followed her gaze, smiling as she took in the scene.

"So…." Donna said, turning back to look at Carrie, "You and Jax talk about ever having any kids?" Carrie whipped her head around to look at Donna, her eyes wide.

"Definitely not," she said, "We haven't even been back together very long!" Donna sighed, nodding.

"I know," she said, "I just want friends that have babies!" Carrie laughed, shaking her head.

"Donna, you don't even like kids that aren't your own," she pointed out. Donna shrugged, turning to look back out of the window.

"I'd like your kids," she responded and Carrie chuckled.

Outside, Jax stopped to catch his breath as Kenny continued running wildly around the yard. Jax shook his head, making his way over to Opie, who gave Ellie one last push on the swings and walked over to sit with Jax on the deck.

"I can't keep up with that kid," Jax lamented, breathing heavily.

"It's all those damn cigarettes you smoke," Opie said, grinning as he took his pack out and lit a cigarette. Jax laughed, following suit. They watched as Ellie drug her feet on the ground to stop the swing and hopped off of it, taking over for Jax by chasing her brother around the yard. Opie smiled as he watched them before turning to look back at Jax.

"So I've been thinking a lot about this new deal," Opie told him. Jax furrowed his brow, looking back at Opie.

"What?" he asked.

"I know you don't like it," Opie started. Jax raised his eyebrows incredulously, interrupting Opie before he could continue.

"Yeah, you're damn right I don't like it," he said, "You have any idea the shit we'd be bringing down on ourselves by getting into something like this?" Opie shrugged, turning back to his kids.

"Yeah, but… I don't know. I'm starting to come around to the idea. It'd let me support my family," he said. Jax shook his head.

"You can't support 'em if you're dead, Ope," Jax said. Opie turned to look at him, his lips pursed. Jax shook his head, leaning over and resting his arms on his knees, "I feel like we're not getting the whole story from these guys. I just have a bad feeling about it."

"That's just prison mentality," Opie told him jokingly, "Everyone's out to get you."

"Nah, that's outlaw mentality," Jax corrected, "And we gotta be smart about who we jump into bed with." He glanced up as the back door opened and Carrie and Donna stepped out. They walked over, grinning at the boys as Carrie curled onto Jax's lap, Donna following suit with Opie.

"What're we talking about?" Donna asked. Opie grinned, looking over at Jax.

"Oh, Jax was just debating about who he wants to jump into bed with," he said. Jax frowned at him as Carrie playfully hit him on the shoulder.

"It better be me!" she exclaimed. He grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her.

"Course, babe," he said.

"Is the casserole ready?" Opie asked. Donna shook her head.

"20 more minutes," she responded.

"We better not be late," Jax said, checking his watch, "You know how Gemma gets." Donna laughed, nodding.

"We won't be," she responded.

Half an hour later, Carrie was on the back of Jax's bike while Donna, Opie, and the kids piled into his truck for the short drive over to Clay and Gemma's house. They walked in through the back to see a bustle of activity as Gemma and Luann ran around the kitchen getting everything together while most of SAMCRO stood around the dining room talking.

"Anything I can help with?" Carrie asked as she walked over to Gemma, kissing her hello on the cheek. Gemma nodded, glancing around the kitchen.

"Can you put together a salad?" she asked. Carrie nodded and got to work as Gemma began shuffling food out to the dining room table. She came back and stood by Carrie for a moment until Carrie finally looked up from what she was doing.

"Need anything, Gemma?" Carrie asked. Gemma shrugged.

"I'm just so glad you guys came," she said. Carrie set the knife down she was using to cut up the tomato before turning to face Gemma.

"Of course we came," Carrie responded sincerely. She sighed, her mind searching for the words she needed to say, "Look, Gemma, my family is important to me, and I want Jax to be a part of my family. But I also know how important Jax's family is to him, and I'd never do anything to get in the way of that. I don't know why you've been looking at me like I'm some huge threat ever since we got back together but I promise, Gemma, I'm not." Gemma nodded, smiling, as she lightly rubbed her hand on Carrie's back.

"I know, baby," she said, "I was just worried." Carrie nodded.

"I know you were. I was, too. But me and Jax… we didn't just jump back in together. We both thought a lot about it before we made that decision," she said. Gemma nodded.

"Yeah, I know," she said, starting to move away, "Bring that salad to the table when you're finished." Carrie nodded, returning back to the task at hand. She finally dumped all of the vegetables into a large bowl and carried it into the dining room, setting it in the middle of the table. She walked back into the kitchen to grab her purse and saw Luann pulling the last dish out of the oven. Seeing her again made Carrie think about how much her husband had sacrificed for Jax, and how much she owed to Luann for that.

"Can I help you with anything?" Carrie asked, walking up to the blond. Luann looked around, shaking her head.

"Nope, I think that's the last of it," she said. Carrie nodded, starting to turn back to the dining room and stopped, turning back to Luann. She took a deep breath before she spoke. She had never known Luann very well, but some things just needed to be said.

"I heard what Otto did for Jax," Carrie said to her, "How he took the fall for him." Luann leaned back against the counter, looking at her and nodding slowly.

"You just appreciate the time you have with him," Luann said, nodding her head to Jax who was standing in the living room, talking to Chibs and Opie, "Some good advice – don't you ever take the time you have with Jax for granted." Carrie nodded, giving Luann a small smile as Luann grabbed the dish cooling on the counter and carried it to the table.

Carrie walked over to Jax, wrapping her arms around him as she rested her head against his body. He absentmindedly stroked her arm while he finished his conversation with Chibs and Opie before he took her hand in his and led her to a seat at the table. Donna took the chair next to her while putting Kenny on the opposite side of her in a high chair Gemma kept around and Ellie across the table next to Opie.

"Alright, dig in everyone!" Clay said as he took his seat at the head of the table and hands shot forward, grabbing dishes and passing them around. The noise level rose as small conversations began up and down the table while everyone ate. Carrie smiled as she looked over at Jax, knowing how much he was enjoying being surrounded by his large family. It was an unusual life he led, but no one that walked into a scene like this, with love pouring from every corner of this table, could tell her it was a bad life.

She smiled as Jax passed her the bread basket, taking a roll before passing it on to Donna. Before Donna could take it, there was a thunderous noise, glass shattering all over the room. Jax grabbed Carrie's head instinctively, shoving her under the table.

"GET DOWN!" he shouted, taking cover with Carrie as Donna, not bothering to take Kenny out of the high chair, hurriedly knocked it on its side to shield him from the shots blasting all over the room. Kenny and Ellie started crying as Donna fumbled with Kenny's high chair, finally wrestling him out and he and his sister cowered against their parents, their howls mixing with the gunfire rapidly setting off through the windows. Carrie looked over to see Opie grab Donna's hand over the huddled bodies of their children before the shots ceased suddenly. Tires burned as a car sped off and every man in the room jumped up to run outside.

Carrie, Donna, Luann, and Gemma slowly and shakily also made their way out from under the table, Donna holding Kenny while Carrie reached out for Ellie, both of whom were still crying, though much quieter.

"God DAMNIT!" Gemma yelled as she looked around the house, "Would you look at my damn house!" Carrie barely acknowledged her as Gemma immediately grabbed a broom and began sweeping up glass. Carrie sat on the floor, rocking Ellie in her arms as she looked fearfully over at Donna, who echoed the look in her own eyes. Neither of them said a word as they both sat there, waiting for the boys to come back.

After what seemed like eons, the boys filed back into the house, all of them looked agitated and angry. Jax ran a hand through his hair in frustration as he walked straight to Carrie, handing Ellie to Opie before helping Carrie to her feet. He pulled her into his arms, so tight Carrie thought she might lose oxygen flow, but she didn't care. She gripped him with all of her might while he soothed her until she stopped shaking.

"Is anyone hurt?" Clay called out amongst the group. Everyone responded in the negative and Clay paced the dining room before stopping suddenly, slamming his fist down on the table angrily.

"We're going on lockdown," he announced firmly, "Everyone go home, grab some shit, and be back at the clubhouse in 20 minutes. Tig, take Luann." Everyone nodded at the orders and Jax grabbed Carrie's hand, walking her briskly outside to his bike.

* * *

**A/N - Thanks so much for reading! We've finally reached the first turning point we've been heading towards and we're both really excited about where the story is going from here! I hope you guys liked this chapter! Please let us know what you thought! **


	14. Chapter 14

Carrie stared at the rows of clothes hanging in her closet, her mind unable to focus on anything but the night's events. It was the first time she'd ever been shot at, the first time she'd even ever heard a gun being fired, and the closest she'd ever come to dying. She'd always known Jax led a dangerous life but up until this point it had never affected her like this and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't scared. Her heart wouldn't stop thudding in her chest and she knew if she didn't start concentrating on something else soon, she'd be in for a panic attack.

"You packed yet?" Jax asked as he stepped into the bedroom, breaking her out of her cone of silence. Carrie jumped, startled, before reaching her hand into the closet, pulling down several of the closest shirts to her and a few pairs of jeans and stuffing them into a duffel bag laying on the bed.

"Almost," she replied.

"Hurry," Jax told her as he walked around her to their bathroom to gather everything they'd need from in there.

"How long are we going to be at the clubhouse?" Carrie asked him as he walked back into the bedroom. He threw the toiletries into the duffel and walked over to her, running his hands through her hair before holding her head tenderly.

"I'm not sure," Jax admitted. Carrie dug her hands into the back of his cut, gripping it firmly in her small fists.

"What is going on, Jax?" She asked him, her eyes pleading with him for an answer. Jax sighed, kissing her firmly on the forehead.

"I'm not sure," He repeated, looking into her eyes. She could see the worry behind them and knew that it was all for her, "This shit is out of left field, no one has any beef with us."

"That you know of," Carrie clarified.

"That we know of," He agreed. Carrie looked at her man, a whirlpool of emotions swirling in his eyes. She felt it best not to press him with questions he didn't know the answers to.

"You'll figure it out," She said softly, "I know you will." Jax kissed her softly, a smile playing on his lips.

"We need to go." He declared, standing up and ushering Carrie out to his bike.

**SOASOASOA**

Jax and Carrie arrived at the clubhouse, the atmosphere inside tense. It looked as though they were they last to arrive back and everyone else was already spread out around the clubhouse, chatting softly. Clay stood from his spot next to Gemma and cleared his throat. The murmur of the crowd quickly died out, and all attention turned to Clay.

"We've all had a long night. Everyone just try to get some sleep tonight. First thing in the morning I want anyone wearing a cut in the chapel," he announced. Jax took Carrie's hand in his, the duffel slung over his shoulder, as he lead her back to his old dorm room, both drained from the day's events. Carrie dug through the duffel bag, finally locating a t-shirt to sleep in while Jax pulled on a pair of boxer shorts. The two slipped under the covers and Jax pulled Carrie to his chest possessively.

"You okay?" He asked her, rubbing her upper arm with his thumb.

"I guess so." Carrie said hesitantly. She took a deep breath, wondering if this was the time to voice concerns or to be strong for her old man. She curled tighter into him, feeling the comfort of his arms wrapped around her.

"I'm scared," She finally admitted in a whisper.

"We're gonna figure this out, Carrie. We'll take care of it." He promised her, kissing her forehead, "I'd never let anything happen to you."

"I know," Carrie said honestly. She had no doubt in Jax's abilities to protect her, and she only wished there was something she could do for him. It was a frustrating position to be in, knowing the only thing within her power she could do at the moment was to keep calm. She lifted her head, glancing around the room, a slow smile spreading across her face at the memories held within these walls. She glanced back at him, running her fingernails lightly down his chest, now realizing that there was something else she could do for him.

"Is this the same room you had before you went to jail?" She asked flirtatiously.

"Yeah…" He replied, a cockeyed grin spreading across his face.

"The same one you deflowered me in?" She teased, flipping over and straddling him.

"Deflowered?" He said with a snort, running his hands up and down her arms that were bracing themselves on his shoulders, "Where'd you come up with that?"

"I'm expanding my vocabulary," She told him, leaning down and kissing his neck. He slipped a hand under her shirt, on the small of her back.

"Yeah, this is the same room." He told her.

Carrie kissed her way up to his ear and whispered seductively, "Wanna give me an encore performance?" He raised his eyebrows in momentary surprise before grabbing her and rolling over, resting himself on top of her.

"Always aim to please, darlin'," he said before firmly pressing his lips against hers.

**SOASOASOA**

The next morning the members of SAMCRO sat around the redwood table, SAMVAN members sitting along the wall. Every face in the room was stony and thoughtful as Clay, the last in the room, took his seat at the head of the table. He banged his gavel, signaling the start of the meeting, the anger apparent on his face.

"Alright let's get started with this shit," Clay said.

"Who around here has the balls to shoot up the pres' house?" Juice asked no one in particular, getting the conversation started.

"Darby wasn't too happy last time we saw him," Tig reminded Clay.

"What was Darby's problem?" Chibs asked.

"Said if we got into meth there would be problems with the Nords," Bobby said.

"A decision hadn't been made," Jax said in confusion.

"Someone's been feeding him shit," Clay reminded them, "Last time we saw him he was pretty convinced we'd already made a deal."

"Idiot probably thought he'd scare us off before we encroached on his business," Bobby said, thinking out loud.

"Darby knows he doesn't scare us." Opie said with a scoff.

"Maybe he just wants to make sure we think the new business venture is too much added bullshit to take on," Kyle offered. Jax raised his eyebrows. He usually didn't agree with anything Kyle said on principle, but he had made a valid point.

"If so it's looking like he's right," Jax said, looking pointedly at Clay.

"So what do we do about it?" Chibs asked.

"We wipe his ass off the map." Tig declared incredulously. Clay held a hand up to him before pointing at the sign hanging proudly on the wall: BRAINS BEFORE BULLETS.

"There's no reason to start a war… yet," Clay told his Sargent at arms, "We do need to let him know that his bullshit isn't going to fly."

"Darby set up a lab on the Lodi/Charming border. It's technically in Lodi but…" Juice announced, his voice trailing off.

"But maybe it's time to resurvey the borders." Clay finished rubbing his chin in thought. He looked at Bobby and Opie, "You two pyros wanna take care of that shit?" Opie and Bobby nodded, both formulating the best plan of attack in their heads.

"I should go too, Clay, you know, as backup," Tig offered.

"You just like watching shit blow up," Bobby told him.

"Yeah, so?" Tig asked him. "It's a normal hobby."

"Nothing about you is normal," Jax said with a sideways grin.

"I don't care who goes, I just want it done. Tonight," Clay told him, "The rest of you animals get out there and fix some cars, we've got a reputation to uphold."

"Average car repairs for inflated prices," Chibs said with a laugh.

"It's the American dream," Clay said, banging the gavel and dismissing the Sons. After the rest of the men filed out, Judge approached Clay.

"I just want you to know, anything you need from us… we're at your disposal," Judge told him sincerely. Clay clapped him on the back, giving him a grim smile.

"I appreciate that," Clay said, "If you guys could stick around a while longer…"Judge nodded.

"Of course, as long as you need us," he said.

"You're a good man." Clay told Judge, giving him a brotherly hug before walking away. Judge watched him walk off, hoping Clay was right about Darby and that he wasn't being played by someone else.

**SOASOASOA**

"This isn't up for debate Donna, I have to go!" Opie growled, grabbing a backpack off the floor of the dorm room they were sharing with the kids. Donna let out a cry of frustration, resisting the urge to tear her hair out.

"Go where Opie? Go do something stupid? Something that could get you killed or locked up?" Donna persisted, putting herself between the door and Opie.

"I'm not gonna get killed," Opie told her, doing his best not to roll his eyes when he saw Carrie and Jax walk past, pausing by the door to eavesdrop.

"That didn't answer the question!" Donna shrieked.

"You don't need to know," Opie told her firmly, hoping to end the conversation with that.

"I'm your wife! I have a right to know!" Donna insisted, on the verge of tears.

"I have to go," Opie grumbled, pushing past her and walking out of the clubhouse, leaving Donna to sit on the bed, dissolving into sobs.

"Give me a minute?" Carrie asked Jax, who nodded and walked away, leaving the two alone. Carrie sat next to Donna, hugging her tightly.

"It's gonna be okay," Carrie told her softly.

"Yeah, like you and Jax were okay when _he_ went to prison," Donna snapped at her, before shaking her head and scoffing, "I'm sorry, I… I didn't mean that." Carrie gave her a small smile, rubbing her hand down her arm comfortingly.

"Yeah, you did," Carrie said, "But it's okay."

"It's just different now. Before Jax went to jail, it felt like they were untouchable. Nothing bad was going to happen to them," Donna confessed. She stared down at her hands, sighing heavily, "Now, that's all I can think about. Every time he walks out that door, I'm afraid he's going to leave me all alone, leave me with two kids and a mortgage we can barely pay as it is, and…" Donna began sobbing again, "And that I'm never going to see him again."

"Donna." Carrie said softly, hugging her friend again. "I know how you feel. I've been through the nightmare and it's as far from fun as it gets. But we have the unfortunate genetic flaw that makes us fall in love with SAMCRO boys. I had to make the decision and now it's your turn; you have to decide if your love for Opie is enough to overcome all that fear."

"And if it's not?" Donna asked her. Carrie looked at her thoughtfully.

"Then I'm here for you. But I think if you think about it, you'll realize it's enough," she responded. Donna sat in silence, before wiping her face.

"I need to go find the kids," she finally said.

"Bobby and Piney are playing with them." Carrie told her. Donna looked at her in mock horror and Carrie laughed, "Oh come on, I'm sure Piney hasn't tried to give them any tequila… yet."

Donna giggled and the two stood up before Donna hugged her tightly. "Thank you. For everything," Donna told her.

"You know I love you, bitch," Carrie told her matter of factly, smiling at Donna's retreating back before walking out into the hall and bumping into Jax. She grinned up at him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Were you spying?" she asked.

"Maybe," He said, curling an arm around her neck and pulling her closer to him, "I love you," he told her, kissing her deeply.

**SOASOASOA**

Two days after the Sons took care of Darby's lab, everyone was still in the clubhouse. Clay was keeping everyone on lockdown waiting for Darby's retaliation, but so far there'd been no sign of him. Gemma glanced around at the crowd; most of them were starting to lose it, getting snippy with each other, drinking like fish, and grumbling.

"Baby, it's been a while. If Darby was going to do something, don't you think he would've by now?" She asked her husband.

"I don't know what that squirrelly fucker would do," Clay said gruffly.

"You can't keep everyone here much longer. They're starting to lose it," She told him. "And with the run tomorrow, you're gonna be short guys."

"I'm not going to put my family in danger," Clay told her. Gemma racked her brain, trying to think of ways to get the clubhouse cleared out. She wanted to go back to her house and stop sleeping on a bed that smelled like pussy, no matter how many times she washed the sheets.

"I just thought it would be nice to go back to the house so I could cook dinner for my man, with a little dessert," She whispered the last part in Clay's ear, nibbling on his earlobe. Clay grinned, running his hands down her back.

"Maybe Darby thinks it blew up on its own," Clay rationalized.

"I hear those meth labs are very unstable," Gemma agreed, trying to contain her smirk.

"I guess everyone can go home, for now," Clay decided, before making an announcement to the rest of the clubhouse. The crowd erupted in cheers and everyone started gathering their things, getting ready to go back to their normal lives. After Carrie and Donna gathered their things Jax and Opie approached them, looking guilty.

"Ope and I should probably stay here tonight. We've got a run, we're leaving in a few hours," Jax told her. Carrie nodded, trying to keep her expression from betraying the gnawing apprehension she felt about spending the first night back at her house alone.

"Well how long are you gonna be gone?" she asked. Jax shrugged, glancing at Opie.

"Shouldn't be more than a day or two," he said. Donna glanced at Carrie. She'd known her long enough to be able to tell what she was thinking.

"Hey, why don't you sleep at my place tonight? I don't really want to be alone with the kids. We'll have some wine and watch a couple movies, eat junk food," Donna told her with a sly grin. Carrie smiled back at her gratefully.

"That sounds great," she said with relief. She put her arms around Jax and grinned up at him, "Looks like I don't need you, anyway, I've got a hot date tonight."

"Damn, haven't even left and I've already been replaced." Jax said playfully, "Make sure you record all your dirty little pillow fights." He whispered to her. Carrie giggled and smacked his chest lightly. He snickered before pulling her into a deep kiss, not wanting to let her go yet.

"Please be careful," she murmured in his ear.

"I will." He promised her, kissing her yet again.

**SOASOASOA**

After getting Ellie and Kenny settled into bed, Donna and Carrie opened a bottle of wine and settled on the couch, flipping through the channels before landing on a romantic comedy**. **

"We should do this every time the guys have to go on a run," Carrie declared, pouring herself a full glass of wine. Donna nodded in agreement.

"Definitely," Carrie agreed, "It's been way too long since we've had a girl's night."

"I can't even remember the last time," Donna commiserated.

"Well it was definitely before you had kids," Carrie responded, tilting her head in thought as she took a sip of wine, "Wasn't it was that night when I'd just moved into my apartment? Remember? With Becca and Katie? Right after we graduated high school." Donna laughed at the memory.

"Oh my God that's right. And Robin was there, too. God, do you remember what happened that night?" she asked with a giggle. Carrie nodded, the image from that night 6 years ago flooding her memory.

"Yeah, how could I forget?" she asked, smiling.

"_Who needs another glass?" Carrie asked, waving her empty wine glass in the air as she rose from the couch and walked into the kitchen. _

"_I do!" Donna and their friends Becca, Katie, and Robin chorused. Carrie laughed as she grabbed the wine bottle and brought it into the living room, topping up everyone's glasses. _

"_That's the third one gone," Carrie announced as she poured the last of the bottle into her own glass. _

"_Uncork the next one!" Donna ordered with a giggle before hiccupping. She slapped a hand over her mouth before laughing as Becca grabbed the DVD Robin had brought over and read through the back of it. _

"_Who brings a movie like this to a _girl's_ night?" she asked. Robin shrugged. _

"_What's wrong with it?" she asked. _

"_We should be watching Heath Ledger swoop in to seduce Julia Stiles," Becca insisted, "Not some crazy doll wacking off a bunch of people." _

"_10 Things I Hate About You?" Robin asked incredulously, shaking her head as Becca set the DVD back on the coffee table. _

"_I always liked Joseph Gordon Levitt in that movie better," Katie said, "He was so sweet. I'm not really a bad-boy type of girl." Robin looked between Donna and Carrie and snorted before burying her face in her wine glass. _

"_What?" Donna asked. Robin grinned, shaking her head. _

"_Just that I think we know who among us are the bad-boy type of girls," she responded. Katie and Becca laughed, nodding in agreement while Carrie and Donna grinned, shaking their heads. _

"_I can't believe you and Jax have already been together over 2 years," Becca said. _

"_Hey, Donna and Opie have been together for a million," Carrie replied. Katie leaned closer to Carrie, a slight gleam in her eye. _

"_So what's it like?" she asked, "Dating a guy like that?" Carrie grinned, shrugging. _

"_I thought you weren't into the bad boy type," Carrie responded teasingly. Katie shook her head, grinning. _

"_Come on," she prompted, "Details." Carrie shrugged, glancing at Donna for help who held her hands up, shaking her head. _

"_It's… great," Carrie said simply, "Jax is great." Katie beamed at her while Robin got up to refill her wine glass._

"_Well we don't all want to be reminded we're not living in a fairy tale like those two," she said teasingly as she walked back into the living room and Donna and Carrie shook their heads, "So can we watch this movie or what?" Carrie stood to take the DVD from her and put it in the player before reclaiming her spot on the couch. _

_The movie had gotten especially tense when Carrie finally tore her eyes away from the screen and got up to pour herself another drink. As she walked past one of the windows, there was a rap on the pane of glass and Carrie shrieked, nearly dropping her empty glass. She looked out the window and shook her head in exasperation as she saw Jax's grinning face peering in at her from the fire escape. _

_Carrie opened the window, her friends gathering behind her to see what made the commotion, and Jax climbed in, followed by Opie, Kyle and Tig. _

"_Jesus Christ Jax, you scared the shit out of me," Carrie told him, slapping him lightly on the shoulder as her heart rate returned to normal, "What are you doing here?"_

"_Came to see you," He told her with a grin, planting a kiss on her forehead. She rolled her eyes, trying to contain the grin threatening to betray her. _

"_I have a front door," she reminded him. He shrugged. _

"_I like an adventure," he said, wrapping his arm around her as he led the group back into the living room. _

"_We're having a girl's night," Carrie told him as he took a seat in her recliner, pulling her down onto his lap. Jax glanced at the rest of the group; Opie and Donna were already snuggled together on the couch while the others had congregated in the kitchen. Tig and Kyle had whipped out a bottle of whiskey they had brought while Robin, Becca and Katie stood to the side, eyeing the boys and whispering and giggling to each other. _

"_They don't seem to mind." He told her with a cocky grin, wrapping his arms around her back. _

"_What if I mind?" She asked him matter of factly, still doing her best not to giggle. _

"_Do you?" He asked her with a raised eyebrow. She looked at him, the smile finally breaking out across her face. _

"…_No." She admitted. _

"_Hey Carrie where are your shot glasses!" Tig called from the kitchen as she heard him banging cabinets all over the place. _

"_They're sitting out on the counter by the stove," she replied, rolling her eyes. There was a pause before Tig finally responded. _

"_Oh," he said, causing Robin, Becca, and Katie to burst out into giggles. Tig emerged from the kitchen looking much too pleased with himself as he set out shots for everyone standing around him. _

"_So what are we watching?" Tig asked as he walked back into the living room holding his whiskey in his hand and looking at the screen. _

"_Child's Play," Robin told him with a giggle. Tig's face went white and he looked around the room. _

"_What kind of sickos are you?" he asked, his voice raspy. Carrie laughed as Robin looked at him confused. _

"_What? You don't like scary movies?" she asked him in surprise. _

"_Not one about a crazy doll," he replied with a slight shudder. Carrie cocked an eyebrow as she watched Robin run her fingers up his cut, resting them around Tig's shoulder. _

"_Maybe I can find a way to distract you," she said, taking a sip from the wine glass held in her other hand. Tig raised his eyebrows, eyeing her. _

"_You even old enough to drink that?" he asked, nodding towards the wine. Robin shrugged. _

"_No," she replied, "But I am legal." _

"_That's all I need to know," Tig replied, a grin spreading across his face. _

"_Hey! Not in my bedroom!" Carrie shouted as Tig headed down the hall with Robin, but they both ignored her. Jax pulled Carrie closer to him and she rested her head on his shoulder. _

"_Don't worry Tig hates fucking on a bed. He probably pulled her into the bathroom," Jax said, clearly thinking this would be comforting to her. _

"_Ugh, now I'm gonna have to spend my whole day tomorrow disinfecting the damn bathroom," she bemoaned. She looked around the room where Opie and Donna were now in a full on make out session on the couch and Becca and Katie were each vying for Kyle's attention. _

"_So much for our girl's night," Carrie muttered, settling herself back against Jax. But she couldn't say she was all that disappointed with how the night had turned out._

* * *

**A/N- Thanks so much for reading! We hope you liked this latest chapter - it was a lot of fun for us to write! Please review and let us know what you thought! Thanks! **


	15. Chapter 15

Carrie stood in the kitchen, one hand holding a pan in place on the stove while the other stirred the spaghetti sauce cooking inside. She was so lost in her own thoughts she didn't see Jax walk up behind her and wrap his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. It had been over a week since the shooting and things were finally starting to feel normal again.

"What're you making?" he asked, nuzzling her neck. She laughed, trying in vain to move out of his way.

"Burnt spaghetti sauce if you keep distracting me, Teller," she responded, turning her face slightly so he couldn't see her smile. He grinned as he slowly kissed his way up her neck, his hands firmly planted on her waist.

"Distracting you, huh?" he asked, his fingers dancing over her left rib cage where he knew she was ticklish. She squealed, dropping the spoon on the counter before darting away from his hands.

"You want sauce all over this kitchen?" she asked, making sure she stayed more than an arm's length away from him. He grinned mischievously, shrugging as he gave up and leant back against the counter. She eyed him warily before moving towards him again, allowing him to wrap his arms around her. He leant down to kiss her lightly.

"So I was thinking I should probably crash at the clubhouse tonight," he said. She frowned, looking up at him.

"Why? Did something else happen?" she asked, her heart beat rising rapidly as she envisioned bullets flying. He shook his head quickly.

"No, nothing like that," he said, "I'm just trying to keep up staying at the clubhouse at least once a week."

"I wish you wouldn't," she said, moving her arms to rest around his shoulders. He grinned, shaking his head.

"People are starting to think I live here," he responded. She stepped back from him, turning to the stove and turning it down to allow the sauce to simmer before turning back to him.

"So?" she finally said. He looked questioningly at her and she shrugged, flicking her eyes away to avoid contact with his.

"So?" Jax asked.

"Maybe you should live here," Carrie said slowly, finally turning her eyes back to look at him. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, a slow grin spreading across his face.

"Yeah?" he asked. She nodded, moving back towards him.

"Yeah, I mean, you practically live here anyway. It's not like that much would change," she reminded him. He looked briefly around the kitchen.

"Yeah, except I'd have to get rid of all your girly shit," he said, grinning back at her. She pursed her lips, playfully punching him in the shoulder.

"Hey!" she said, "I don't have that much girly shit." He looked doubtfully down at her.

"You have throw pillows," he told her.

"It's called being an adult," she responded.

"They have ruffles on them," he said. She opened her mouth to respond but closed it quickly before rolling her eyes.

"Fine, the pillows can go," she conceded.

"And your sheets," he said. She crossed her arms across her chest.

"What's wrong with my sheets?" she asked.

"They're pink," he reminded her.

"A very pale pink," she told him. He stared back at her and she sighed.

"Yeah okay we can get new sheets," she said. She shook her head, looking up at him, "I want you to move in here. I want this to be our house." He grinned, taking her in his arms.

"Yeah, okay," he said. She raised her eyebrows in surprise, smiling up at him.

"Really?" she asked. He nodded.

"Really," he responded, kissing her again, "I'll go pick up my stuff from the clubhouse tomorrow."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax took one last look at his now nearly bare dorm room in the clubhouse, the same place he'd been living since he was 17 apart from prison, before flicking off the lights and lifting the last box, carrying into the open room of the clubhouse. Though it was true that he'd been staying at Carrie's more often than not since rekindling their relationship, he knew that making it official was a huge step in their relationship and knew that he wouldn't have jumped into such a huge commitment with anyone else but her.

He had thought that getting into such a serious place in a relationship would have had him running for the hills and he had been as surprised as Carrie at the ease of his acceptance of her offer, but he found himself more excited at the prospect than scared. The fear of losing Carrie had been subtly gnawing at him ever since they got back together, but with her offer came the relief in knowing that she was his for good. She stuck by him after the shoot-out, stuck through it during lock down. And now with this next step, he knew he didn't need to worry about her running off again when things got tough.

"Where are you off to?" Gemma asked as she stepped into the clubhouse, interrupting his thoughts. She eyed the box in his hands warily and he sighed, setting it down on a table as Gemma walked up to him and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"I'm moving in with Carrie," he said. A lifetime of dealing with his mother had taught him that he should treat news she would consider bad like a band aid – the quicker he ripped it off the less time she had to come up with counter arguments and schemes.

"You're doing what?" Gemma asked, taking a step back in surprise. Jax didn't repeat himself; he knew she had heard him the first time. She crossed her arms as she looked at him thoughtfully.

"Get it out, ma," Jax said exasperatedly, "I know you've got shit to say. Just say it." Gemma shook her head, tilting it slightly to the side.

"You don't think it's a little too soon?" she asked, "You've only been back together a couple of months." Jax shrugged.

"No, I don't think it's too soon," he said, "Carrie and I are good. You know she loves me and I really wish you two could get along. You never had any problems with her before."

"Why does everyone keep bringing that up?" Gemma asked, "I never had problems with her before because that was _before_ she broke your heart into about a million pieces." Jax looked firmly back at Gemma, keeping his eyes locked on hers.

"Yeah, because she broke up with me because _I cheated on her,_" Jax reminded her, "And somehow she's found a way to forgive me for that and I don't need my mother causing any more problems for her." Gemma sighed, patting Jax on the cheek.

"Okay, baby," she said, "I'm just looking out for you, you know." Jax rolled his eyes again, picking the box back up from the table.

"Yeah, of course," he responded sardonically as he walked the box out to his truck in the lot. Gemma watched the door shut behind his retreating back before setting her purse down, digging her cell phone out of its depths.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie sat in her office at the day care clicking through a solitaire game on her computer and actively counting down the hours until lunch time. She glanced up as her cell phone started ringing, sighing as she recognized the number and debating whether or not to answer. She finally gave in and picked the phone up, placing it to her ear.

"Hello," she said dully.

"I thought for a second there you weren't going to answer," Gemma's voice said through the phone.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Carrie responded, "What can I do for you, Gemma?"

"I just wanted to invite you to lunch," Gemma said, "My treat." Carrie rolled her eyes, knowing the timing of this phone call could not be a coincidence. Jax had told her he'd be clearing out the rest of his things from the clubhouse that morning.

"Sure thing," Carrie replied slightly reluctantly, suddenly no longer looking forward to her lunch break.

"Wonderful," Gemma replied, "I'll see you at Vinnie's around noon?"

"See you then," Carrie said, hanging the phone up and placing it back on her desk. She eyed it carefully, wondering whether or not to call Jax and let him know, but finally decided not to. He'd just get pissed off and it wouldn't do her any good to have him angry at his mother over her. She was going to have to find some way to get along with Gemma without letting her run her entire life.

At a quarter til, she stepped out of her office, locking it behind her and headed towards the front of the day care. Donna glanced up from her perch at the reception desk and smiled at her.

"Going to lunch?" she asked. Carrie nodded.

"With Gemma," she replied. Donna looked at her apologetically and Carrie laughed, "Wish me luck!" She called as she slipped her sunglasses on and stepped through the front doors.

She pulled up to Vinnie's several minutes early and was not surprised to see Gemma's Cadillac already parked out front. She walked into the small Italian restaurant and headed towards Gemma after spotting her sitting in a booth in the corner. Gemma smiled warmly at her as she approached and Carrie had to shut down the fight or flight instinct that immediately rose up inside of her as she slid into the booth.

"So how was your morning?" Gemma asked pleasantly and Carrie raised her eyebrows but decided to play along with 'nice Gemma.'

"Great," she said, "No incidents." Gemma nodded.

"Glad to hear it," she said, "I was so happy for you when Jax told me you'd taken over the day care. It's quite a responsibility." Carrie nodded as she opened the menu in front of her, studying it closely.

"Yeah, it is," she agreed.

"It must take up a lot of your time," Gemma continued. Carrie shrugged.

"No more than any other 9 to 5, really," she responded, "I'm usually only really busy at the start of the new school year, when parents are enrolling new kids. Lotta paperwork." Gemma nodded.

"Well that's good," she replied. Carrie finally closed her menu, looking across at Gemma.

"I know you didn't invite me out to lunch just to ask me how my day's going," she finally said. Gemma looked across at her for a moment before finally giving her a brief nod.

"It seems like Jax is getting really serious about you," Gemma said, "He told me you're moving in together."

"And what? You don't think I'm serious about him?" Carrie asked, trying to keep her tone from becoming defensive. Gemma looked across at her, unblinking.

"Are you?" she asked.

"I've never exaggerated my feelings for Jax," Carrie said, "He's the only man I've ever loved and I've been in love with him for nearly 10 years. That's never changed and it's never going to change. It was _my _idea for him to move in with me in the first place."

"I know you love him, Carrie," Gemma responded, "I've never questioned that. I just don't want to see history repeating itself. What if he goes to jail again? What are you going to do then?" Carrie sighed, rolling her eyes to the ceiling before looking back at Gemma.

"I can't sit here and assure you that Jax and I are going to be together forever," Carrie finally said, "No one can. All I can tell you is what I want right now, and what I want is for Jax and I to never be apart again. I tried to find someone to move on with when Jax went to jail. It didn't work because no matter how hard I tried to believe otherwise, I was in love with him. So if he goes again, well, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But that's not something Jax and I are worried about right now so I really don't think you should be worried about it, either."

"Jax has never been able to see things clearly when it came to you," Gemma replied easily, "I'm just looking out for him."

"That's what love is, Gemma. Don't you see?" Carrie implored, "We're going to mess up, we're going to make stupid decisions because both of our heads are clouded when it comes to each other. But having you constantly over our heads, doubting that we can make it this time around – that's not good for anybody. I want you to be on my side, Gemma. I don't want to have you as an enemy. Frankly, that's a terrifying thought. But I'm not going anywhere." Gemma lips twisted into a small smile as she looked across the table at Carrie, finally nodding her head slightly.

"Okay," she said. Carrie raised her eyebrows slightly, looking warily across at her.

"Okay?" she asked in surprise. Gemma nodded.

"Yes, okay," she said, "Move in together. You won't hear another word about it from me. Even if I do think it's way too soon." Carrie laughed slightly, nodding her head.

"Okay," she said with relief, "Good."

"Good," Gemma responded, "Are you ready to order?"

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie pulled back into the parking lot at the day care, her mind still reeling over her lunch with Gemma. She'd known the woman for a long time and very little would shock her about her, but she still couldn't help lamenting over the fact that the man she fell in love with would have a mother as interfering as Gemma. She tried picturing her own mother, who by all accounts could be extremely overbearing, having a similar solo lunch with Jax and she couldn't even see it.

She stepped out of her car, glancing up to see Neeta outside on the playground with her class. She grinned as she changed direction, heading towards the playground instead of the front door of the day care. She opened the gate of the playground and stepped through, careful to close it behind her, before taking a seat next to Neeta on the bench. Neeta glanced over at her, smiling.

"Just back from lunch?" Neeta guessed. Carrie nodded.

"With _Gemma_," she said. Neeta grinned, nodding knowingly.

"And how did that go?" she asked. Carrie shook her head.

"Jax and I decided to move in together," Carrie said by way of explanation. Neeta gave her a silent 'Oh' as she nodded.

"She started grilling me about how serious our relationship is, what I'd do if Jax went back to jail, etcetera etcetera," Carrie said. Neeta nodded, leaning back in her seat as she kept a watchful eye on the children running around the playground.

"You know I've been working with kids since I was 13 years old," Neeta told her, "Grew up taking care of my brother and sister, then started taking nanny positions soon as I turned 18. Musta worked with at least 4 or 5 differently families with all sorta different kids before Jax and Thomas. Practically raised some of 'em, including those boys. But I will still never forget my first interview with that woman." Carrie grinned, trying to imagine the two most no-nonsense women she knew in a situation like that.

"Oh yeah?" Carrie asked, "And how did that go?" Neeta laughed at the memory, shaking her head.

"I like to call it the Gemma Inquisition," Neeta said and Carrie laughed, "That interview musta lasted 2, maybe 3 hours. Just her throwing every question in the book at me, and then some. And I was just wiping the kid's ass, right? What's she gonna do to the girl who stole her boy's heart?" Carrie laughed, shaking her head.

"I guess you make a good point," Carrie said, shrugging.

"Gemma's heart is in the right place," Neeta continued, "But she loves Jax more than any other person on this planet and she's the mama bear. She knows somewhere deep down that Jax is more than capable of taking care of himself, but she's already lost one son. She's been fiercely protective of that boy his whole life, and then it only got worse after poor Thomas. So don't think she's attacking you personally. She's just doing what she thinks is her due diligence when it comes to her son." Carrie leaned back on the bench, Neeta's words turning over in her mind. She finally turned back to Neeta.

"You should have a talk show, you know that?" she asked.

"Preachin' to the choir, child," Neeta responded, turning back to watching the kids on the playground, "But Oprah already cornered the market on fierce black women." Carrie chuckled, shaking her head.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Tommy pulled into the Tritans' compound, nestled away on 10 acres of land just outside the Sacramento city limits. He rolled his window down at the gate, reaching out to type in the 6 digit code and waited for the gate to swing open before pulling through. Tommy drove past two buildings, one a small warehouse used for storing supplies and product and another used as guest lodging, before pulling up to the third and final building on the compound – a sprawling two story house that Rob had turned into his home-away-from-home since coming to California.

Tommy stepped out of the SUV and walked up to the front door, using his key to get in. He walked through the impeccably decorated foyer, shaking his head at Rob's ostentatiousness as he always did. He walk up to Rob's study, the French doors wide open, to see Rob standing, bent over his desk flipping through a stack of papers. He glanced up when Tommy walked in, nodding at him in greeting.

"So your plan didn't exactly take off like we were expecting it to," Tommy said as he flopped into a chair in front of the desk. Rob ran his hand through his hair, taking the chair behind the desk as he looked across at Tommy.

"You get right to the point, don't you, son?" Rob asked, a wry grin on his face. Tommy stared bleakly across at him, shrugging slightly.

"I think it's time to start looking at other options besides SAMCRO," Tommy said, bending over and resting his forearms on his knees, "We've never needed anybody but ourselves – we don't _need_ SAMCRO to do this." Rob shook his head slightly looking patronizingly back at Tommy.

"We've never needed anybody else because up to this point we've kept our business small and fairly localized," Rob said, "The network and connections that the Sons of Anarchy already has built would allow us to expand so much further, and SAMCRO is the key to getting that. You know this."

"Yeah, I know. All I'm saying is, they're clearly not biting. And the Sons started off slow themselves. We could build up the Tritans, just like they've built their club," Tommy pressed on.

"It's taken them 30 years to get as widespread as they are," Rob replied, "I don't have 30 years to build this." Tommy sighed, looking unconvinced and Rob gazed back at him thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair as he drummed his fingers on his desk.

"When you first came to the Tritans, I took to you immediately," Rob told him, "Do you know why?" Tommy shook his head, his eyebrows raised slightly.

"Because you reminded me so much of myself. Your situation with your brother was like déjà vu to me. Just like Judge and I. We may not be blood, but Judge is the closest thing I've ever had to a brother. Grew up together in foster care," Rob mused and Tommy looked on with interest.

"Tell me, why did you decide to drop out of prospecting for SAMVAN with your brother?" Rob asked. Tommy shrugged.

"Decided it wasn't for me," Tommy said, "Shawn was all about the thought of having a second family. I never cared about that. I hated doing all the grunt work for nothing while the members were pulling in piles of cash. When I saw the Tritans come around, some younger than me and already earning big, it was kind of a no-brainer." Rob chuckled slightly to himself, nodding.

"Exactly," Rob said, "See, you and I have similar ideals, similar backgrounds. That's why I knew I wanted you as my number 2 – because I knew that you'd agree with me that the only important thing is our bottom line. We have an opportunity to increase that ten, maybe twenty-fold. I _thought_ you were the perfect person to help me get there." Tommy frowned, slightly insulted as he sat up straighter in his chair.

"I am," he said, "And it's my opinion that the best way to do that is look outside of SAMCRO. I mean, we shoot up their house to instigate a war with Darby and they, what? Blow up a single meth lab in retaliation? It did nothing. Darby's already rebuilding, and he has at least 5 more around the area still in production."

"That's because it wasn't a personal enough attack," Rob said, "I know how these guys think. They're like Judge, fuckin' bleedin' hearts stuffed in an outlaw biker costume. We want to really get to them, we need to go after something a little more cherished." Tommy looked at him doubtfully.

"What could be more personal than an attack at their home where their families all are?" Tommy asked. Rob shook his head.

"No, you're lookin' at it wrong. At the end of the day, what was the outcome of the shooting? Some boarded up windows and everyone a little shaken up, on their toes for a few days. No lasting damage."

"So we what? Go and actually kill somebody?" Tommy asked dubiously.

"Not unless we are very unfortunate," Rob said, "But our next move will definitely have lasting consequences. We need to go after their weakest spots and make sure that this time, the damage lasts long enough to really set them off. But I need to know right now – are you in… or are you out?" Tommy looked hesitatingly back at Rob before the dollar signs flashed in his eyes and he grinned.

"Yeah, okay, I'm in. Now what do you have in mind?"

* * *

**AN - we hope you all liked this chapter! Please please review and let us know what you think! **


	16. Chapter 16

Jax leaned against the car he was working on, lighting a cigarette as he took a short break from his mechanic duties at Teller-Morrow. He smiled as a few kids called back and forth to each other as they rode their bikes past TM, a rare feeling of envy and nostalgia coming across him as he watched them. It didn't get much better as a kid than a Saturday afternoon in Charming, when you didn't have a care in the world, the sun was always shining, and the temperature held at a near constant 75 degrees. Opie walked towards him, tossing a dirty rag that landed on Jax's face, breaking him from his reverie.

"Hey asshole," Jax said, tossing the rag to the ground. Opie grinned.

"What time you gettin' out of here?" he asked.

"Couple hours," Jax responded.

"Yeah, me too," Opie said. He leaned against the car next to Jax, glancing around him to check that they were alone before looking over at Jax.

"So I was thinking…" he began. Jax grinned.

"That's dangerous," he joked, but Opie ignored him.

"You think it's weird Darby never retaliated about the lab?" he continued, "It's been what? Two weeks?" Jax shrugged.

"It's probably like Clay said – he figured the damn thing blew up on its own," he replied, "It happens." Opie nodded, looking unconvinced.

"Something on your mind?" Jax asked.

"Yeah," Opie replied, "I started thinking about it, and the thing that makes the most sense is that Darby didn't retaliate because he didn't know it was us. And the only reason he wouldn't have known is if…"

"If it wasn't him that ordered the drive-by," Jax finished his sentence for him. Opie nodded.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Or maybe he just hasn't hit yet," Jax said, "I think Clay might have taken us off lock down too soon. If it was up to me, I'd have kept Carrie locked up here until we knew the storm had passed." Opie chuckled, shaking his head.

"Yeah, I could see Carrie going along with that real well," he said sarcastically and Jax shrugged, flicking his cigarette to the ground.

"Yeah, well, I'd tie her to a chair if I had too," he said, "I just can't shake the feeling that this isn't over. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop." Opie shrugged.

"Well when it does, we'll be ready," he said.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Gemma pulled her Cadillac into the drive way of her house, squinting in the afternoon sun as she stepped out of her car and slid her sunglasses on top of her head. She walked to the back of the car, opening the trunk and pulling out several bags of groceries. She frowned, realizing she was going to have to make two trips, and left the trunk open before hauling the groceries up to the back door. She fumbled with the key as she let herself in and set the bags on the counter, not noticing the two men dressed all in black, their faces obscured by ski masks, who followed her into the house.

Before she could turn around to walk back outside, one of the men grabbed her from behind. A shrill scream echoed around the room as she struggled against him, but he had his arms wrapped firmly around her. Her eyes widened as she watched the second man step in front of her and suddenly it seemed as if everything was happening in slow motion. He held out his hand, a rag held firmly in his fist, and her eyes followed it as he pressed the rag against her face.

Gemma held her breath, struggling against her captor, until she could fight no longer and everything went black.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

"Is this stirred good, mommy?" Ellie asked as she bent over a large bowl of cake mix, a wooden spoon held loosely in her hand. Donna lifted her head to see that the cake mix had not stayed in the bowl, but had also managed to spread itself across Ellie's cheeks, t-shirt, and even her hair. She chuckled, walking over to help her, and nodded.

"That looks amazing," Donna said, trying not to cringe at all the lumps still present in the batter. Ellie beamed at her.

"I'm the best at stirring," she pronounced and Donna nodded, running her fingers through Ellie's hair and smiling. Ellie had recently decided that she was the best at everything.

"Yes, you are," she agreed.

"And Kenny's not gonna get any cupcakes because he's sleeping," Ellie said. Donna shook her head.

"No, Kenny can have a cupcake when he wakes up from his nap," she said, "We need to share, right?" Ellie shrugged noncommittally.

"I guess so," she relented. Donna laughed, grabbing a rag off the counter to wipe the batter off of Ellie's face as she heard a window break. She jerked her head up, her eyes widening as she saw the shadows of two men through the window. She struggled to keep herself from panicking, concentrating on the only thing that was important at that moment – keeping Ellie and Kenny safe. Her mind flew through a million scenarios at once – each one as impossible as the next. She would have enough time to run through the back door with Ellie, but that would mean leaving Kenny behind. Not an option.

She looked wildly around the kitchen, grabbing the largest knife out of the block before bending down to Ellie's level.

"We're going to play hide and seek now, okay?" she said, trying to keep her voice calm. Ellie looked at her confused.

"But I thought we were making cupcakes," Ellie said. Donna shook her head.

"Nope, now we're playing hide and seek because you're the best hider, aren't you?" she said. Ellie nodded proudly and Donna took a deep breath, "Okay, so you go hide and no matter what, don't come out until I tell you you've won. I might try to trick you into coming out by yelling, but it's just a trick. You stay hidden or else you're going to lose the game, understand?" Ellie nodded and panic swept through her body as the door kicked open and all she could do was pray that they were here for her and not for her kids.

"Hide now!" she screamed and Ellie ran down the hall as two men dressed all in black with ski masks pulled over their heads burst into the kitchen. Donna held the knife out as they ambushed her. She managed to get a shallow cut into one of them before they grabbed her hand, bending it back until she dropped the knife. She struggled out of their grasp but they just held onto her tighter.

The last thing she saw was a rag moving towards her face and after several moments everything went black.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie lounged on the couch, absent mindedly flipping through channels before she sighed, settling on some after-school special on Lifetime about a pill-popping mom. That was the one bad thing about Saturday afternoons – nothing good was ever on TV. She glanced at the clock, trying to remember what time Jax said he'd be home and moved to reach for her phone before deciding against calling him. It had been a little over a week since they had officially begun their cohabitation and she was realizing how much more empty the house seemed now when he wasn't there.

She sat up straight as her door was kicked open and two men dressed all in black and wearing ski masks ran into the living room, heading straight towards her. Before she could even process what was happening, she was already on her feet, trying to run to the kitchen where there was a back door. Before she could make it more than a few yards, however, one of them grabbed her. She struggled against his grasp, trying to kick and elbow him as hard as she could, but he never relinquished. Up to this point, she had been running entirely on adrenaline and instinct, but panic began settling in as she second intruder stepped into her line of sight.

"I'm extremely sorry about this," he said, his tone verging on gleeful, as he lifted a rag, pressing it against her face. Her eyes widened as she stared into the man's blue eyes, peering at her through the ski mask. His face began to look distorted and her sense of hearing seemed to shut down. She knew she was only moments away from losing consciousness. She held her breath for as long as she could but eventually she had to inhale.

Her last thought was of Jax's safety before everything went black.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Luann pulled her convertible into Gemma's driveway, flicking the visor down to check herself in the mirror quickly before stepping out of the car. She frowned as she took a sidelong glance at Gemma's car, the trunk still wide open. She peered in the trunk to see several bags of groceries sitting in there before looking at the open back door.

"Gemma!" Luann called as she grabbed the rest of the bags to carry inside, "Gemma, did you just get back from the store?" She heard rustling coming from inside the house and she stepped through the open door to see two figures dressed all in black darting through the house before running out the front door. Luann stopped in her tracks as she noticed what they'd left behind – Gemma, a crumpled bleeding mess on the floor.

"Holy shit!" Luann yelled, the bags of groceries tumbling out of her hands as she rushed to kneel by her friend, "Gemma! Can you hear me!?" Luann shook Gemma, attempting to wake her, but she barely stirred. She could tell that the majority of the blood flow was coming from her arm so she ran to get a wash cloth and applied pressure, attempting to stop the bleeding.

"Holy shit," Luann repeated. She patted Gemma on the cheeks and leaned down to within inches of her face, "GEMMA! WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Gemma groaned, her eyes slowly opening as Luann breathed a sigh of relief and helped her sit up, making sure to keep the wash cloth, already soaked in blood, firmly pressed against Gemma's arm. Gemma leaned against the countertops groggily, looking extremely disoriented. She held her free hand to her head, gazing at Luann until her eyes finally appeared to focus on her.

"What happened?" Gemma asked croakily.

"You tell me!" Luann said. Gemma shook her head.

"I just remember… two guys… knocked me out… chloroform I think," Gemma said, trying to piece together the memory. Luann shook her head.

"We need to get you to St. Thomas," she said. Gemma shook her head.

"No, I'm alright," she responded, "Take me to the clubhouse." Luann frowned, looking at Gemma.

"Gemma…" Luann said warningly, but Gemma cut her off.

"The clubhouse, Luann," she said firmly. Luann sighed and stood up, helping Gemma out of the house and to her car. Luann broke every traffic law the city of Charming had in place until she finally careened into the parking lot of Teller-Morrow. She ran around the car to help Gemma out and walked her into the clubhouse, which was fairly full for a Saturday afternoon.

"Where's Clay!?" Luann hollered anxiously as they walked through the door. Tig and Chibs stood as soon as the spotted Gemma, worry flashing across their faces.

"Shit, Gemma, what happened?" Tig asked. Gemma swallowed hard, shaking her head.

"Clay," she responded. Tig nodded.

"Yeah, baby, he's back here, I'll grab him," Tig said, exchanging glances with Chibs before running to get Clay. Chibs helped Luann lead Gemma to the couches before removing the rag from Gemma's arm to take a look at the wound. Thankfully, it looked like the blood had stopped flowing. He glanced up at Luann as he wiped the blood from Gemma's arm.

"You know what happened?" he asked. Luann shook her head.

"She said two guys came in and knocked her out with chloroform. I got there, I think I interrupted them 'cause I saw them running out the front door as I came in the back. No clue who they were or what they were doing. They wore gloves and ski masks," Luann explained. Chibs nodded, glancing down at the mess that was Gemma's arm and frowning as he noticed words appearing on her skin as he wiped the blood away. It was as if whoever had done this had carved a message in her arm, but it was still too messy to read what it said.

"I'm gonna get some stuff to clean this up," he told Gemma. She looked back at him, nodding slightly, as Chibs stood and rushed to grab the first aid kit. He returned quickly, kneeling down and cleaning the rest of the blood away, squinting as he tried to make out the words on her arm.

"Gemma!?" Clay's voice, filled with worry, rang out over the clubhouse as he ran up to her, Clay and Jax close behind him.

"What the fuck?" Jax spat as he took in the sight of his mother's bloody arm. Luann relayed the tale once more to them and Jax and Opie exchanged glances before they each dug their prepays out of their pockets and dialed their homes numbers.

"Shit!" Jax yelled as the phone went to voicemail. He immediately hit redial, looking over at Opie who shook his head, looking angry.

"Donna's not answering," Opie said in frustration, gazing back at Jax as the same thought ran through both of their minds: the other shoe had finally dropped.

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Chris's Harley rumbled to a stop in Carrie's driveway and he kicked the stand down before hopping off of it, unsnapping his helmet as he walked to the front door. He immediately stopped in his tracks as he gazed at her front door and the huge Anarchy symbol drawn across it in what appeared to be red paint, a large slash drawn across the symbol.

"The hell?" Chris muttered to himself, his eyebrows creasing in worry as he slowly opened the front door and peered his head around it, scanning the room in front of him. His eyes alighted on Carrie's form, crumpled and bleeding profusely in a corner by the back of the couch and he shoved the door the rest of the way open, rushing to her side.

"Carrie!" he yelled, coming to kneel beside her. He looked all over her body before realizing that the blood was all coming from her forearm. He shook her, leaning over her, trying to wake her up.

"Carrie! Carrie, can you hear me!?" he called desperately, squeezing her arm to try to stop the blood as he looked around for something to use. He found one of Jax's tshirts lying on the couch and grabbed it, wrapping it around her arm as he heard her cell phone go off. He looked around and saw it lying on the coffee table and he felt his jaw tighten as he saw Jax's name flash across the caller ID.

"What the fuck did you do!?" Chris screamed into the phone as soon as he had answered.

"What are you talking about?" Jax asked, controlled panic evident in his voice.

"I'm talking about my fucking sister lying on her floor in a pool of her own blood with a goddamn ANARCHY symbol drawn on her fucking door!" Chris screamed.

"Shit," Jax hissed, "Is she okay?"

"I don't fucking know! She's not waking up!" Chris retorted, his voice filled with panic.

"Okay hold on, we'll be there in 5 minutes. Just wait for us," Jax said.

"Fuck that, no way am I waiting!" Chris responded angrily, "I'm calling a fucking ambulance!"

"Okay, call an ambulance!" Jax said in exasperation, "I'm heading your way now."

"You stay away from my sister!" Chris yelled into the phone before hanging it up and immediately dialing 911.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Donna groaned as she struggled to open her eyes. It felt like her eyelids were being held down by anvils. She slowly sat up, feeling extremely disoriented as she leaned against the counter in the kitchen, trying to remember what had happened. She felt a throbbing pain in her arm and glanced down to see blood pouring from her forearm. Immediately, her chest tightened and she had a difficult time taking a breath as the memory suddenly flooded her.

"Ellie!" she gasped, "Kenny!" She could hear Kenny crying from his room in the back and relief flooded her. He was still there. He was still alive. Her hand fumbled for the counter tops as she slowly pulled herself up from the floor. She grabbed a rag off the counter as she stumbled towards the living room.

"Ellie!" she called desperately, "Ellie, baby, you win! You can come out!" When Ellie still didn't emerge, fear gripped her and panic began to flood her system, threatening to overwhelm her. She jumped back in fear as she heard her door being shoved open and immediately began screaming, clutching her wounded arm against her chest as she cowered against the wall until she realized it was Opie, followed by Bobby and Tig.

"Opie," she breathed in relief as he rushed to her side, pulling her against him protectively.

"Jesus Christ," Opie muttered, looking down at her, "Are you okay?" Donna shook her head furiously.

"Ellie! Opie I don't know where she is! I told her to hide when I saw them coming but she's not coming out!" she said anxiously. Opie clutched her tighter to him, glancing at Bobby and Tig.

"Bobby, will you go find Ellie?" Opie told him.

"I can find her," Tig offered.

"She's terrified of you," Opie reminded him. When Tig continued to look confused he added, "Ever since you tore the damn heads off her dolls."

"I'll look for her," Bobby interrupted before Tig could reply, hurrying down the hallway and yelling Ellie's name.

"Call an ambulance," Opie said to Tig as he looked down at his wife's bloody arm, fury racing through his veins the longer he stood there.

"I found her!" Bobby called from down the hall and Opie felt Donna collapse into his arms in relief. Opie closed his eyes briefly, trying to clutch on to the tiny bit of sanity still left inside his head as Ellie ran down the hall and wrapped her arms around his legs, the sound of sirens approaching vibrating through the air.

"Did you see the door?" Bobby asked quietly. Opie nodded, glancing at the still wide open door, the anarchy symbol painted in red on it with a slash through it.

"We need to get it cleaned off before paramedics get here," he replied, looking across the room at Tig who nodded and ran to get a paper towel.

"You think this is Darby?" Opie asked Bobby, Donna's shivering form still clutched against him, her head buried in his chest. Bobby shrugged, shaking his head slowly.

"I don't know what to think anymore," he replied as paramedics rushed into the house.

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**AN - We really hope you liked this chapter! PLEASE review and let us know what you think! **


	17. Chapter 17

Jax had always prided himself on his ability to keep a level head in hard times. Where Clay could be quick to action, Jax had always been able to take a step back and think things through methodically, always taking time to come up with the best solution. Now, however, his entire mind and body had been taken over by a level of panic hitherto unknown to him. As he sped through the streets of Charming, Juice and Chibs close behind him, the 5 minute ride to his house seemed to take hours and all he could think about was Carrie's welfare. The sound of sirens ringing through the air was nothing but background noise to the chaotic buzzing inside his own head.

He sped into Carrie's driveway, practically knocking his bike down in his haste to get in the front door. He stopped dead in his tracks before making it up the steps to her front door as he saw the large Anarchy symbol painted on it, a line slashed through it. He turned to Juice and Chibs.

"You need to get that cleaned off before the paramedics get here," he told them before turning to walk up the steps. Before he could make it to the door, however, Chris stormed outside, a vicious expression on his face.

"This all happened because of you!" Chris bellowed at him, "I'm not letting you anywhere near my sister!" It took every ounce of control Jax had left in his body not to barrel through Chris to get inside to Carrie.

"I didn't do this!" Jax yelled at him, barely noticing Juice and Chibs running around them and inside the house to get something to clean the door off.

"Maybe not directly," Chris said, "But this is your fault." Jax grit his teeth, shaking his head and shoving Chris out of his way before running into the house. He didn't have time to stand there and argue with him.

He saw Carrie lying behind the couch, blood covering her. Jax felt his face crumple at the sight before kneeling beside her. Chris had wrapped a t-shirt around Carrie's arm in a makeshift tourniquet, and as angry as Jax was at Chris at the moment, he was suddenly extremely grateful that he had been here. Jax didn't even notice the paramedics arrive until one pushed him to the side to get to Carrie. He stood as the paramedics placed her on a stretcher and her eyes began to open, looking hazy and unfocused.

"Jax," he heard her moan and he ran beside the stretcher as they headed towards the ambulance, grasping Carrie's hand in his.

"I'm here," he said, looking down at her.

"Don't leave me," she whispered, and for the first time in a long time he felt tears brim his eyes. He was forced to let go when the paramedics loaded her into the ambulance. He waited impatiently, with every intention of riding along with them, but before Jax could jump in behind them Chris had taken his place.

"Chris!" Jax shouted as the doors of the ambulance shut in front of him. He could hear Carrie yelling his name from inside and all he wanted to do was pummel her little brother.

"Let's go!" Jax yelled to Juice and Chibs, who had been standing on the porch out of the way. They immediately ran towards their bikes and followed the ambulance to St. Thomas.

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Jax paced the floor of the waiting room at the hospital, running his hands through his hair agitatedly while Juice and Chibs sat quietly in their seats, their heads in their hands. Jax glanced up as Opie, Tig, and Bobby walked into the waiting room and he looked at Opie expectantly.

"Doc says Donna's gonna be fine," he said, the relief evident in his voice, "Have you heard anything about Carrie?" Jax shook his head, resuming his pacing.

"Carrie Sullivan?" Jax's head jerked up as he watched a doctor step into the waiting room, looking around. He walked briskly up to him, nodding his head.

"Is she okay?" he asked. The doctor nodded.

"She'll be fine," he said, "I'm Dr. Tyler, her attending. She lost quite a bit of blood, but she's lucky. Another couple of hours and she might have bled to death. We've got her on fluids now as well as some pain killers. We'd like to keep her for observation for a while, but she should be able to go home tonight." Jax collapsed into a nearby chair in relief, holding his head in his hands as his heart rate began to return to normal. He finally looked up at the doctor.

"Thank you," he said, "When can we see her?"

"You can go now, but I'd ask no more than 1 or 2 at a time," he said, glancing around at the packed room, "Before you go, I thought I'd let you know that we had to alert the police to the attacks on Carrie and Ms. Winston as well." Jax nodded, telling himself he'd have a talk with Unser later, as the doctor turned and walked out of the room.

"I'm gonna go see her," he announced to no one in particular before bracing himself to walk down the hall. He had no idea what state she'd be in, and he hated to admit it but he was terrified that she was going to come to the same conclusion as her brother: that this happened to her because of him and she wouldn't want to deal with the danger anymore. It was a fear that had constantly nagged at him ever since they had gotten back together, but with the prospect of it coming true staring him in the face, he was having a hard time facing it.

He was halfway down the hall when he saw her door open and Chris emerge. As soon as he saw Jax, the anger returned to Chris' face and Jax sighed, shaking his head. He understood the kid's anger, but it was the last thing he needed at the moment.

"This is not my fault," Jax said before Chris opened his mouth, "I know you're upset, we all are, but placing blame isn't helping anyone."

"If it weren't for you, if you weren't with my sister, this would never have happened to her," Chris responded, "So you tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night, but we both know why this happened and whose fault it is."

"That's enough, Chris," Jax said, once again feeling like he was on the verge of losing control. He took a step towards Chris, closing in on his personal space, "You need to watch what you say to me." Chris narrowed his eyes, glaring at him.

"I'm not afraid of you, Jax," Chris said.

"I'm not asking you to be afraid of me," Jax said, his voice low, "I'm asking you to remember who you're talking to. We're going to fix this. You need to trust me." Chris scoffed, shaking his head, his arms crossed across his chest.

"That's all I've ever done, Jax," he said, "Trust you. Trust that you would take care of my sister. And I really believed that you would. But now I see how it is. You go out with your boys and do whatever it is that you guys do, and it's Carrie that gets shit on. Over and over. I should have listened to her when she told me, when you went to jail. But I was in your corner. I always wanted her to get back together with you, and I was wrong. So I guess it's my fault, too. But if you really cared about her, you'd stay away from her before you get her killed."

"Where is she!?" Jax turned to see Carrie's parents rushing into the hospital, her mom looking frantic as she ran up to Chris. Chris took one last glance at Jax before walking over to his parents, who pulled him tightly into them.

"She's fine," Jax heard Chris reassuring them.

"What happened?" George asked, his voice weary as he took a step back.

"Apparently there was a break in. The police are already on it," he said, glancing quickly at Jax. Jax gave him a small nod, thankful that whatever Chris had said, he still cared enough to cover for him.

"Where's her doctor?" Helen asked, her voice still frantic, "I want to speak with him." Jax watched them run off to find the doctor before turning around and walking into Carrie's room. He stood tentatively in the doorway, unsure if he was going to be a welcomed visitor or not. She turned her head when she heard the door open, looking weary, but the small smile and the look of relief that washed over her face at seeing him took all of his fears away.

"Jax," she said, holding out her free hand to him. He strode quickly across the room to her, grasping her hand in his. Her other arm, he noticed, was bandaged up to the elbow with an IV running off of it.

"How you feeling?" he asked standing over her, softly brushing the hair away from her face.

"Better now that you're here," she said, "I'm sorry about Chris. I know he's acting a little crazy right now." Jax nodded, taking a seat in the chair next to her bed, his hand never leaving hers.

"I'm just relieved you're okay," he said. She gave him a small smile and nodded.

"I'll be fine," she said, "I heard the same thing happened to Donna and Gemma. Are they okay?" Jax nodded.

"Gemma's fine. Luann interrupted them so she got off easier. And the doctors said Donna's going to be okay," he reassured her. Carrie nodded, leaning her head back on her pillow and looking relieved. She finally looked at Jax, worry back in her eyes.

"Did… did the doctors tells you about the message?" Carrie asked. Jax's brow furrowed as he shook his head.

"What message?" he asked.

"On my arm," she replied, motioning to the bandages covering her forearm.

"On your-? No," he said slowly, anger coursing through his body once again as he tried to control it for Carrie's sake, "Are you telling me they carved a fucking message on your arm? That's what this whole thing was?" Carrie nodded, biting her lip nervously. Jax took a deep breath, knowing Carrie needed him to keep calm.

"What does it say?" he asked trying to keep his voice low and even but unable to hide the wrath within it.

"Death to SOA," Carrie whispered, her eyes searching his expression. His eyes widened, his nostrils flaring in fury as he stood from his seat next to her bed and began pacing the room. He took a deep breath, finally slamming his hand against the wall, allowing his anger to overtake him for a second.

"Jax," Carrie said imploringly, "Jax, come here." Jax turned back to look at her, her arm outstretched towards him once again and he walked back over to her, clutching her hand in his as he bent over her, cupping her face in his hand.

"I'm so sorry, Carrie," he whispered, feeling on the verge of tears. Carrie shook her head.

"It's not your fault," she insisted and he shook his head, beginning to feel like Chris was right.

"I'm gonna make this right," he told her and she nodded.

"I know you will," she said.

"Is there anything you can tell me about them? Did you get a look at them at all?" he asked. She shook her head.

"They were wearing ski masks," she said lamentingly, "I can tell you they were white."

"Anything else?" Jax prodded. She closed her eyes as if trying to recall the event and shivered, nodding slowly.

"One of them had blue eyes," she said. She glanced up at Jax, her eyes wide, "I will never forget those eyes." Jax nodded.

"Alright, well you think of anything else you let me know. Unser's probably going to be in to question you. Don't worry about it, I'll deal with him. You just tell him you don't remember anything," he said. Carrie nodded as the door opened once again and Carrie's parents stepped through. Jax looked back at Carrie, kissing her softly.

"I love you," he whispered. She smiled at him.

"I love you," she said before Jax turned and walked out the door, nodding briefly at her parents before closing the door behind him.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax sat next to Carrie's bed several hours later, clutching her hand and refusing her each time she told him he should go home. Finally the doctor walked in, picking up her chart and glancing at it. He walked over to Carrie's bedside, checking her over closely and looking over the monitor next to her before giving her a small nod.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and Carrie nodded.

"Fine," she responded, "My arm hurts a little, but other than that…" The doctor nodded, scribbling something on her chart.

"Well it looks like we can discharge you. I'll give you a prescription for something to help you manage the pain as well as instructions on taking care of your arm. If it ever looks like it's starting to get infected or the pain gets worse, I want you to come back right away, okay?" he asked. She nodded, smiling broadly at the news that she'd be able to leave.

"Okay," she promised, glancing at Jax and smiling.

"I'll be right back with your papers," the doctor said before turning and walking out of the room. Carrie sighed, smiling.

"I want you to come stay at the clubhouse for a few days," Jax told her.

"Absolutely not," he heard someone say from the door. They both looked over and saw Carrie's parents standing there, her mother standing with her arms crossed.

"She'll be coming home with us," Helen said snippily.

"Mom, I'm going with Jax," Carrie told her firmly. Helen frowned, looking agitatedly at her daughter.

"But Carrie-" she started, before Carrie interrupted her.

"No, mom. I'm not 16. You don't get to make that decision for me. I'm going with Jax," she said, "And I'm not arguing with you about it anymore." Helen sighed in exasperation but made no move to argue further. Dr. Tyler finally came back with the discharge papers and handed them to Carrie to sign before helping her into a wheelchair.

"You know it's my arm that was hurt, not my damn legs," Carrie grumbled as Jax pushed her out of the room, Helen and George following close behind.

"Rules are rules," Jax told her and Carrie snorted at the irony of that coming from Jax.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

"Okay, you need anything else?" Jax asked as Carrie got settled into his bed at the clubhouse. She shook her head, patting the bed next to her and he sat down, brushing his fingertips down her cheek.

"Do you know who did this?" she asked. Jax gave her a small smile, shaking his head.

"I don't want you worrying about that, okay?" he said, "You're safe here. We'll figure it out and while we're doing that, you need to get some sleep." Carrie sighed, nodding, before reaching out a hand and clutching his arm.

"I need you to be honest with me about this, Jax," she told him seriously, "When you figure out who this was, you need to tell me." He paused briefly, looking down at her, before finally nodding.

"I promise," he said, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead. He set the bottle of pain meds on the bedside table before standing up.

"Now get some rest," he told her, taking one last look at her before walking out of the door. He strode purposefully to the chapel, glad to see everyone, including Judge, Boomer, and Ace, already there and waiting for him. He took his seat and glanced around the room, catching Opie's eye across the table, looking grim.

"This has to be retaliation from the Nords," Opie said, opening up the discussion, "For blowing up the damn lab." There were several nods of agreement and Jax frowned as his gaze fell upon Judge, who was looking slightly uneasy.

"We need to hold on," Bobby said, "We need to be sure it's Darby before we do anything." Jax gaped at Bobby, every bit of emotion he'd felt since Chris picked up Carrie's phone earlier that day crashing in around him.

"Of course it's Darby!" Jax yelled, "Who the fuck else would it be?"

"Even so," Bobby said calmly, "We can't just annihilate an entire street gang." Bobby's calm demeanor only served to spike Jax's fury.

"Yeah?" Jax asked angrily, "Why the fuck not?" Bobby looked calmly back at him before pointing to the sign on the wall: BRAINS BEFORE BULLETS. Jax rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head. As much as Jax wanted to kill someone, he knew Bobby was right. This whole thing didn't even make any sense. It definitely didn't feel like Darby, but that was their only suspect. Without it made Jax feel even more helpless.

"Alright," Clay announced, "I'll set up a meet with Darby, see if we can't figure this shit out. In the meantime, the women are on lockdown here. Opie, bring the kids, too. I don't want any of them leaving this fucking place until we figure this shit out." Jax and Opie nodded in agreement.

"I'll call Iceman and a couple more guys down from Vancouver," Judge offered, "Just in case they're needed."

"I appreciate it," Clay said solemnly. He glanced over at Chibs, "Call SAMTAC. Tell them to come down, too. If this turns out to be Darby, he just started a fucking war and we'll need all the help we can get."

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**A/N - We want to send a huge thank you out to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! We really appreciate the feedback! Thank you also to all the new alerts and favorites we received, and of course to our awesome readers who are still reading this story! I hope you're all still loving Jax and Carrie as much as we are! **

**Please please review! **


	18. Chapter 18

The ride from Vancouver to Charming was a long one. 13 hours on a good day and most of it was usually spent riding through the gray skies and rain of the Pacific Northwest. Still, as Vice President of the Vancouver charter of the Sons of Anarchy, or SAMVAN, it wasn't even close to one of Iceman's longest runs. He usually loved rides like this, with nothing but open roads to clear his head. This time, however, no amount of open road could clear the storm rattling his brain.

He pulled off the highway at the exit for Sacramento, waving at his SAMVAN brothers as they continued onto Charming. This pit stop was one Iceman needed to attend alone. He followed the directions Tommy had given him to the Tritans compound and eventually found himself pulling up to the gate and typing in the code. The gate creaked ominously as it slowly opened and Iceman, impatient, steered his bike expertly through the crack of the gate, not bothering to wait for it to open all the way.

He pulled up to the large house on the compound and stepped off his bike, taking his helmet off as he surveyed the property. He hadn't seen it yet, but it was definitely everything Tommy had described. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation ahead of him.

As soon as Judge had called him the night before, explaining what had gone down in Charming to the SAMCRO Old Ladies, Iceman had had a feeling the whole situation could be traced back to his brother and, more likely, Rob. When Tommy had decided to stop prospecting SAMVAN and join up with the Tritans, Iceman had been wary of Tommy getting involved with them. But Tommy had always craved money and power; a personality trait that, to be fair, the brothers shared. Tommy, however, had always been willing to toe a line to get there that Iceman had never been willing to cross. He feared that his brother had finally moved so far past the line he couldn't even see it anymore.

"Shawn!" Tommy swung open the door to the house, embracing his brother and patting him on the back, "Too long, man." Iceman nodded, forcing a smile before following Tommy inside.

"You want a tour?" Tommy asked, arms outstretched as if presenting the house to him, "It's amazing. Rob really went all out." Iceman shook his head.

"Nah, I can't stay long. Gotta get down to Charming soon," he said. Tommy shrugged, slightly disappointed, as he lead his brother into the sitting room.

"You need anything to drink?" Tommy asked as they took a seat opposite each other on the couches. Iceman shook his head.

"I'm alright," he replied. Tommy nodded, a questioning expression beginning to form as he surveyed his brother.

"Well then," he said, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" Iceman sighed, leaning forward on the couch.

"I needed to talk to you before going down to Charming," he said, "Got a call from Judge last night. Something about SAMCRO's Old Ladies getting attacked, sending a pretty personal message to them." Tommy frowned, nodding.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he replied easily, "That explains why we haven't gotten an answer from them yet on our offer." Iceman's eyes narrowed slightly as he gazed thoughtfully at Tommy. It used to be like looking into a mirror, but Tommy had obviously changed so much Iceman feared that soon he wouldn't even recognize his own twin.

"Stop with the bullshit," he said and Tommy's eyebrows rose in surprise, his hands held up in a mock surrender.

"What bullshit?" he asked. Iceman sighed.

"Just tell me," he started, "Please tell me you didn't have anything to do with these attacks." Tommy frowned, lowering his hands as he looked across at him.

"How could you even ask me that?" he asked. Iceman shook his head.

"You didn't answer the question," he told him. Tommy shook his head.

"Come on, Shawn," he said. He was the only person left in his life that still called him Shawn, "You know me." Iceman nodded, rising from the couch.

"Yeah," he said, a heaviness to his heart he'd never felt before, "Yeah, I do." Without waiting for a reply he turned and walked out of the room.

"Hey!" Tommy called after him, causing Iceman to stop in his tracks, turning slightly to look back at him, "It's not like any of them died. So they got a couple scratches on their arm. They'll heal."

"Thought you said you hadn't heard about the attacks yet," Iceman replied easily. Tommy stared back at him for a moment before crossing his arms across his chest.

"So I heard some things," he said. He waited several moments before he continued, "What're you gonna do?" Iceman shrugged, feeling as if a ton of bricks were weighing his shoulders down.

"I can't protect you," he finally said, his voice equal parts anger and sadness, "Not from this." Without waiting for a reply, he turned and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

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Jax pushed open the door to his dorm room and walked in, setting a glass of water on the nightstand before sitting down next to where Carrie lay. He smiled as he gazed down at her sleeping form, brushing her cheek with his fingers until her eyes fluttered open and she smiled up at him. She stretched lazily before shifting herself into a sitting position, careful not to put too much weight on her injured arm.

"Time for your pills," he said, grabbing the prescription bottle off the nightstand and shaking it at her before handing her the glass of water.

"Aw Doctor Jax," Carrie said teasingly, smiling at him as she took the water from him and he popped the lid off the bottle, shaking a pill into her outstretched hand, "Taking such good care of me." He smirked at her, watching as she took the pill and then took the glass back, setting it back on the night stand.

"I do what I can, darlin," he said, leaning against the headboard and putting his arm around her as she curled up next to him.

"Your brother is pissed at me," he commented, looking down at her for her reaction. The corners of her mouth turned down slightly and she gave him a small nod.

"I know," she replied.

"Are you mad at me, too?" he asked. Carrie rolled her eyes, sitting up to look at him.

"Do I look like I'm mad at you?" she asked. Jax shrugged.

"No," he admitted.

"I think you know me well enough to know that if I was mad at you, you'd definitely know about it," she said, a slight smirk on her face. Jax laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, that's the truth," he said, but he couldn't help feeling relieved, "I was just worried that… well, you know." Carrie shook her head, leaning over to kiss him lightly on the lips.

"Jax, I know it's not your fault," she said, her eyes boring into his, hoping that he would believe her. But he shook his head.

"It is my fault, Carrie," he said, "This happened because of your affiliation to me." Carrie shook her head, throwing her leg over his to straddle him and held his face in her hands. She looked intently into his eyes, making sure that he was looking back at her before she spoke.

"I know you would do anything to protect me," she told him, her voice full of sincerity, "But you can't control every situation. You can't control the actions of other people. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this, because I know that if there was, you would have done it." Jax nodded, finally giving her a small smile as he wrapped his arms around her back and kissed her deeply, enjoying the feel of her in his arms, knowing she was on his side.

"I love you, Jax," she said imploringly as they pulled apart.

"I love you, too," he said. She smiled at him before crawling off his lap and walking to the duffel bag of clothes Jax had brought over for her the night before.

"You're never packing for me again," she told him as she dug through the bag, finally finding a t-shirt that would be presentable and a pair of shorts.

"Yeah, well I'd like to see you try to pack for me," he retorted as he stood, grinning. She laughed.

"Yeah, it's so hard to pick out a wife beater, a few plaid shirts and a SAMCRO hoodie," she teased him, walking over to him. He grabbed her, pulling her close and kissing her.

"You saying you don't like the way I dress?" he asked. She shook her head.

"No, I'm pretty sure you'd look sexy wearing anything," she said grinning. He chuckled, kissing her again before she pulled away from him and started getting dressed. He watched her, leaning his back against the door.

"You don't have to go out there, you know," he told her. Carrie shook her head.

"No, I do," she said, "There's all those people out there, I feel bad hiding out here and leaving everything to Gemma."

"Gemma can handle it," Jax assured her.

"Jax, she went through an attack, too," Carrie reminded him, pulling the t-shirt over her head before looking across at him, "How do I look?" Jax grinned, striding over to her and pulling her against him.

"You look like you need to be back in bed with me," he murmured in her ear before trailing kisses down her neck. Carrie laughed, playfully swatting him away.

"Shut up," she said. He grinned, kissing her one last time, before leading her out of the dorm and into the clubhouse.

The main room of the clubhouse was a flurry of activity. Ever member of SAMCRO was there as well as the additions of SAMVAN and SAMTAC, who had recently arrived. Carrie watched Ellie and Kenny run around the clubhouse, trying to burn off all of the energy acquired from being cooped up all day while Donna watched them from the couch. Carrie smiled as her eyes fell upon Donna. She hadn't gotten a chance to talk to her since the attacks as they'd both been confined to their rooms since the night before getting some much needed rest.

"How are you feeling?" Carrie asked as she walked up to her, sitting next to her on the couch. Donna shrugged, looking back at Carrie.

"I'm fine," she replied, pausing before she added, "I was more worried about the kids than myself." Carrie gave her a small smile as she turned to see Ellie swinging around the stripper pole across the room. Donna rolled her eyes as Carrie laughed.

"I hope you disinfected that thing before she got up there," Carrie said jokingly, nodding towards the pole. Donna laughed.

"Are you kidding? I ran through an entire carton of Lysol wipes as soon as I woke up this morning. I got everything except Tig. He ran away," Donna said. Carrie laughed, shaking her head before watching as Kenny started chasing Elle around the pole.

"Well the kids seem to be just fine," Carrie said. Donna nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"They don't really understand what happened," she said quietly, "I'm so glad they're too young to know." Carrie nodded understandingly as the front door swung open and a golden-brown haired man walked in, looking around the room. From the patch on his back, Carrie saw that he was another member of SAMVAN.

"So many new people," Carrie commented.

"Yeah, I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse," Donna said. There was a soft thud before the screaming wails of Ellie, who had just fallen off the stripper pole platform and was now sitting on the floor clutching her knee and sobbing. Donna sighed, glancing over at Carrie before jumping up and running over to Ellie. Carrie rose as well, scanning the clubhouse and finally spotting Jax standing by Clay and the SAMVAN member who had just walked in. Jax grinned as she walked up to him, holding his hand out to her and pulling her into his side.

"Carrie, I want you to meet SAMVAN's VP, Iceman," he said, pointing at him. Iceman held out a hand, smiling at her. Carrie paused, scanning his face. She knew she'd never met him before but there was something about him that was eerily familiar. Eerily enough to send a shiver down her spine. She shook it off, taking his hand about half a second too late to not be rude.

"Nice to meet you," she said, not quite able to get her tone to sound sincere as she gazed curiously into his bright blue eyes. Very familiar blue eyes.

"Yeah, you too," he replied, "I heard about the attack. I'm extremely sorry that happened to you."

Carrie gasped, her eyes flying wide open, feeling like she'd suddenly been kicked in the gut as with those words she realized why he seemed so familiar. She struggled to get out of Jax's grasp, feeling walls closing in on her as she struggled to breathe.

"Carrie?" Jax asked worriedly as she bent over, gasping for breath, beginning to hyperventilate, "Somebody get her some water!" Seconds later she felt a bottle of water thrust in her hands. She tried to grasp it but her hands were shaking so badly the bottle dropped from her fingertips. She'd never had a panic attack before, but she figured this must be what it felt like. She felt Jax swoop her into his arms, carrying her back into the dorm room.

She had one last glance of Iceman, standing there not looking at all surprised at her reaction, before they turned the corner and into Jax's room. He set her on the edge of the bed, forcing her to bend over with her head between her knees until she finally calmed down enough to speak.

"Carrie?" Jax asked, bent down and looking worriedly at her, his hand running soothingly up and down her back, "Are you okay?" Carrie gulped, taking one last deep breath before looking back at Jax.

"It was him," she whispered. Jax frowned, his eyebrows creased in confusion.

"It was him what?" Jax asked slowly.

"He's the one that attacked me," Carrie said, her voice shaking, "Iceman." Jax shook his head, running his hand softly through her hair.

"Carrie, he couldn't have," he said, trying to comfort her, "He just came down from Canada today." Carrie shook her head furiously, feeling another onset of panic beginning to set in as her entire body began shaking again.

"No!" she yelled, "No, he was here. I know that was him, Jax. He's the one. I know it was him." Jax nodded, frowning.

"Okay, okay," he said, rubbing her back, "I believe you. Stay in here, okay?" Carrie nodded meekly as Jax threw the door open and marched into the clubhouse, walking straight to where Iceman still stood with Clay.

"Hey, is she okay?" Iceman asked, barely able to get the question out before Jax grabbed him by the collar and threw him against the wall. Immediately every SAMVAN member in the room moved to help their VP, but SAMCRO stood to hold them back. Jax wasn't worried about them. He leaned into Iceman's face, looking him square in the eye.

"You wanna tell me why my girl is convinced it was you that attacked her?" he growled at him as a hush fell over the crowd, all eyes on the two of them. Iceman held his hands up, shaking his head slowly.

"It wasn't me, brother," he said imploringly. Jax scoffed, shaking his head.

"You're gonna have to do better than that, _brother_," he said. Iceman looked back at Jax for several moments before finally nodding.

"Alright," he said, sighing deeply, "It wasn't me. But I know who it was."

"Maybe we should take this in the chapel," Judge spoke up. Jax sneered at Iceman, giving him a final shove into the wall before stalking off to the chapel. It was a packed room by the time everyone had filed in, SAMCRO in their seats around the table while SAMVAN and SAMTAC lined up against the wall. As soon as everyone was in and the doors were closed, Clay looked directly at Iceman, standing in the back of the room.

"You waitin' for an invitation?" Clay barked at him, "TALK." But instead of Iceman, it was Judge that spoke.

"Tritans," he said, "Rob's second in command, Tommy, is Iceman's twin brother."

"She must've thought I was him," Iceman added, his hands clasped in front of him and his shoulders squared.

"Your FUCKING brother!?" Jax shouted before turning to Judge, "You brought them to us. You brought all of this on us!"

"Judge had no way of knowing they'd do something like this," Iceman said in defense of his president, "We've never had issues with the Tritans before. SAMTAC's been working with them for five years without a single incident."

"But Rob's getting greedy," Judge said wearily, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You not immediately jumping at the offer must have spooked them."

"Spooked them?" Opie spat, fury laced in every word he spoke, "They almost killed my _wife! _While my kids were in the fucking house!_" _ Judge opened his mouth to respond, but he had no words.

"Why attack us when we haven't even said no yet?" Bobby asked, bridging the silence.

"Best guess?" Judge replied, "He figured if he couldn't get the deal with you, he could at least get you to take care of Darby for them. If they could get this shit pinned on the Nords, it'd be a win/win for them."

Clay shook his head, sitting at the head of the table and gazing at the President and Vice President of SAMVAN with disappointment.

"How can we trust you now?" he finally asked, his gaze steely as his fist curled tightly around the gavel in his hand.

"We're here for _you_," Iceman said imploringly, "We'll do whatever you need."

"Even kill your own brother?" Clay asked, staring directly at Iceman. His lips parted slightly but it was Judge that answered for him.

"We'll do what we need to do," he said, gripping Iceman's shoulder.

"So what's the plan?" Jax asked angrily.

"The plan is we're gonna burn that motherfucking strip club to the ground. Tonight," he said, looking at Opie, "Get on it. Kyle can back you."

"I'll go, too," Jax offered, but Clay shook his head.

"Not too many guys," he replied, "We want to keep a low profile." Jax looked ready to argue but decided against it.

"Okay," he said, "And then?"

"And then we're gonna cut that fucker Rob's head off," Clay said. He turned his gaze back to Iceman, staring directly at him as he spoke his next words, "Tommy's too. I assume you know where we can find them."


	19. Chapter 19

Iceman sat alone on the picnic table outside, rubbing his hands over his face as his mind poured over the predicament his brother had gotten himself, and now Iceman, into. When push came time to shove, would he really be able to stand by his word? Would he really be able to kill his own twin brother? He sighed, shaking his head before glancing around the empty lot and digging his prepay out of his pocket. He flipped it open, quickly dialing Tommy's number and held the phone to his ear, each ring feeling like an eternity before Tommy finally picked up.

"You need to pack your shit and go," Iceman said, keeping his voice low as he continued to look around, making sure he remained alone.

"What? Why?" Tommy asked.

"It doesn't matter," Iceman said, trying to control his temper, "Just get the hell out of town and back to Canada. NOW."

"What the fuck did you do, Shawn?!" Tommy yelled into the phone, "What did you tell them?" Iceman scoffed sardonically, shaking his head at his brother's impetuousness and stupidity.

"This is not my mess," Iceman spat, "I'm just trying to keep you alive." He ended the call and stared at the phone for a second before snapping it at its hinges and tossing it in a nearby garbage can.

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Carrie sat on the bed, her back against the headboard and her knees pulled up to her chest, beginning to second guess herself. She had been so certain that it had been Iceman. His eyes, his voice… but she had never seen her attacker's face. The more she thought about it, even the idea of it being a Son seemed ludicrous. She sighed, leaning her head back and staring at the ceiling as she wrapped her arms around her knees and waited for Jax to come back.

Finally, the dorm room door opened and Jax stepped through, looking grim. Carrie's eyes followed him as he walked over to her and sat on the bed next to her.

"Did you find anything out?" she asked. Jax gave her a curt nod before stretching his arm out and wrapping it around her shoulders, pulling her close to him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. Carrie's blood ran cold, a chill crawling down her spine as she looked up at Jax, surprised at how shocked she was that she was right.

"So it was him?" she asked tentatively. Jax shook his head and Carrie frowned in confusion.

"No, it wasn't him," he said, "It was his twin brother." Under other circumstances, Carrie might have laughed at this revelation.

"His… brother?" Carrie asked doubtfully. Jax nodded, leaning against the head board. Carrie thought she'd feel relieved when she found out who had attacked her, but all she felt was confusion and worry. They sat in silence for several moments until Jax finally spoke.

"You remember that business deal from a couple weeks ago?" he asked.

"The one you wouldn't tell me about?" Carrie asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise that he finally seemed to be letting her in. Jax nodded.

"Yeah, it was with this group called the Tritans," he explained, "They've been working with SAMVAN and SAMTAC for a while. Judge and the Tritan's president go way back. But they got… impatient when we hadn't gotten back to them on whether or not we'd take their offer."

"What was their offer?" Carrie asked. Jax stared back at her for a moment, obviously trying to decide if he should tell her everything. But she should have known all of this from the start.

"Muling meth," Jax mumbled and Carrie's eyes widened.

"Jax…" she whispered. Jax nodded.

"I know. We weren't gonna do it. At least, probably not. We hadn't voted on it yet. I had no idea they'd…" his voice trailed off as he felt himself choking up. Once he'd regained his composure, he looked back at Carrie, "Anyway, the Tritan's vice president is Iceman's twin brother. That's who it was."

Carrie nodded, her eyes searching Jax's face. It meant more than words could say that he finally trusted her enough to tell her everything. Having no words to convey how she felt, leaned up and kissed him hard. She had taken him by surprise and it took him a moment to catch up, but he finally wrapped his arms around her back as he clutched her to him.

"Thank you for telling me," she said when they had finally pulled apart. He nodded.

"I shoulda told you a long time ago," he said, sighing. She smiled, kissing him again.

"So what now?" she asked, worry once again taking over as the dominant emotion.

"Now… we get the Tritans," Jax said. Carrie nodded, chewing on her lip nervously.

"Be careful, Jax," she said.

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Opie stared out of the window of the van as Kyle drove them to the Dollhouse, replaying the plan over and over in his head. Though Opie had always been the go-to guy for explosives and he was the obvious choice for this job, he was still thankful to Clay for giving him something to do. He thought about finding Donna standing in the living room, her face sheet white and her arm pouring blood. He thought about the few minutes of unbelievable panic when he didn't know where Ellie was. He thought about Kenny's cries reverberating throughout his house. To find out the group behind all of this was a group with extremely close, even familial, bonds to the Sons felt like a betrayal. It _was_ a betrayal.

He glanced at Kyle, driving silently next to him, clearly lost in his own thoughts as they sped down the freeway. Kyle had never been his favorite person in the world, mostly due to the issues he had with Jax, but when it came down to it, Kyle was SAMCRO. These attacks had just proven to Opie that SAMCRO was the only thing he could count on – the only thing he could really trust. If he didn't have that, he didn't have anything.

Eventually, Kyle pulled the van into an alley about a block away from the Dollhouse and looked over at Opie.

"We got everything we need?" he asked, motioning to the duffel sitting on Opie's lap. Opie nodded, grasping the duffel in one hand and the door handle in the other.

"Yup. This shouldn't take long," Opie replied, "Leave the keys in the ignition." Kyle nodded as they both stepped out of the van, sticking to the shadows as they made their way to the dollhouse. It was dark, the parking lot completely empty. There wouldn't be anyone inside. As soon as they were at the back of the building, Opie kneeled down, opening the duffel and grabbing several sticks of dynamite, setting them on the ground next to him. He glanced up at Kyle.

"I'll set up the dynamite," he said, "You keep a lookout on the street, make sure nobody's walking by."

Kyle nodded, jogging off to the side of the building, where he could remain in the shadows but still have a pretty good view of the street. Opie began setting up the Dynamite at integral places around the building all connected to a single wire that, when he was finished, would ignite and detonate every stick. Sirens began wailing in the distance and his ears perked up before he shook it off. He was unseen from the street; there was no way those sirens were for them.

"Cops! Opie, Cops!" Kyle hissed from the side of the building. Opie shook his head, waving him off.

"Keep outta sight," Opie whispered as loud as he dared back, "They're not coming for us." Kyle jumped on the balls of his feet nervously, looking back and forth between the street and Opie, who was running the wire as quickly as he could around the building.

"Ope, we gotta get out of here!" Kyle said. He took one last look at Opie before sprinting off in the direction of the van.

"Shit," Opie hissed. He was almost finished. He looked wildly around. The sirens were getting closer, causing Opie to begin to doubt whether or not he had been as careful as he thought. He growled in frustration before abandoning the dynamite and running off towards the alley. As soon as he hit the street, he saw several police cars pass him. They immediately swerved around to back track to him and Opie swore before hauling ass to the alley. He was so close. If he could just get to the van, Kyle would probably be able to lose the cops and even if he couldn't, any evidence of wrong-doing had been left back at the Dollhouse, fingerprint-less. He just needed to get to the van.

He turned the corner into the alley. The cop cars were closing in. There was a back exit they'd be able to take. But he stopped in his tracks as soon as he turned the corner. The van was gone. Kyle had split.

"FUCK!" Opie screamed, this betrayal slamming into him like steel, before several police officers jumped out of their cars, guns pointed at him.

"Get on the ground!" one of them shouted, "Hands behind your head!" Opie swore angrily again, raising his arms and clasping his hands behind his head as he lowered himself to the ground. Thoughts of what he was going to do to Kyle when he got out of this mess ran through his head as he felt the cool, uncomfortable metal of handcuffs snapping around his wrists.

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Jax focused his eyes on the road ahead of him, fury radiating off of his body and threatening to overwhelm him. To calm himself, he began thinking about how it would feel killing Tommy; the reward of sick satisfaction that came with a well-executed revenge. He felt his lips twitch into a small smile as he imagined Tommy's face when he realized they'd been found out; when he realized that he was going to die.

He revved the throttle on his bike as he sped toward Sacramento, the whole crew following in his wake. Bringing along Judge, Iceman, and Ace made him slightly nervous. He'd lost all the trust he had for them and couldn't be certain that they wouldn't turn on him at the last second. But Iceman was the only one who knew where the compound was and Judge insisted on them coming along. This was their time to prove where their loyalties lay – loyalties that had never been tested like this before.

Iceman pulled ahead to take the lead as they exited the freeway and it was nearly another hour of winding dirt roads before they finally pulled up to the large gate of the compound. Jax could tell right away that something was wrong as Iceman typed in the code and the gate swung forward to allow them entry. The entire place was deserted. No cars, no lights, no people. The whole place looked like a ghost town. He pushed himself off his bike after pulling up to the main house to see the door left wide open revealing a pitch black interior and rounded on Iceman.

"What did you do?" he growled at him, stalking towards him. Clay, Tig, Chibs, Bobby, and Juice stood close behind him as Iceman took several steps back towards Judge and Ace, shaking his head.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Jax yelled at him, his anger finally getting the best of him, "You warned him, didn't you?"

"What was I supposed to do!?" Iceman yelled back, looking clearly torn and nearly broken by the whole situation, "He's my brother. My family." Jax's lip curled in anger and his nostrils flared as he shook his head.

"No, WE'RE your brothers," Jax yelled, "And you betrayed us." Iceman's eyes grew large as he looked between Jax and the rest of SAMCRO behind him.

"What are you gonna do?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly.

"This is a SAMVAN issue," Judge spoke up, "We'll take him back to Vancouver. Deal with him there." Jax scoffed sardonically as Clay spoke up.

"This stopped being a SAMVAN issue when _his_ brother attacked _our _families!" he yelled, "This is not a SAMVAN issue and _we_ will decide what to do with him. And that's me being _nice. _I was seconds from putting a bullet in his head so be thankful I'm taking him back instead of telling you to dig a hole for him right about now."

Jax walked slowly up to Iceman, lowering his head until their noses were practically touching.

"You run and I swear to God I will make it my life mission to hunt you down. And that time, I won't be as kind as my president," he said, his voice low and steady. Iceman nodded, looking directly back at Jax.

"Not planning on running," he replied. Clay's pre-pay went off and he glanced down to check the number before flipping it open, his face becoming stonier and stonier until he finally shut the phone.

"We got a problem," he told Jax quietly, motioning for him to walk back over to them, "Opie's been arrested." Jax's eyes narrowed.

"Opie? What about Kyle?" Jax asked. Clay shook his head.

"Kyle split," he said, nodding at Jax's stunned expression.

"What the fuck is wrong with everyone?" he asked shaking his head as they headed back to their bikes.

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Carrie sat on a couch in the clubhouse watching Donna pace back and forth around the room. She looked like she was seconds from pulling her hair out and Carrie had no idea what to do for her. She knew exactly how Donna felt, had been in almost exactly the same situation as her. But when Jax was faced with serious prison time, Carrie hadn't had to worry about raising two kids alone. Donna finally sighed and collapsed in a chair near Carrie, her face stony. She had no more tears to cry over this tonight.

"You know no matter what happens, we'll be there for you," Carrie told her, "Whatever you need." Donna nodded, gracing Carrie with a tiny smile.

"Thanks, Care," she said, shaking her head, "I wish I didn't have to wait until tomorrow to bail him out. I need to talk to him. Get this sorted out." Carrie nodded sympathetically.

"This isn't how this was supposed to be, you know?" Donna said, her voice wistful for another life, "I wasn't supposed to raise these kids on my own."

"Hey, you won't be on your own," Carrie reminded her, "The club'll take care of you." Donna scoffed, looking around the clubhouse.

"I don't want anything from the club," she said, her voice low, "This is all happening _because_ of the club." Carrie bit her lip but held her tongue. She knew from experience that nothing anybody said would change her mind about that. It had taken Carrie five years to come back around to the club and she still had her reservations about it.

Before she could respond, she heard the roar of half a dozen motorcycles pulling into the lot and stood to find Jax and make sure he was okay. She ran outside to see him getting wearily off his bike. He gave her a small smile when he saw her walking towards him, but she could tell the rage that he'd left with had not yet gone away.

"What happened?" she asked as he slung his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him as he lead her away from the group. They took a seat on the picnic table while the others all filed inside. He shook his head, lighting a cigarette.

"They were gone," he said, exhaling slowly as he looked out at the now empty lot, "Probably already back to Canada by now. Iceman tipped 'em off." Carrie frowned, leaning against Jax.

"What are you gonna do?" she asked. He shrugged.

'We're meeting in a few minutes," he said, "So I'll let you know."

She nodded as she watched him push himself off the picnic table, her eyes following his retreating back as he walked inside. She thought about Donna inside, about to lose her husband to the system for God knows how long. She thought about Jax, on a revenge spree that would take him who knows where; a journey that he wasn't even guaranteed to come back alive from and she found herself wondering: Was it all worth it? Was retaliation worth the Winston's now broken home? Was it worth whatever consequence lay ahead of Jax?

To Carrie, the answer was simple. Hell no.

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Daylight had just begun to creep through the blinds when Carrie felt something rustle the bed. She blinked a few times, trying to rid herself of exhaustion, or at least delay the feeling for a few hours. It had been a sleepless night. Jax hadn't felt like talking after the meeting and they'd gone to bed, Carrie wide awake for hours as she worried about what had been decided. In her heart, she knew what Jax was going to do and she dreaded it.

She finally pulled herself up, leaning against the headboard as she pulled her knees into her chest, watching Jax shove several things into a small duffel bag sitting on the edge of the bed, confirming her worst suspicions. She studied his face, his features all set in determination. Carrie knew that expression well; it was one she feared.

"Why are you packing?" she asked, playing dumb as she tried to keep her voice from shaking. He glanced up at her, seeming surprised to see her awake.

"We think Rob and Tommy are in Canada," he told her. She nodded.

"Shouldn't that be good news?" she asked, crawling off the bed. Jax's SAMCRO t-shirt hung loosely on her frame as she crossed her arms across her chest, "They're gone, Jax. Threat's over. So why are you packing? " Jax shook his head, continuing to pack so he could avoid looking at her.

"We've gotta find 'em," he finally said.

"No, you don't," Carrie said imploringly, "Jax, it's dangerous. They're gone – what's the point of going after them?"

Jax stopped what he was doing and looked sharply at her, the fury she knew had been coursing through his body the past few days evident all over his face.

"Because they went after _you_!" he shouted desperately.

"Yeah! And I'm fine!" Carrie shouted back, her tone pleading him to be reasonable as she fought back tears, "They're not coming back. There's no reason for you to go chasing after them!" Jax didn't respond. Instead, he continued to move about the room, gathering up things he'd need on the run.

"Opie's going to jail because of this, Jax," Carrie pleaded, reaching out to clutch his arm, "You don't need to go the same way. Or worse. All just for revenge." Jax shook her off roughly and she tumbled back a few steps. A few of the tears she'd been holding back trickled down her cheeks.

"Jax, please," she said, her voice wavering, "Please don't go. I just… I have a bad feeling about this." Jax finally looked at her. He walked towards her, clasping her face in his hands as his thumbs brushed her tears away.

"I have to," he told her quietly. Carrie swallowed hard, her eyes rolling to the ceiling as she felt herself moments from breaking down.

"I can handle that your life is dangerous," Carrie told him, "I can handle the danger that it obviously puts me in. What I can't handle is you putting yourself at unnecessary risk all because you can't let this go."

"Let this go?" Jax repeated incredulously, his hands dropping from her face, "Carrie you could have died. My mom, Donna… you all could have died."

"But we didn't. The Tritans are _gone_. They're not going to come back. So you going to Canada isn't about protecting me or anyone else. This is about you retaliating and all it'll do is make you feel a little better and potentially get you killed! You're not being a hero, Jax – you're being selfish!" Carrie said desperately, regretting using that word as soon as it left her mouth. Jax scoffed, shaking his head.

"I'm not a hero. And this isn't up for debate," he told her firmly.

"That isn't a relationship," Carrie said angrily.

"THIS IS THE CLUB!" Jax screamed at her, "Something you have NO say in."

"I should have a say in YOU!" Carrie yelled, frustration building inside of her.

"You don't," Jax told her fiercely, walking over to his duffel and zipping it up before slinging it over his shoulder. Carrie could feel the tears of frustration welling in her eyes as she watched him walk to the door.

"Please," she begged softly, "Please don't go. For me." He turned to look at her, shaking his head.

"You knew about this part of my life before you agreed to get back together," Jax reminded her, "If you really can't handle it, maybe we shouldn't be together." Carrie's arms dropped to her sides dejectedly as she took a step back, her anger momentarily displaced by shock.

"What?" she asked, quietly. Jax's lips parted, his face full of regret as he took a step forward.

"Carrie, I-" he started, but Carrie shook her head.

"No," she said, her anger returning, "You're right. If you're going to run off on ridiculous revenge missions that could get you killed or thrown in jail, then you're right. Maybe we shouldn't be together. I guess I was just kidding myself to think that I could have ever possibly meant more to you than the club."

Jax stared back at her for several moments before his face became stony in anger again.

"And I guess I was just kidding myself to think that you would actually stick around forever this time," he said viciously, "I think we both knew this wasn't gonna last."

Carrie stared at him as he turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. She sank onto the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees as she finally broke down in tears.

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**A/N - sorry to leave this chapter on a bit of a cliffhanger! The next chapter is written out and just needs final editing - should be good to post by this weekend so we'll try not to leave you hanging too long! **

**Also, we got a bunch of new alerts and favorites since our last chapter so I want to thank all of you and I can't tell you how happy we are that we have readers who are enjoying this story! **

**As always, please please review and let us know how we're doing and what you think of the story! It really helps us out, not to mention puts big smiles on our faces! Thank you to those of you who reviewed our last chapter! **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N - Sorry this is up a few days late! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and let us know your thoughts! Y'all are the best! **

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"So what now?" Donna asked wearily as Opie drove them back home after she bailed him out. He pulled into the driveway of their house and put the car in park, glancing over at her.

"The guys are all going to Canada," he told her, stepping out of the car and striding towards the front door.

"Yeah, and?" Donna asked as she jogged to keep up with him. They walked inside, stopping in the living room.

"And I want to go with them," he said. Donna shook her head furiously.

"No," she said firmly, "HELL no."

"I should be there," he told her. Donna felt her fists clench subconsciously as she resisted beating them against Opie's chest.

"I did not just bail you out for you to become a fugitive!" she shouted, "You're going to jail for god knows how long. Where you _should _be is here, with your family, spending as much time as you can with your kids before you go away instead of risking _everything_."

Opie sighed, sinking onto the couch as he put his head in his heads. Donna walked over to him and he pulled her onto his lap, kissing her.

"I love you," he said. She sighed sadly, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Does that mean you're not going?" she asked.

"No, I'm not going," he replied.

"Good," she said, grinning, "Then I love you, too."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie sat listlessly on her back porch watching the sun slowly sink below the horizon as she finished off another beer and set it down next to the numerous other empty bottles that now littered the porch. It had been hours and hours since Jax had left and he was probably pretty close to Vancouver by now. She'd usually have been expecting a call from him pretty soon to check in but she knew this time it wouldn't come. Tears poured silently down her face as she popped the top off another beer and brought the cool bottle to her lips, closing her eyes as she tipped it back.

'Fuck him,' she thought furiously, her scumbag brain refusing to think about anything other than Jax's last words to her. How long had he felt that way? How long had those thoughts been burning through him? She'd thought they had beaten the odds, proven everyone wrong that said they couldn't make it, and successfully overcome their past. Carrie was learning to trust him more and she'd thought that she had restored his trust in her.

Clearly that wasn't the case. Clearly he'd just been biding his time, waiting for her to run again. But she'd stayed through the drive-by shooting of Clay and Gemma's house, stayed after getting personally attacked in her own home. Wasn't that enough? What more could she have possibly done to prove to him that she wasn't going anywhere?

Nothing. There was nothing more that she could have done. She looked down at the beer in her hand, her eyes moving up to the bandages still circling her forearm. Underneath those bandages were wounds that would eventually scar proclaiming DEATH TO SOA. She'd have those scars for the rest of her life, a constant reminder of the death of Carrie and Jax. A romance spanning nearly a decade; her own personal fairy tale was never meant to end happily ever after. She would always love him; that much she knew. But sitting there watching the sunset, all she felt towards him was anger.

With each beer she finished she found herself stewing hotter and hotter in her anger. She felt betrayed by him. Again. Betrayed that he took the first chance he got to assume that she would walk away. Betrayed that he didn't take her feelings into consideration at all before going on this pointless mission. Him going to Canada, risking his life and his freedom for absolutely nothing, was the last straw. She would never understand this black and white code he lived by.

She sighed as she watched the sun sink lower, the sky filling with hues of red and orange. She'd never felt more alone. Normally she had Donna to help her out with things like this, but her husband was about to go to jail and Carrie didn't want to bother her. Chris would be her second choice but he was so angry with Jax right now that he wouldn't be any help. She'd die before going to Gemma or her parents.

She finally stood up, leaving the plethora of empty beer bottles abandoned on the porch and walked inside the house. She popped twice as many Ambien as the bottle suggested and went to bed, hoping it would help with a much needed dreamless sleep.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

"_If you really can't handle it, maybe we shouldn't be together… I guess I was just kidding myself to think that you would actually stick around forever this time… I think we both knew this wasn't gonna last…"_

Jax's words had replayed themselves over and over in Carrie's mind for the past 5 days. She'd taken the week off of work at the day care, leaving Neeta in charge, and had spent most of her free time either drinking or sleeping. It would have been so much easier if somewhere along the line, Carrie had fallen out of love with Jax. But she hadn't, and she knew she never would.

But she also knew that Jax was partly right. Their relationship had always been doomed; it was just that neither of them had ever wanted to admit it. Their lives were too different. Jax's was one that Carrie struggled on a daily basis to understand and eventually it would have become too much. It was better to end things now rather than later, but it didn't make it any easier.

She lay on her couch wrapped in a blanket, her knees pulled up into the fetal position as she clutched a bottle of vodka close to her chest. She couldn't remember the last time she'd taken a shower. She couldn't remember the last time she'd spoken to another human being. She'd turned her phone off days ago, wanting to be alone to stew in the misery of her fatally flawed relationship.

A knock on her door broke her out of the trance she'd been in and she tilted her head up slightly before it fell back on the pillow again, hoping whoever it was would leave when she didn't answer. By the second, much louder, bang on her door, that didn't seem likely.

"It's open," she mumbled, hoping whoever it was wouldn't hear. But they did. The door swung open and the last person in the world Carrie wanted to see just then sauntered across the threshold, her arms crossed across her chest as she stood there appraising her judgmentally.

"Oh good god it smells worse than the clubhouse in here," Gemma said, her nose crinkling in disgust.

"Whatta you want?" Carrie grumbled.

"That can wait. You need to bathe," she responded. When Carrie didn't move Gemma added, "Right now." Carrie just grunted at her and Gemma walked over to her, snatching the bottle out of her hands as she lifted her up and carried her back to the bathroom. Carrie didn't have the energy to fight her, but drew the line when Gemma tried to undress her.

"I got it," she snapped. Gemma cocked an eyebrow but made her way out of the bathroom.

When Carrie finally emerged, wearing clean clothes and her hair hanging wet around her shoulders, she had to admit that the shower had been a good idea. Her head was clear and she felt refreshed for the first time since Jax had slammed his dorm room door behind him. Gemma was waiting for her in the living room and glanced up when she walked in.

"Feel better?" Gemma asked. Carrie nodded as she took a seat on the couch, curling her legs underneath her as she ran a towel through her hair.

"Much," she replied, "Now are you going to tell me why you're here?" Gemma nodded, her expression slowly falling into a frown.

"Jax has been hurt," Gemma said and Carrie's eyes widened and slowly began filling with tears. She lowered her hands from her hair to brush them away as she looked across at Gemma.

"Hurt? How bad?" Carrie asked desperately. Gemma shrugged, worry stretched across her face.

"Bad enough that they can't move him just yet," she said.

"Fuck," Carrie hissed, "I knew it! I knew something bad was going to happen. I _told_ him not to go." Her voice was full of desperation and regret. Gemma nodded.

"Clay told me not to, but I'm going up there. I thought you'd want to come with me," Gemma said. Carrie paused. She wanted to go more than anything in the world. He could be dying up there. But she was afraid of what his reaction might be if he saw her. What if she just made things worse?

"I don't think Jax wants to see me," Carrie said hesitatingly. Gemma shook her head.

"Don't be stupid," she said, "So you two said some things in anger neither of you meant. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to see you." She choked up slightly before adding, "It might be the last time you get to." Carrie's eyes widened.

"Is he really hurt that badly?" she asked.

"They wouldn't tell me much," Gemma responded, annoyance in her voice.

"Okay, just give me a few minutes to get some things together in case we're there a few days," she said. Gemma nodded.

"I'll wait for you in the car," she said as Carrie ran to get packed.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

5 hours into their drive to Vancouver, Carrie was certain that if there was a hell, it would be a never-ending road trip with Gemma. By the 10th hour, she was debating doing a tuck-and-roll out of the car. When they finally passed the 'Welcome to Vancouver' sign, it felt like a gift from God. Carrie couldn't wait to finally be there. Not only had she spent the past 14 hours worried sick about Jax, but she'd had to endure the Gemma inquisition about what happened between them and how Carrie was going to fix it. At one point, Carrie had finally exploded at her.

"Why do you even care!?" she'd yelled, "You've spent the entire time Jax and I have been back together acting like you couldn't wait for us to break up!"

"I just want Jax to be happy," Gemma had replied, her calm demeanor furthering Carrie's annoyance, "Being with you makes him happy. Being without you makes him miserable. It isn't hard to figure out how it should be."

"Then why have you been giving me such a hard time?" Carrie had asked. Gemma shrugged.

"Just wanted to make sure you weren't gonna let history repeat itself," she had replied.

By the time Gemma pulled into the lot of the SAMVAN clubhouse, Carrie had one hand on the door handle, ready to spring as soon as Gemma parked the car. She looked around as she finally put her feet on solid ground. The SAMVAN clubhouse was fairly similar to SAMCRO's, albeit smaller. They too ran an auto repair business and a large sign stretching across the roof declared that this was home to the Sons of Anarchy. Several members loitering around the lot glanced up when they drove up, looking grim.

"Jax is inside," one of them said, pointing the way to the front door. Gemma raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"How did you know we were looking for him?" she asked. He shrugged.

"Clay told us to expect an angry brunette to pull in soon asking about Jax. Said she'd probably be with a cute red-head," he replied. Gemma crossed her arms, glancing at Carrie.

"He said cute?" she asked. He grinned, his eyes roaming Carrie up and down.

"Nah, I just added that myself," he said. Carrie rolled her eyes before storming off to the door he'd pointed out, Gemma following close behind. She was finally beginning to panic. She had no idea what state Jax would be in when she saw him. Had he been shot? Would he even be conscious? She steeled herself as she pulled open the door. He _had_ to make it. He _would _make it.

She marched in and looked around, spotting Clay, Juice, Chibs, and Tig talking with Judge, Ace, and Boomer. They turned when they heard them walk in. Only Clay seemed unsurprised to see them there.

"How did I know you'd show up?" Clay asked, grinning at Gemma.

"Where's Jax?" Carrie practically shrieked, wondering why all of them were standing around so blasé when their Vice President had been seriously injured. Juice looked around before nodding towards the hall.

"He's coming," he said. Carrie frowned as Jax turned the corner and stopped, stunned to see them. Carrie looked him over quickly. Apart from bandages wrapped around his shoulder, exposed by the wife beater he wore, he seemed completely unharmed. Carrie rounded furiously on Gemma, glaring daggers at her.

"I thought you said he was hurt!" she hissed angrily, trying to keep her voice from being overheard. Gemma pointed to Jax's arm.

"He is hurt," she said.

"You told me he was hurt bad," Carrie said. Gemma shrugged.

"I told you he was hurt bad enough that he couldn't come home right away," she corrected, "He can't ride with his arm like that."

"You said this might be the last time I saw him," Carrie reminded her.

"Yeah," Gemma scoffed, "You two broke up, remember? If I didn't get you up here, it_ was_ going to be the last time you saw him. You're both too damn stubborn for your own good."

Carrie rolled her eyes before turning back to look at Jax. His face was expressionless; the surprise he had briefly worn had been wiped away.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I… I thought you were hurt," she said.

"Well I'm fine," Jax replied curtly, "I'll be good to ride in a couple days."

"Well I guess I just spent 14 hours in hell for no reason then," Carrie replied hotly, so annoyed by his attitude that she couldn't even have a second to feel relieved that he was okay, "I guess I'll just leave." She turned and headed back to the door they'd just walked through, flinging it open and stepping out into the cool night air. She was halfway to the car before she realized that Gemma had driven and she had the keys. Carrie turned when she heard footsteps to see Jax chasing her out.

"I didn't ask you to come up here!" he yelled angrily at her.

"What was I supposed to do?!" she shouted, "I thought you were fucking dying!"

"You made it pretty clear that you didn't care if I lived or died," he replied hotly. She stared at him, blinking a few times as she processed what he'd just said.

"Actually, I made it pretty clear that I feel the EXACT OPPOSITE!" she screamed in frustration, so angry that he had twisted around everything she'd said, "You're the one who doesn't care if you live or die, even if that means leaving me!" Jax sighed, taking several steps closer to her.

"I'd never want to leave you again," he said, "But I had to come up here and if you don't understand that, then you don't understand me at all."

"Well then I guess I don't understand you at all," Carrie replied, turning and walking towards the street. She had no idea where she was planning on going; all she knew was she wanted to get as far away from Jax as possible.

"Carrie," Jax called after her, running to catch up with her, "Where are you going?"

"Far away from you!" she called over her shoulder.

"Don't be stupid," he said, "Stay here tonight. Gemma can take you back tomorrow." Carrie felt another stab of pain rush through her at the implication of his words. He wanted her gone as soon as possible. She hesitated turning around. She didn't want to let Jax see her cry, but he was right – she had nowhere to go. She didn't even have her wallet on her. She finally turned and rushed past him inside.

Judge showed her to a room and had one of the prospects run out to the car to get her bag. Carrie closed the door behind the prospect after he'd dropped off her bag and turned to look back at the room. It was sparsely decorated with only a queen size bed and a desk for furniture. She quickly got dressed for bed before slipping under the covers. She was sobbing again before her head hit the pillow.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOAS OA

Jax sat at the bar in the clubhouse, desperate for the alcohol to take away the pain of seeing Carrie so unexpectedly. Ever since they'd gotten back together, in the back of his mind he'd always thought she wouldn't be able to handle his life, and he hated that he'd turned out to be right. He hated that she'd doubted that he knew what he was doing, hated that while he had immediately regretted suggesting they break up, she had readily agreed. The logical part of him knew it was better they part ways now before they began to hate each other. The emotional part of him, however, hated not being with her and wondered if he'd done the right thing.

He barely glanced up as Gemma took a seat next to him, looking him over pensively. He finally sighed, turning to look at her when she didn't speak.

"Why'd you bring her here?" Jax asked. Gemma shrugged.

"She heard you were hurt," Gemma said, "Insisted she come along." Jax rolled his eyes, turning back to the drink in his hand.

"Uh huh," he said disbelievingly.

"Look, Jax, you know I love you more than anything else in the world, but you're being an idiot," Gemma said as gently as she could. Jax shook his head as he refilled his glass.

"It's not meant to be," he muttered.

"Why?" Gemma asked, "Because she challenged you? Because she was worried about you?"

"Because she can't handle it!" Jax shouted. Gemma stared at him for several moments before she shook her head.

"Look, Jax, a couple months ago I would have agreed with you. It was what scared me most about you guys getting back together," Gemma said, "When she was 20 years old and you were going to jail, no, she couldn't handle it. But she's proven over and over again that she's changed and that she can now. She's willing to go through a lot because she loves you. I mean, she did just spend 15 hours in a car with _me, _just because I might have led her to believe you were dying. That's love, baby."

Jax's lip twitched slightly before his face fell again and he shook his head.

"She would've left eventually," Jax said. Gemma shrugged.

"Maybe, maybe not. No one can see into the future. But you're projecting your own insecurities and worries onto her when she hasn't done anything to deserve it," Gemma told him. Jax frowned, staring into the glass in his hand.

"You're wrong," Jax told her, "You weren't there; you don't know what was said." Gemma raised an eyebrow.

"Jax, who're you talking to?" Gemma asked. Jax scoffed, shaking his head.

"Right, I forgot. What, were you just standing outside the door listening?" Jax asked sarcastically.

"Didn't have to, baby. You two were screaming at each other. Wasn't hard to overhear," she said, "And all I heard was an old lady worried about her man, challenging him like a good old lady should. You think I just roll over every time Clay makes a decision? He don't always listen to me-" Jax snorted in derision, shaking his head, and Gemma frowned.

"Like I was saying, he don't always listen to me but I say my peace to him. Sometimes he agrees, sometimes he doesn't. But I never stop worrying about him, or you, and Carrie won't either," she said, "No relationship can ever be my-way-or-the-highway every time."

"I didn't say it did," Jax retorted. Gemma pursed her lips, tilting her head slightly.

"Yeah, Jackson. You kinda did," she said. She stood and kissed him on the cheek before walking back to the dorms, mumbling something under her breath that sounded a lot like 'stubborn assholes.'

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOAS OA

Jax always had a hard time sleeping alone. Insomnia constantly plagued him and more often than not he'd find himself on the roof of the SAMCRO clubhouse when he couldn't sleep. The SAMVAN clubhouse, however, did not have roof access, so Jax found himself lying in bed staring at the ceiling as millions of thoughts circled through his brain, nearly all of them about Carrie, wondering if his mother was right. Had he jumped to conclusions? Let his own fears mar their way into becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Those thoughts, coupled with the discomfort from the bullet wound in his shoulder, meant he wasn't getting to sleep any time soon. He finally sighed, kicking off the covers as he got out of bed, needing to get some air.

As he walked down the hallway, his eyes gravitated toward the door he knew she was sleeping behind. He paused outside of it, placing his hand lightly against the door. He wanted more than anything to be able to walk in there, pull her close to him, hold her; it was the only way he ever slept well. But he couldn't. He moved to step away from the door and continue down the hall, but before he could he heard gentle sobs coming from behind the door and he paused. He sighed before pushing the door open and stepping inside.

He saw her curled up on the bed, clutching her pillow in her arms. She looked up when she saw him, quickly trying to wipe away her tears, but they continued to pour down her cheeks. She turned away from him again, her body rigid and tense.

"Go away," she mumbled. He ignored her, moving farther into the room. He didn't know why he'd come inside or what he hoped to accomplish. He wasn't entirely convinced that Gemma had been right and he still had a lot of anger built up inside of him. But he hated making her cry and he knew that he could at least be man enough to face her tears instead of ignoring that she was hurt.

He took a seat on the edge of the bed next to her, looking down at her. It was a few moments before she finally got her crying under control and she sighed, sitting up and leaning back against the headboard.

"You don't understand how much I love you, Jax," she said, her voice croaky, "And I can't take how frivolous you are with your life."

"And you don't understand that I have certain responsibilities," he retorted, trying to keep his voice from conveying the anger he felt towards her, "There are things I can't just walk away from."

"The more risks you take, the more chance there is of you winding up in a body bag," she said as tears began streaming down her cheeks again, "I… I couldn't live with that."

"I don't know what to tell you, Carrie," he said, his tone softening slightly, "This is my life. This has always been my life."

"Yeah, your life is dangerous. I understand that," she said, "Because I've worked for years to try and understand _you_. It'd be nice if you would do the same for me, try and understand where I'm coming from with all of this." He didn't respond and they sat in silence for several minutes until she finally lifted her eyes to meet his.

"Do you really not want to be with me anymore?" she asked quietly.

"Carrie, I didn't mean it when I was saying it. But you were so quick to agree that I…" his voice trailed off as he looked back at her.

"You should go to sleep," he finally said, "We're not gonna work this out tonight." She opened her mouth to respond but sighed instead, nodding in agreement as she lay back down. He crawled into bed beside her, using his good arm to pull her close. She didn't fight it, just curled into him, her head resting on his chest.

"We do need to talk about this," she mumbled and he chuckled softly, his fingers grazing up and down her arm.

"We'll talk," he responded as they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N - I've added a link to our photobucket on our profile page with pics of most of our OC's. I left off Carrie because she was completely imagined in our heads, but all of the Tritans and most of the SAMVAN members we introduced we had people in mind that we were basing those characters off of. So if you'd care to take a look, it's up!**

**Also, this story will be winding down in about a chapter or 2. We've got a few more things to resolve and then it will be done. Our next project will be a complete revamp of the first story we ever worked on together called New Start. We both LOVE the Universe created in New Start, as well as the OCs,**** but as it was the first thing either of us did in the realm of FanFic, the story can so much better. We have so many ideas that we're so excited about and I think it could be the best thing we've ever written, so we're really excited to work on that! The revamp will also extend the story of New Start, so it'll be kind of like a revamp/sequel all in one. We hope you check it out when we get it up! **


	21. Chapter 21

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened to your shoulder?" Carrie asked, biting her lip as she slowly peeled the bandages back from Jax's shoulder. Jax looked down at his shoulder before stretching it out.

"Think I'll be good to ride today," he said, ignoring her question and Carrie sighed. She'd been up in Vancouver for several days, waiting for Jax's arm to heal well enough to get back to Charming and they still had yet to have a real conversation. It seemed as if Jax was perfectly happy to ignore the issues between them and Carrie was getting frustrated.

"Jax…" Carrie said, her voice trailing off as she silently asked him to answer her question. He looked at her and sighed, placing his hands on her hips and pulling her close to him.

"Bullet grazed my shoulder," he told her, "That's all." She tried to resist rolling her eyes at his vague response but was unsuccessful.

"Why were people shooting at you?" she prompted. He stared down at her for several moments, his lips pursed as if deciding how much to tell her.

"Because we were trying to kill them," he finally responded. Carrie sucked in her breath but managed to maintain both her calm demeanor and her eye contact with Jax.

"The Tritans?" she asked. Jax nodded, "Did you?"

He nodded again, his eyes searching her face as if waiting for her reaction. She kept her face impassive, trying not to process what he was telling her just yet. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't glad the Tritans were dead, but knowing the man you loved was capable of taking a life was not a piece of information easily dealt with. She also wasn't naïve enough to think that this was the first time Jax had killed, and a part of her wished they could go back to her living in blissful ignorance where she could pretend like this wasn't a part of their lives. But if their relationship had any hope of moving forward, it had to be all or nothing.

"What about Iceman?" she finally asked.

"Iceman came through for us in the end," Jax said, "He earned his patch back but he's not VP of SAMVAN anymore." Carrie nodded, deciding that was enough revelations for one day.

"We still need to talk," she said after several moments. He smirked at her, his hands moving from her hips to her back.

"We are talking," he said. Carrie cocked her head, looking up at him.

"You know what I mean," she said. Jax sighed but his expression was amused when he returned his gaze to her.

"I'm not getting out of this, am I?" he asked. Carrie shook her head, "We'll talk when we're back in Charming."

"Why wait?" she asked. His grin faltered as he looked down at her and he shrugged his shoulders slightly.

"It's a long drive back to Charming and I don't know which way that conversation's gonna go," he finally said. Carrie paused, deciding whether or not to argue, but nodded.

"Yeah, okay," she said, "When are we leaving?"

"Hour or so. Go pack your shit in Gemma's car but I want you to ride back with me," he said, pausing before he added, "If you want." Carrie smiled and nodded, standing on her tip toes to kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I want," she whispered.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

The drive back to Charming was a long one and Jax wasn't sure if they'd be able to make it back in one day. He almost wanted to stay the night somewhere just to put off getting back to Charming and having the conversation with Carrie he was dreading. It was true when he said he didn't know which way that conversation was going to go; he and Carrie seemed to be at an impasse in their relationship – neither one willing to back down from their stance. If Carrie couldn't find some way to come around, it would be the end of their relationship and Jax wanted to put that off for as long as possible.

He smiled as he felt her arms tighten around his waist as she rested her head on his back. There were few things he enjoyed more than taking her on a ride, feeling her pressed up against him, surrendering all control while the wind whipped around them. The knowledge that this could be the last time he felt that gnawed at him, forcing him to appreciate the time he had left.

They rode all day and into the night, stopping only for gas and to eat, and it was after midnight by the time Jax pulled into their driveway. He kicked off the bike, stretching out his sore muscles before helping Carrie off. She looked exhausted and stiff, unused to the long rides, and they made their way into the house.

Jax hesitated in the doorway leaning against the frame, unsure if Carrie wanted him to stay or not. She glanced over her shoulder at him when she realized he wasn't following her and locked eyes with him.

"You coming?" she finally asked. He smiled softly at her as he pushed himself off the doorframe, closing and locking the door behind him. He followed her into the bedroom, watching as she quickly got ready for bed and climbed in. He did the same, pulling her close to him, feeling her breathing lightly against his chest. He knew he loved her more than anyone in the world and that she felt the same. This was the first time he'd doubted if that would be enough.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax woke slowly the next morning, instinctively reaching his arm across the bed and finding it empty. He opened his eyes slowly, wincing slightly at the sunlight pouring in through the blinds. He frowned as his eyes fell upon Carrie's unoccupied side of the bed until the smell of coffee reached him and he slowly made his way out of bed. He walked down the hall into the living room to find Carrie there tying on sneakers and throwing her hair up into a ponytail. She turned as she heard him walk up.

"Oh, you're awake," she said, "Coffee's ready if you want any." Jax nodded, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a mug, filling it from the pot on the counter.

"Where are you going?" he asked as he walked back into the living room.

"I was gonna go see Donna," she said, "Her and Opie met with Rosen yesterday. I wanted to see how it went." Jax nodded, taking a sip of the coffee and feeling himself begin to wake up.

"If you can wait a few minutes I'll go with you," he offered. Carrie nodded, giving him a small smile.

"That'd be great," she said. Jax nodded, setting the half-empty mug on the counter before walking back into the bedroom. He showered quickly and got dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He slipped his cut on and grabbed his keys before walking back out.

"Ready?" he asked and Carrie nodded, following him outside to his bike.

They pulled up to Opie and Donna's house several minutes later and walked up to the door, knocking lightly. Donna opened the door, her eyes puffy and red and she hastily wiped her tears away as she gave them a small smile.

"Hey guys," she said, her voice shaking slightly as she stepped back to allow them to come inside.

"Where's Opie?" Carrie asked as they walked into the living room.

"He took the kids to get breakfast," she said as the three sat in the living room, "I didn't feel up to going. They should be back soon." Carrie nodded, looking sympathetically back at her friend.

"Well how'd it go yesterday?" she asked. Donna's lip began trembling as she hastily grabbed several tissues from a box on the end table. She shook her head as tears began pouring down her face. Carrie reached over, pulling Donna into a hug and Jax watched as Donna's body shuddered, her small hands clutching the back of Carrie's shirt. Few things in this world made him uncomfortable. Watching his best friend's wife cry over his fate was one of them.

"He said the minimum Opie will probably have to serve is 5 years," Donna said as she pulled away from Carrie, wiping her nose with a tissue as she took deep breaths, "But if the DA can prove there was anyone inside the building, he could get 20 for attempted murder. Opie says there wasn't anybody inside, but…" Carrie nodded reassuringly.

"See? Then they won't be able to prove that," she said. Donna nodded, tears still pouring silently down her cheeks.

"But even 5 years, Carrie…" she said quietly, "How am I supposed to manage that by myself?"

"The club'll take care of you financially, Donna," Jax said, hoping to appease some of her fears, "And Gemma can help with the kids. Don't worry about that."

"I don't want anything from the club!" Donna yelled at him, "The club is why he's in this stupid mess to begin with. The club is why we were attacked and the club is the reason my kids won't have a father for at least 5 years." Jax raised his eyebrows in surprise, glancing at Carrie. She tilted her head, looking at him curiously before turning back to Donna.

"And the whole thing was so stupid," Donna continued, her voice much quieter and full of regret, "I'm going to have to live without Opie for half a decade, all because he wanted revenge. It didn't have to be like this."

Jax looked between Donna's tortured face and Carrie, realization dawning upon him. Before he could respond, the front door opened and Ellie and Kenny ran inside, Opie following close behind. Jax stood, relieved to be able to get away from the girls for a few minutes as he walked towards Opie.

"Mommy!" Kenny shrieked as he ran towards Donna, lunging at her. She smiled, wrapping her arms around him and kissing the top of his head.

"Come on, Kenny, let's go play outside," Opie said. Kenny nodded, releasing himself from Donna's grasp as Kenny and Ellie ran outside, Jax and Opie following. They took a seat on the porch as the kids ran around the back yard and Jax pulled out his pack of cigarettes, offering one to Opie before lighting his own.

"How'd it go in Vancouver?" Opie asked, "Heard you got shot."

"Nah, bullet barely grazed me," Jax responded, "It's over, brother." Opie nodded, turning his eyes back to Kenny and Ellie who were running circles around the shed.

"Good," Opie said, taking a slow drag off his cigarette.

"Heard about your meet with Rosen," Jax said. Opie nodded, frowning.

"Shit sucks, man," he said, "I'm worried about Donna."

Jax nodded as he realized he'd never given much thought to how situations like this would affect their families. His mother had always bore the burden so well, at least as far as she'd ever let him see. His father had done a stint when Jax was young and he'd never so much as seen Gemma shed a tear over it.

He thought back to when he had been sentenced. He'd been so angry that Carrie hadn't been able to be there for _him_, he never stopped to be there for _her_. Never stopped to think what it meant to her when he told her he'd be going away for a long time. And now here he was, doing it again.

"So what's going on with you and Carrie?" Opie asked, "You back together or what?" Jax snorted, shaking his head.

"What, did everyone hear about that?" he asked, "You guys gossip more than high school girls." Opie chuckled, nodding.

"Yeah, word got around," he replied.

"I don't know, man," Jax said, sighing, "She wants to _talk._" Opie groaned in commiseration, nodding.

"Good luck with that," he said and Jax nodded, flicking his cigarette to the ground. He didn't want to admit to Opie how terrified he was of talking to Carrie about their fight; how terrified he was that it would lead to him losing her again.

"Kyle dropped his cut off at the clubhouse while we were all gone," Jax said in an attempt to change the subject, eyeing Opie for his reaction. Opie's lips formed a thin line, the corners turned down in a slight frown.

"I wanted to kill him," he said after several silent moments.

"I don't blame you," Jax responded. Part of Jax wanted to kill Kyle, too. Opie watched Ellie and Kenny laughing and running around before turning to look at Jax.

"He's got kids," he finally said and Jax nodded in understanding, "But he ever shows his face in Charming again…" Opie said, his voice trailing off.

"I'll put a fucking bullet in his brain," Jax said loyally.

"You gotta promise you'll take care of Donna while I'm gone," Opie told him, "She's pissed and says she doesn't want the help, but she's gonna need it."

"'Course," Jax said. The backdoor opened just then and Carrie poked her head out, smiling as he turned around to look at her.

"You ready?" she asked, looking between him and Opie. Jax nodded as he and Opie stood, following Carrie back inside.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax drove through the hills of Northern California, the wind whipping through his hair as he rode aimlessly, no destination in mind. The visit with Donna and Opie had given Jax a lot to think about and afterwards he'd dropped Carrie off at the house, telling her he needed to go for a ride and would be back later. As he rode, the thoughts that had been trickling into his head all afternoon now washed over him completely.

He'd never realized how much he'd been asking of Carrie – how much it really took to be an Old Lady. He'd made the decision that his life could only go one way and if Carrie couldn't live with that, then they couldn't be together. But over the last several months, Jax had unknowingly discovered that he couldn't live without Carrie; at least, not happily. Carrie had worked so hard to learn to accept the club as part of Jax and when she asked for a simple compromise, he hadn't even been willing to listen. He'd dismissed her, thinking her request was asking too much, when all she wanted was for him to stay safe. To not end up dead or in jail like Opie now was.

He finally turned his bike around, not wanting to get back home too late. He sped past the Welcome to Charming sign and through the mostly empty streets of the small town before pulling into her driveway, thankful to see the light in the living room was still on. He suddenly didn't want to put this off anymore.

Carrie sat on the couch, her legs tucked under her as she read a book. She glanced up when he walked in, giving him a small and slightly nervous smile.

"Where'd you go?" she asked. Jax shook his head, running a hand through his hair as he took a spot next to her on the couch.

"Just rode around for a while," he told her, "I had a lot to think about."

"Yeah?" Carrie asked, tilting her head as she ear-marked the page in her book and set it on the end table, "Like what?"

"Like Donna," he replied. Carrie's eyebrows rose as she looked at Jax, slightly amused.

"You had to ride around for hours thinking about Donna?" she asked. Jax chuckled lightly, nodding.

"Yeah. Thinking about how devastated she was about Opie going to jail," he said, his grin fading. He reached over to take Carrie's hand in his. She smiled sadly, looking down at their hands – his gripping hers protectively, their fingers intertwined.

"I never want to do that to you," Jax continued and Carrie raised her eyes to look into his.

"I don't know what I'd do, Jax," she said quietly, "If I was in her situation. It terrifies me." Jax nodded, his thumb running lightly over her hand.

"I don't think I really got that until today," he said. Carrie nodded, continuing to look across at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I can't promise you that I'll never get hurt or go to jail," Jax finally said, "And if that's what you need from me, I can never give you that." Carrie nodded, remaining silent as she wondered where he was going with this, "But I can promise you that I won't be reckless about it. I know it's not just me I'm living for anymore – it's you, too." Carrie smiled, trying to keep her tears at bay, thankful that this time they were due to happiness.

"That's all I want, Jax," she said, "I had to live without you for four years. I never want to do that again; especially not if it could've been avoided." Jax nodded, pulling her towards him so she was resting her head against his chest.

"I know, and I'll try to make sure that never happens," he said softly, running his hands through her hair. She smiled, tilting her head up to look at him.

"I love you," she said. He kissed her softly, relieved they'd managed to make it through this hurdle.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

The next few months went by quickly and quietly. With the Tritans out of the picture, Charming had once again become a safe and peaceful place, but Carrie found she couldn't fully enjoy it while Donna was so miserable. On Rosen's recommendation, Opie pleaded guilty in return for a 5 year sentence and the day that he would have to turn himself in was looming ever nearer.

Carrie only saw Donna at the day care these days as she was trying to spend as much time with her family as she could before Opie went away. She always tried to put on a happy face and a smile at work, but Carrie could see the sadness in her eyes and wished there was something she could do to make the situation better. But she knew from personal experience that the only thing that would make it better would be Opie getting a pardon, and there was nothing Carrie could do about that.

Carrie walked into the day care one Friday morning, ready for the weekend to get started. Jax didn't have to work or have any duties for the club, so as soon as church was over that evening she was planning on spending every second of the weekend with him. She glanced up as she walked past the reception desk to see Donna already there. She smiled at her and was slightly taken aback when Donna smiled brightly back at her.

"Morning, Carrie!" she said, looking as if she was struggling to keep her grin from stretching across her entire face.

"Morning," Carrie said, grinning back at her, "What's with you?" Donna shrugged, shaking her head.

"What? Why? Nothing," she said, her lips growing tighter as she continued to struggle to conceal her grin. Carrie set her purse on the counter as she looked across at Donna, her eyes narrowing.

"Alright, I know you've got a secret," Carrie said, "Spill it." Donna shook her head.

"I don't have a secret. I'm just in a good mood," she insisted. Carrie sighed, not wanting to spoil it if it were actually true.

"Oh," she said, "Well, good." Donna nodded as she watched Carrie walk back to her office.

After spending the morning running around from classroom to classroom, dealing with issues ranging from sick kids to snack shortages, she finally walked back into her office, closing the door behind her and collapsed in her chair, hoping no one would bother her for a while. Her cell phone rang as soon as her ass hit the chair and she sighed, praying it was Jax. She didn't want to talk to anyone else at the moment. Checking the caller ID, she smiled to see that it was him and flipped the phone open, pressing it against her ear.

"If you're calling to say you've got to work this weekend or go on a last minute run or something, hang up now. I can't take any bad news right now," Carrie said. Jax chuckled.

"Rough morning?" he asked.

"Just busy," she replied.

"Well I'm not working this weekend or going on any runs, so don't worry. It's you and me all weekend. Preferably naked," he said. She rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Good. What can I do for you, then?" she asked.

"We're havin' church earlier today than usual so I wanted to pick you up when you get off work. Take you for a little ride, maybe dinner or something," he said. Carrie grinned to herself, biting her lip.

"Really?" she asked excitedly, "That sounds great."

"Great, see you at 5 then," he said before hanging up the phone.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie attempted to keep herself busy that afternoon in hopes that that would make time go by faster, but unfortunately, after such an eventful morning, all was quiet that afternoon. She had a few appointments for tours of the facility that didn't take nearly as long as she'd hoped and found herself sitting in her office with several hours still to go. She went over financial records and ordered supplies that they were low on, glancing at the clock every few minutes and lamenting the slow passage of time.

Finally 5 o'clock rolled around and like clockwork, she heard the familiar roar of a motorcycle pulling into the lot. She grabbed her bag and ran out of the office, almost forgetting to lock her office door before doubling back and fumbling with her keys, hurriedly locking it before turning back. Donna was standing behind the reception desk, gathering her things together, and glanced up as Carrie walked by.

"You heading out?" Donna asked and Carrie nodded, stopping to wait and walk out with Donna. Donna waved to Jax, who was sitting on his bike waiting for Carrie.

"I'll see you guys later!" Donna shouted and Carrie waved before kissing Jax hello. He handed her a helmet and she put it on before sliding behind him.

"So where are we going?" she asked as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"I gotta pick something up at the clubhouse and then it's a surprise," he said, his head turned halfway towards her as he backed the bike out of the spot. Carrie grinned and spent the short ride to the clubhouse wondering what surprise could be in store.

They pulled into Teller-Morrow and Carrie followed Jax off the bike, looking around at the unusually empty lot. Usually by this time on a Friday the place was crawling with croweaters and hang-arounds.

"Where is everyone?" she asked, slipping her hand into Jax's. He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Must be inside," he said off handedly. He led her to the picnic table just outside the door to the clubhouse and stopped turning to look at her. He smiled softly down at her, pulling her close to him. He leaned down and kissed her softly and she smiled, looking up at him curiously.

"I love you, Carrie," he said and her smile widened.

"I love you, too," she said. He paused, looking down at her as though trying to collect his thoughts. She glanced down as he took a hand and dug in his pocket, looking at her with a tight-lipped, excited grin before lifting his hand up and she gasped as she saw what he was holding: a beautiful diamond ring. Her eyes returned to his and she stared at him, her jaw dropping slowly as he continued to gaze down at her.

"I've loved you since I was 18," he continued as Carrie's heart thudded loudly in her chest, the blood rushing through her head, "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Trembling, Carrie reached out and took the ring from his hand, clasping it gingerly in her fingers.

"Jax…" she said, unable to form a coherent though. Still smiling, he ran a hand through her hair, clasping the back of her head.

"I want us to get married," he said, and Carrie felt her knees buckle slightly. He caught her, holding her up and she looked up at him, shock and awe stretched across her face.

"You do?" she finally whispered and he nodded, starting to look worried.

"Yes, I do," he said, "Will you marry me?" Carrie glanced down at the ring in her hand, glistening even in the dim evening sun, before looking back up at him.

"Yes," she said, a smile stretching across her face as a laugh escaped from her lips, "Yes! Of course I'll marry you!" Jax's face broke out in a broad grin and he grabbed her around the waist, spinning her around. He finally set her down, clasping her face in his hands as he leaned down to kiss her deeply. She wrapped her arms around his neck, careful to keep the ring firmly clasped in her fist, until they finally pulled apart. He took the ring out of her hand and she looked down, her heart racing in excitement as she watched him slide it onto her finger.

"I love you, Jackson," she whispered, holding her hand out in front of her as she gazed at the ring. He smiled, taking her hand in his as he led her through the door of the clubhouse. She trailed behind him, still staring at the ring on her hand until he stopped in the entryway. She finally glanced up to see the clubhouse full of people quietly staring at them.

"We're getting married!" Jax announced and the room erupted in congratulations. Carrie glanced around the room smiling broadly, finally registering that the room full of people did not consist of the usual hang-arounds and croweaters. The sons were all there, but so was Donna and all of her friends from the day care. Gemma strode briskly to them, her arms outstretched as she hugged and kissed them both.

"Welcome to the family, baby," she said to Carrie, holding her face in her hands before kissing her lightly on the forehead.

"Thanks, Gemma," Carrie said, still overwhelmed by the whole thing. Donna bounced up and threw her arms around Carrie, Opie following close behind her and shaking Jax's hands.

"Congratulations!" Donna squealed and Carrie laughed before her grin faded and she looked curiously at Donna.

"You knew, didn't you?" she asked accusingly. Donna shrugged, grinning and flicking her eyes towards Jax.

"Yeah, Jax told us he was going to ask you, wanted me to get your friends together so we could all celebrate after you said yes," she said. Carrie looked over at Jax, who shrugged sheepishly.

"What if I had said no?" she asked. He grinned.

"I'm a gambler," he replied. She laughed, shaking her head as her eyes scanned the crowd behind Donna. They finally stopped on a pair of faces looking extremely out of place; the last people in the world she expected to be here.

"My parents?" she asked, looking over at Jax, "You told my parents?" He smiled, nodding and Carrie tore herself away from Jax to walk up to them. Her mother embraced her, in tears that Carrie hoped were of joy.

"What are you guys doing here?" she blurted, so surprised to see them she couldn't stop herself.

"Jax came by the house the other day," Helen said, "We all talked for quite a while. He told us what he was planning and said it would mean a lot to him if we came." Carrie smiled, hugging her again.

"Thanks, mom," she said softly, "It does mean a lot. I can't believe you're here."

"I think we've all known for a long time that you'd end up with Jax," Helen said, glancing over at her dad, "And though he's still not someone I would've handpicked for you, I know how much you love each other and how happy he makes you, and really, a mother can't ask for much more than that." Carrie smiled again, feeling tears brim her eyes. She glanced at her dad, who was smiling down at her.

"Congratulations, sweetheart," he said, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.

"Thanks, dad," she said, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

"What about Chris?" Carrie asked as she pulled away from George, "Does he know?" Her mom nodded, glancing around the room.

"He knows. Had a long talk with Jax that night, too," she said, "He's here somewhere." Carrie looked around, finally spotting her brother standing next to her friends from the day care: Leia, Lindsay, and Jenn.

"I'm gonna go say hi. Are you guys sticking around?" Carrie asked. Helen and George shook their heads.

"No, I think we'll head off pretty soon," Helen said, "We just wanted to be here to congratulate you." Carrie hugged her once more.

"I'm so glad you came," she said before pulling apart, watching them walk towards the doors. They paused in front of Jax and she smiled as she watched her dad shake his hand and her mom give him a small kiss and patted him on the cheek before Carrie walked over to her brother.

"Congratulations!" Chris bellowed as he spotted her walking towards him. He ran up to her, wrapping his arms around her.

"So I take it you're not mad at Jax anymore?" Carrie asked tentatively. She watched as his eyes darted across the room to Jax before returning to hers. He shook his head.

"Nah, we talked things out," he said, "I just freaked out when you got hurt; I know it wasn't _entirely_ his fault." Carrie laughed, slapping him playfully on the shoulder.

"I love you, you know," he continued. She grinned.

"Aw, I love you, too Buggy," she said. He rolled his eyes and she laughed, hugging him.

Carrie spent the rest of the party grinning from ear to ear, floating around to talk to her friends and get congratulated by each and every son who were always in favor of a reason to celebrate. After a couple of hours, however, she knew all she wanted was for Jax to take her home so they could celebrate together. She sidled up to where he stood talking to Opie and Juice and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his shoulder. He slung his arm lazily around her shoulder before looking down at her.

"Take me home," she said, her eyes sparkling with want. He grinned, kissing her.

"You got it, darlin'," he said. He threw up his hand in a wave good bye before leading Carrie out of the clubhouse, into the brisk night air.

* * *

**A/N - First off, lots and lots of apologies for the late update. I drove about 1000 miles this holiday season visiting my family and just didn't have the time. The good news is, I realized while writing it that we will need another chapter, so there will be one more chapter of Unfinished that I hope to have posted on or before Sunday (but no promises there).**  
** And then me and my co-writer/maker-of-all-good-ideas (afspouse) are finally reuniting on Sunday and will be together for the whole rest of the month where we will be cranking out the New Start revamp which is already looking like it's going to be the greatest thing we've ever written, so that's fun. It'll be posted on this profile so make sure you sign up for author alerts if you want to know as soon as that's posted. It's going to be awesome! **


	22. Chapter 22

**So first off, many many apologies for the delay. It wasn't as easy to write this chapter as I thought it would be, and I didn't want to post anything subpar for you guys just to get it out faster. So I hope you like this final chapter of Carrie and Jax's story! **

* * *

Carrie woke early on her wedding day, a flurry of anxious nerves and excitement coursing through her body. She rolled over and checked the clock, groaning. Donna wouldn't be coming over to help her get ready for several hours and she knew the time would crawl by. She tried rolling over and going back to sleep but knew it was a fruitless effort. She was wide awake.

She crawled out of bed and made her way to the kitchen, switching the coffee pot on and frowning at the quiet of the house. She had insisted Jax sleep at the clubhouse the night before the wedding, deciding she wanted the first time he saw her that day to be when she walks down the aisle, but was now regretting that decision completely. Donna, as her matron of honor, had offered to spend the night at her house, but Opie would be turning himself in next week and Carrie had not wanted to pull her away from him for even a night.

Gemma had gone into a panic when she and Jax had insisted the wedding take place before Opie's imprisonment, meaning they had a mere three months to get everything together. It had been three incredibly stress-filled months (they had strongly considered eloping several times), but Carrie was completely satisfied with the way everything had turned out.

Except for the fact that due to her own stupidity, she'd managed to find herself completely alone on the morning of her wedding. She poured a cup of coffee, taking a sip as she made her way back to her bathroom to jump in the shower and review the details of the day in her head to make sure nothing had been forgotten. Gemma, of course, had spearheaded most everything – something Carrie had struggled against until she realized how much help she needed.

She stepped out of the shower, quickly blow drying her hair before pulling on the jeans and button down shirt she'd be wearing to the wedding site to get ready in. Before she had buttoned the last button, she heard her front door open and close and Donna call her name.

"Donna?" Carrie asked in surprise as she stepped out of her room, excitement for the day hitting her again as she saw her friend walk in, "You're not supposed to be here until 11!" Donna grinned as Carrie ran up to her and hugged her.

"I figured you'd wake up early and I didn't want you to spend the whole morning alone. I thought we could get some breakfast before heading over to the Inn," she said. Carrie beamed at her and nodded.

"You know me so well," she said, grabbing her purse off the kitchen counter and following Donna outside.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

"Are you nervous?" Donna asked as the waitress set their food in front of them. Carrie looked down at the pancakes and realized she had no appetite.

"Very," she admitted, stabbing several times at her pancakes with her fork. Donna quirked an eyebrow at her and Carrie grinned, setting her fork down, "I'm not nervous about marrying Jax. I'm just nervous about everything going smoothly. You know how things are with those guys. When does anything ever go as planned?"

"Fair point," Donna said, "But you're marrying Gemma's son – you really think she'd let anything get in the way?" Carrie laughed at the fact that Gemma's completely overbearing personality was actually a comfort to her today.

"Fair point," Carrie repeated, grinning, as her appetite slowly returned. They ate in silence for several minutes until Donna finally spoke up.

"I wanted to thank you for getting married before Opie…" Donna began, her voice trailing off, "It means a lot to him to be able to be there." Carrie nodded, reaching across the table to take her hand in hers.

"Jax wouldn't have had it any other way," she said earnestly, "And neither would I." Donna nodded, smiling weakly at her.

"Hey," Carrie said, "It's going to be okay. You know we'll be there to help you out however you need. Opie will be fine – they've already arranged protection for him – and he'll be out before you know it." Donna nodded but the disbelief was still etched in her face. She finally shook her head as if shaking the thoughts off of her.

"Today is your day," Donna said, a real smile finally spreading across her face, "Not a day to get into all of that. And it's going to be a great day." Carrie looked warily across at her before nodding in ascension.

"Yes it is," Carrie said, "Has Ellie tried on her flower girl dress again?" Donna rolled her eyes.

"Only about every day since you bought it for her," she said, "She's so excited. She's been practicing her walk down the aisle and everything." Carrie laughed.

"Good, I'm glad she likes it," she said.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jax woke slowly that morning, habitually reaching his arm across the bed for Carrie until he remembered he was at the clubhouse and she wasn't there. Which meant that he was getting married that day. It surprised him how calm he was. He'd always thought he'd be the guy with one foot halfway out the door on his wedding day, but he knew that Carrie agreeing to marry him was the best thing that had ever happened to him. She was the bright spot in his otherwise hard and stressful life and nothing could have made him happier than knowing she would be there with him for the rest of their lives.

He smiled sleepily to himself before crawling out of bed. He made his way into the kitchen to see coffee already made and poured a generous mug before walking back out into the main room. Opie would be coming by soon with the kids and he expected Clay and Gemma to drop by soon, but everyone else was either still sleeping or would be meeting them at the site.

He was glad they'd decided to have a short engagement. A part of him, the insecure part he rarely let people see, had been terrified she'd change her mind – decide this wasn't the life she wanted and bail. But she hadn't.

He sat at the bar, sipping quietly on his coffee as he grabbed a newspaper lying on the countertop. He barely noticed when Tig walked in from the back, a huge grin on his face.

"Big day," he said and Jax looked up. He nodded as Tig walked behind the bar, looking closely at Jax.

"You want a shot of Jack to calm those nerves?" Tig asked. Jax shook his head.

"Nah," he said, "Not nervous." Tig raised his eyebrows, shaking his head.

"Shit I was on my wedding day," he said, "All I could think was… this is the only pussy I'm ever gonna have again?" Jax shook his head again, grinning.

"Yeah, and that worked out real well for ya," he said. Tig grinned.

"Sure did," he agreed, either not picking up on Jax's sarcasm or ignoring it.

Just as Jax expected, Gemma and Clay stopped by to check on him, probably to make sure he wasn't doing exactly what Tig had wanted and laying down shots.

"I can't believe you're getting married today," Gemma said tearfully as she walked up to Jax, patting him lightly on the cheek before giving him a quick kiss, "My boy." Jax smiled at her, nodding.

"I can't believe she's marrying me today," he said.

"Of course she is," Gemma said before eyeing him up and down.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" she asked fiercely. Jax rolled his eyes.

"I don't have to be there for another three hours, ma," Jax reminded her.

"Yeah, it's easy for us naturally beautiful people," Clay joked, slapping Jax on the back. Gemma frowned, checking her watch.

"Okay, but you better be there on time. Be there early," Gemma said, pointing a finger at him. Jax nodded.

"Don't worry," he told her earnestly. Her expression softened again and she looked at him.

"How are you feeling? You feeling good?" she asked. He nodded.

"I'm feelin' great, ma," he said, "Now I'm sure there's plenty of people who are fucking shit up at the Inn that you need to go yell at, so feel free to go do that. I'll see you in a couple hours." Gemma smiled at him and nodded.

"Okay, I'll see you then," she said, taking one last look at him before she and Clay walked out the door.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

An hour later, Carrie and Donna were on their way to the Charming Inn, where the wedding and reception would be taking place, to meet up with Carrie's other bridesmaid, Jenn, and Leia, who had agreed to do her hair and makeup. The Charming Inn was a quaint bed and breakfast sitting on three acres of beautiful land just outside of Charming. They had a lovely outdoor gazebo for the ceremony as well as a spacious tented area for the reception. Carrie looked out the window, happy to see the California sun shining brightly that day, not a rain cloud in sight.

They pulled up to the Inn to see her mother and Gemma's car already parked out front and Carrie looked over at Donna, grinning.

"You think they've killed each other yet?" Carrie asked, nodding at the cars. Donna's eyes widened as she shook her head and they walked to the front desk to check in, each of them carrying a tote bag slung across their shoulders and a garment bag containing their dresses draped over their arms. They had reserved a suite for the girls to get ready in and as Carrie and Donna approached the door, they heard raised voices coming from within.

"Well she's _my_ daughter!" Carrie heard her mother shouting, "I think I'd know where she'd like the damn snack tray!" Carrie snorted in laughter, shaking her head at Donna as she stuck the key in the lock and walked into the room to see a spacious two-room suite. In the middle of the room were Helen and Gemma standing nose to nose, each grasping one end of a snack tray as if trying to wrestle it out of the other's hand. They both looked up when they heard the door open and Helen let the tray go, resulting in Gemma's smug smile as she set it on the table next to them and walked up to Carrie with open arms.

"Today's the day!" she said in as gleeful a tone as Carrie had ever heard her use. Carrie gave her and her mom each a hug before setting her bag down and hanging her dress on the bathroom door.

"How you feeling?" Helen asked, grasping Carrie's face in hers and staring into her eyes as if checking to see if she was ill, "You can always walk away you know. Don't feel like just because everything's set that you have to get married today." Gemma snorted from across the room and Carrie resisted rolling her eyes.

"I'm fine, mom," she said, "And I want to get married today." Helen's eyes searched hers and she finally released her in resignation.

"Okay, honey, but you can change your mind…" Helen said.

"Mom…" Carrie said warningly and Helen finally raised her arms in surrender.

"Alright, alright," she said as the door opened one more time and Jenn and Leia walked in, Jenn also carrying a tote and her garment bag, Leia carrying a huge makeup carrier. They both beamed at Carrie as they walked in.

"Oh my God are you so excited?!" Jenn squealed, running up to her and wrapping her arms around her as Leia pulled up a table and chairs to get set up. Carrie laughed, hugging Jenn back, her joyful air contagious.

Carrie stared in the mirror as Leia meticulously curled her hair with a curling iron, one small part at a time, the emotions of the day threatening to overwhelm her. She desperately wanted to call Jax, to talk to him, to see if he was feeling the same thing. If he was as full of anticipation and nerves as she was. Gemma walked over to check on her and she glanced up, trying not to move her head too much so as not to mess up what Leia was doing.

"How you feeling, baby?" Gemma asked, pulling a chair up next to her. Carrie gave a small smile.

"Good," she replied, "Fine." Gemma smiled at her, patting her gently on the cheek.

"I just wanted to tell you… I couldn't have hand picked a better daughter-in-law if I'd tried," she said and Carrie beamed at her, shocked at such high praise from Gemma.

"Thanks, Gem," she said quietly.

"And I did try, mind," Gemma added, "Just couldn't find anyone better." Carrie rolled her eyes.

"Way to ruin the moment, Gem," she said, but Gemma was smiling.

"Have you… have you seen Jax today?" Carrie asked. Gemma nodded.

"Of course. I had to stop by the clubhouse on my way here to make sure the idiots weren't all getting drunk or doing something stupid," she said matter-of-factly. Carrie forced a laugh.

"And… were they?" she asked nervously.

"Of course not," Gemma said reassuringly, "Jax was doing great. Excited to see you." Carrie smiled at her.

"Good," she said.

An hour later, Leia was finally finished with Carrie's hair and makeup and it was time to put on the dress. Helen walked over to unzip the garment bag and tenderly took the dress off the hanger, carrying it over to her. Carrie stared at it, everything it represented warming her entire body. She was getting married in that dress. She would become Mrs. Jackson Teller wearing that dress.

She took it gingerly from her mom and held it out in front of her. It was a simple fitted, column style floor length dress in ivory. She had not wanted to walk down the aisle in virgin white – who was she kidding? – and she had fallen in love with the dress as soon as she'd tried it on. Which was a good thing, as she'd had next to no time to find a dress.

After squeezing into the body-hugging and breath-restricting undergarments, Helen slid the dress over her head, watching as it fell to the floor. Carrie saw her eyes fill with tears as she stepped behind her to zip her up.

"You look stunning," she whispered as Carrie turned to the full length mirror and they both stared at her reflection. She _did _look stunning. She only hoped Jax had the same reaction when he saw her.

"The boys should have arrived by now," Gemma spoke up, clearing her throat to mask the choked up voice she had spoken with, "I should go check that everything's ready." Carrie nodded, watching her go as she turned to Donna and Jenn, both already in their dark blue bridesmaid dresses.

"Well?" she asked.

"Amazing," Donna said, staring at her while Jenn stood there, nodding in agreement.

"Jax is gonna want to rip that thing off of you as soon as he sees you," she said. Carrie giggled, glancing awkwardly at her mom.

"Perfect," Carrie said, turning to the mirror one last time.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie stood out of sight as she watched Opie and Donna turn the corner to walk down the aisle toward the gazebo, the butterflies in her stomach threatening to overflow as she clutched the bouquet in her hands with all her might. Jenn gave her a reassuring smile as she took Chris's arm and they too turned to walk down the aisle. Carrie looked at her father who smiled down at her, tears in his eyes, as he offered her his arm.

"You ready?" he asked and Carrie nodded, tentatively taking his arm in hers. The bridal march began and suddenly every nervous feeling fluttering through Carrie's body disappeared, leaving only the excitement of turning that corner and seeing her soon-to-be husband standing at the end of the aisle. She smiled up at her father before they too turned the corner and the entire ceremony was revealed to them.

It looked beautiful. White chairs had been set up in rows on either side of the aisle, at the end of which was a beautiful wooden gazebo. On one side stood Donna and Jenn, both beaming at her. On the other stood Opie and Chris, also smiling broadly. Her eyes finally focused on Jax, standing to Opie's right. His lips had parted as soon as he saw her and she was sure she could feel the warmth from his eyes from where she walked. She'd never seen him look better – wearing black slacks and a white dress shirt, his cut slung over it. His eyes never left hers as she walked for what seemed like a mile down the aisle until she was finally standing next to him. Jax tore his eyes away from her to look at George, who smiled at Jax and shook his hand before leaving Carrie and taking his seat in the front row.

"God you're beautiful," Jax whispered to her, taking her hand. Carrie felt herself blush as the minister officiating the ceremony cleared his throat and began speaking.

Carrie didn't think she heard a word he said the entire ceremony. She repeated his words when she knew she was supposed to, but mostly she and Jax gazed at each other, in their own world. It wasn't until the minister asked for the rings that they snapped out of it. As Jax slid the wedding band onto Carrie's finger, his eyes lingering on the ring on her hand before returning to hers, she felt happier than she had ever felt before.

"Now what do you say?" Opie whispered into Jax's ear. Jax rolled his eyes before returning them to Carrie, her hand still held in his.

"And I promise to treat you as good as my leather," he started, as every cut-wearing man in the audience yelled with him, "And ride you as much as my Harley!"

Carrie's jaw dropped in amusement as she grinned, looking out at the audience, all beaming back at her, before turning back to Jax. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into him as he kissed her, everyone cheering around them.

After 8 years and overcoming so many hardships, it was hard to believe they'd made it to this point. But Carrie now knew, if they could make it through everything in their past, they could make it through whatever their future held for them.

* * *

**Thanks so much, all of you for reading and commenting on this story! It's been a blast to read and I'll be sorry to see Carrie and Jax go, but every story needs to end somewhere, right? **

**Our next story, which is a complete revamp of New Start, will be up sometime in the next couple of weeks. We're both stoked about this rewrite because its characters and a universe we both loved, but neither of us were completely satisfied with the way the story turned out. It's going to be pretty different from the last - new plots, new characters, and a lot longer (breaking it down, we're already at like 40 chapters, so it's the biggest project we've ever done). I think you all will really like it! **

**Make sure to author alert us so you know when New Start has been posted! I hope you all check it out :) **


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